Do you ever see a couple and think these people shouldn’t be getting married? A woman recently posted on the Reddit forum Am I The A**hole, or AITA, after her fiance and future mother-in-law, had an astonishingly controlling reaction to her desired make-up look for her wedding.
The woman, OP, tells the forum that she is pregnant, and she and her fiance’s wedding is on the horizon. The fiance comes from a conservative family (uh oh). His mother has taken the role of wedding planning “supervisor” to “catch and eliminate” anything she deems “offensive” — not offensive in the bigoted sense, it seems.
Still, offensive, as in doesn’t adhere to her conservative sensibilities. She has already ordered that OP cannot have a wedding dress that shows “too much skin” — yikes. This would already be cause for alarm, but the make-up issue came.
OP showed her fiance some make-up looks she loved and wanted to choose from for their big day—only for him to gasp out loud and protest that his mother would have a stroke!
In frustration, OP asked what she should do. The fiance contacted his mother about the conversation because she started sending OP her suggestions, which were the opposite of what she wanted.
OP’s taste seems to tend towards the dramatic—bold eyeshadow, glowy lipstick—and everything the mother sent her were light and naturalistic. OK, if you like that kind of thing, but OP doesn’t
OP refused the suggestions, and an argument followed, with her future husband pitching in on his mother’s side. The fiance accused OP of planning to humiliate him and his family on their wedding day by looking like a “clown” and turning everything, including their relationship, into a joke.
Snapping and calling the man delusional, OP pointed out that it was her face—only for the fiance to tell her there was no such thing as “mine” and “yours” in marriage and said that was too “immature” to know this. Now he’s blatantly avoiding her, and his mother has sent a text to OP telling her she has only her best interests at heart.
We know what we think OP should do:
- Cancel the wedding.
- Ditch both of them.
- Find someone who isn’t from a family of maniacs and cares about her wants.
Doubly so because of her pregnancy—a controlling, abusive household is no place to raise a child.
The Reddit community agrees, blasting the awful potential in-laws in the comments, “Do not marry this person. Do not marry this person. Do NOT marry this person. Unless you really wanna marry his mom, because that’s who calls all the shots here,” says one user.
“Yes, since you’re having a baby, you will, unfortunately, have to deal with this guy, and to some extent his family, forever. But you will have a LOT more leverage to insist on what you want, or do not want, to be done with your child if you are not married to him,” points out another.
The fiance’s mother deciding on the wedding dress would be one thing. Her wanting to control what make-up OP wears is another. But for the fiance himself to not only go along with both but then accuse OP of being a “clown” because of her desired unconservative aesthetic and accuse her of trying to humiliate him and his family?
Insane, egotistical, and no way to act to anyone, let alone a partner! OP needs to get out of this relationship and away from these people as soon as possible. They have no boundaries and no respect for her bodily autonomy.
Claiming that there’s no “mine” or “yours” in marriage only to try and control how OP looks is a sign that if she married into this family, they would soon be trying to hold more than just her make-up. Accusing her of immaturity for not going along with their wants is a classic abusive tactic. We’re glad OP turned to the internet for the supportive messages she’s now getting.
The only reason OP should go ahead with this wedding is if she plans to walk fully veiled down the aisle, have the fiance pull the veil back in front of his assembled family, only to reveal a full face of clown-make complete with a red nose, and then get him with a hand buzzer in place of a ring before leaving him at the altar. So he’s scared she’ll humiliate her by being her own person? He deserves it, for real.