The writer is a 38-year-old man with a 19-year-old daughter named Ariel with his ex-wife Lauren. The couple had Ariel when they were young, and it was a struggle, so they moved into Lauren’s family’s house. The writer worked multiple jobs, and he and Lauren remained best friends through this challenging period.
So What’s the Backstory?
When Ariel was two, the writer found out that Lauren was messaging other guys, and he asked for a divorce. They ended up with split custody, and Lauren made the writer’s life difficult. She badmouthed him, missed pick-up times, and made decisions without talking to him. Her father even offered money to relinquish custody, which he refused. The writer eventually remarried Tori, who had been a rock during the divorce.
However, Lauren used the writer’s new marriage to warp Ariel against Tori and their son. Lauren excluded Tori and their son whenever they were around, and Ariel followed suit. The writer has tried everything, including family time, one-on-one time, and therapy, but Ariel is rude to them for no reason.
The writer was even invited to Ariel’s graduation party, but his family wasn’t. When he told Ariel, he found that disrespectful, she didn’t care, and they hadn’t spoken since. Lauren then called the writer to ask when he’d be paying for Ariel’s first semester of college, and he said he wouldn’t because he wasn’t going to support Ariel’s disrespectful behavior.
He even reminded Lauren of when her father tried to buy his custody. The writer called Ariel and told her that he would pay for college if she tried to form a bond with his family because she created this situation with her attitude.
The writer’s wife supports him, but he’s getting pushback from others. Ultimately, the writer believes that he’s not the a**hole because he’s been putting up with this behavior for too long, and it’s time for Ariel and Lauren to take responsibility for their actions.
Was He Wrong?
There is a general consensus among the commenters that the writer is not in the wrong. Many support the father’s decision to cut off his daughter’s tuition until she realizes she is being disrespectful. One commenter accurately summarises this position with:
“His daughter treats him like an ATM all the while disrespecting him. What’s worse is she wants him to pay for college, with money that will come from both him and his new wife who she treats like sh**. Like it or not they are family and if she refuses to be a part of that family, she has no right to additional support from it.”
Effectively, the commenters believe that the daughter is undeserving of her father’s financial sacrifice and does not deserve to have the unearned reward of college tuition.
Maybe It’s Not The Best Solution
However, there is a small cohort who have suggested that there might be some issues with his technique. One person is in agreement that the daughter is in the wrong, but not with the method of punishment:
“Paying money for ‘love’ or withholding money for not is never successful and kinda abusive. The only thing that can come out of that is Ariel pretending to enjoy them for the minimum time for $.”
Family Is Complicated
It is a difficult situation where the daughter may be in the wrong, but dealing with the situation is a lot more complicated. There are a lot of considerations about the complex family relationships in this article to consider. Generally, those in the comment section suggest that the writer is not in the wrong for having an issue with his daughter. But, his method for dealing with it might not be the most appropriate.
Paying for college is a significant financial commitment, and it is important that the writer carefully considers his financial circumstances and priorities before making a decision. It is also important that the writer openly and honestly communicate with your daughter about your expectations and concerns regarding her relationship with your new family.
Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to pay for your daughter’s college education is a personal one and should be based on your individual circumstances and values. It may be helpful to seek the advice of trusted friends or family members or consult with a financial advisor before making a final decision.