OP has a close friend named Jason, whom he’s known since high school. Recently, another mutual friend, Marcus, came out as gay. Despite knowing that Jason is both homophobic and a devout Christian, he reacted to Marcus’s news with compassion and apologized if he had ever slighted him in the past.
Jason Says It’s a Sin
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However, a week later, Jason told OP and Marcus that he struggled to reconcile his religious beliefs with supporting homosexuality. He ultimately concluded it was a sin and could not support the “lifestyle.”
He Disagreed With Him Being Gay
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Although Jason reiterated that he still loved Marcus as a friend and accepted him, he clarified that he disagreed with him being gay.
OP Repulsed
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OP was repulsed and furious on behalf of Marcus when Jason expressed his homophobic views and felt that their friendship would not recover from this.
He Cannot Condone Homophobia
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OP recognizes that there are varying degrees of homophobia and sees the inner conflict and struggle that Jason is facing. However, he cannot condone homophobia and is considering cutting him off as a friend.
Should They Cut Jason Off
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OP is torn between acknowledging Jason’s compassion and kindness, which they have experienced firsthand, and their inability to support his homophobic beliefs. They are struggling with the dilemma of whether or not they would be in the wrong to cut off Jason for his homophobia.
The Online Community Responds
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There are some well-considered approaches from many of the people in the thread.
“NTA. If Jason holds beliefs inconsistent with your views on ethics, and you believe maintaining a relationship with him conflicts with your ethics, then don’t.”
Find Humor
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“I always find some humor in people who say they ‘accept’ someone who is gay but make a point of condemning them for being gay. Being gay is who they are; if they accept them, they accept their homosexuality.”
In An Impasse
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OP and Jason are at an impasse where they say that each of their opinions opposes the other. This is a difficult decision, but OP suggests that if they oppose this fundamentally, then they may want to part ways as friends.
He’s a Hypocrite
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Moreover, they make an accurate assessment of the hypocrisy of Jason’s opinion. He is highlighting that Jason says he accepts homosexuality but simultaneously notes that it contradicts his religious beliefs to the core.
They Need to Talk
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There is a section of the thread that promotes the idea that there should be a conversation rather than ousting Jason without explanation.
“It’s emotionally taxing to have someone around you frequently who’s vocalized that they refuse to understand or support you over a part of who you are. I wouldn’t just ghost him, I’d explain the reason for not wanting to spend time with him, but you’re never obligated to keep socializing with someone whose views make you uncomfortable.”
It’s Not the Solution
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This reader explains that OP is valid in thinking they will have an ongoing clash of ideas with Jason due to the fundamental disagreement based on their values. However, they insist that ghosting him is not the correct solution.
Act Like Adults
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They should act like adults and speak openly about their concerns. This is the best way to deal with these types of personal conflicts. Even if it is a conversation geared at explaining their separation, it is better to make that clear rather than hide it.
Compassion and Tolerance
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“YTA, you’d cut him off for his beliefs, but neither your homophobic friend nor the gay friend are cutting each other off. And he’s struggling with the issue without your judgment. Compassion and tolerance go all ways.”
The Approach Might Work
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This is another approach given by a well-supported reader in the thread. They advocate for tolerating the intolerant Jason. This would be used as an effective measure to introduce the idea that being gay is not a bad thing. Given that they have been very kind generally, this approach may work well for both Jason and OP.
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