Relationships come with many challenges and compromises. Some are unforeseen, while others are just a natural part of your deal. But what happens when a tradition from your partner’s family feels like it’s crossing the line?
One Redditor (OP) has found themselves in this dilemma after being asked to take a test by her boyfriend’s family to prove she is a suitable partner for him.
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Behind the Scenes
For almost half a decade, OP has been dating her boyfriend ‘Eric.’ Eric is from a different country, and his family has always been welcoming and friendly towards OP. However, on their last visit, things turned when the family bought up the tradition of testing future daughters-in-law to see if they were good enough for their sons. The test includes household chores, cooking skills, and other gender-specific life skills, and it was expected that OP had been learning this from early childhood.
Navigating Tough Choices
Using this test as a tradition felt ridiculous to OP, as it seemed to put the onus on her to prove herself to the family – Where was the son’s test to prove they would make good husbands?
“I found it ridiculous because 1. If I’m good enough for my boyfriend, he should be the one deciding it. and 2. I don’t fit in their targeted category. In his mom’s words, you can’t be a good SAHW (stay-at-home wife) and SAHM (stay-at-home mom) if you can’t be a good homemaker, and she wants to make sure of that.”
This sentiment has left OP asking herself if she’s in the wrong for dodging this test. While her boyfriend insists his family would accept her if she fails, OP still insists this isn’t the point and that the test isn’t necessary or relevant.
To Agree or Not to Agree: Redditors Divided
The Reddit community is split on this issue, with some siding with OP and others with Eric’s family. One user pointed out that it’s essential to adapt to the culture and traditions of the person you’re dating, even if you don’t agree or feel comfortable with them.
“Sorry, but YTA (You’re the a**hole). When dating another culture, you have to adapt to things you are not used to. From your point of view, it is sexist, but for them, it’s the norm. It is important for your bf family and not a big thing to do, so why not?”
With other Redditors following up to adapt to your partner’s cultural traditions.
“I mean, the culture of his family is essential. My wife is Thai, and I would still humor her family’s traditions even if I disagreed with them, as she has done with mine.
It’s disrespectful of you, and I wouldn’t shift the focus from anything. You’re just trying to avoid any semblance of responsibility over your actions. YTA for sure.”
A Word of Warning and an Antidote
One user even offered a friendly word of warning.
“You’re NTA (not the a**hole). This isn‘t just some ‘fun test.’ This shows you everything about their views that you need to know.
Just a gentle warning. My ex-husband came from a traditional family like that. We talked about me not quitting my job and him helping with kids, chores, etc., and before we got married, he always assured me that he didn‘t want a relationship/family life like everyone in his family has and that he wanted to be more modern. Welp, it was all BS. After the wedding, he wanted me to be a stay-at-home wife, keep the house tidy and cook meals for him all day. He just grew up with this kind of life being typical, and ultimately, it was what he wanted, too. We got a divorce over this. Take care”
With another offer a remedy for the entire situation
“I love traditions! Let’s start new ones. The men in my family will drop you in the woods with no resources, a few days’ walk from civilization. If you return, the men will be at a judges’ table with scorecards to judge your wounds, health, and weight of leftover hunting winnings. Hope you score above a 5! Good luck! OP, you are NTA (not the a**hole).”
So, what do you think? Was OP correct to refuse to take this test? How vital are stereotypical gender roles to you?
HIS MORAL STAND AGAINST DISCRIMINATION LEFT HIS FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW REFUSING TO ATTEND HIS WEDDING.
Source: Reddit