The author has been in a relationship with their fiance for seven years. Their brother Joey has been with Lana for five years, and they have two children together. The author has had a rocky relationship with Lana because she is competitive and self-centered.
The author and Joey got engaged, but Lana set their wedding date to be only one month after the author’s wedding, prompting the author and their mom to talk to Joey and Lana about pushing the wedding date back.
This resulted in an argument between the author, their mom, and Joey. The author and their mom were uninvited to their niece’s birthday party. The author wants everyone to live in peace with each other but is wondering if they are the ones in the wrong.
The author’s frustration with Lana is understandable, but the issue may stem from a deeper problem within the family. It is concerning that Lana is copying the author and being competitive with her. Still, Joey may also be fueling the competition between the two women.
Joey’s sudden proposal to Lana and his defensive behavior during the argument suggests that he may be trying to one-up the author and her fiance. The situation is confusing, and some readers don’t understand the conflict. “I had to read it twice; I thought maybe she meant before, though I still don’t see how that’s one-upping, just doing it first.”
Generally, they all seem like they are in the wrong. “YTA. Your mom’s an AH, too (does she really think after 7 years you’re a virgin?) Your brother and his fiance are not AHs in this situation,” so they are just as bad as each other.
The need to apologize and own up to what they did, “I can’t fathom going to someone’s house and yelling at them for planning a wedding AFTER yours and somehow thinking you’re in the right. Brother and fiancé are both owed a massive apology at the minimum.”
The author and their mom may have approached the issue of the wedding dates insensitively, as they could have considered Lana’s desires and feelings more. However, it is understandable that they wanted to enjoy their special day without feeling overshadowed or competing with Lana’s wedding.
But still, not everything is about her, “It’s hard to imagine somebody more self-centered than the OP. It’s all about her.” No one is truly that important. “YTA. Omg, get over yourself. You sound like the competitive/jealous/obnoxious one in this scenario.”
Overall, the situation calls for open and honest communication between all parties involved, especially between the author and Joey. Perhaps taking time to see the problem from other people’s perspectives would be productive, not only considering your needs. In addition, it may be helpful to involve a mediator or therapist to address any underlying issues and ensure that everyone’s feelings and desires are heard and considered.