A woman posted on Reddit recently asking for advice on how to handle a tricky situation she was in with her friend. The woman headed to Am I The A**hole (AITA) to explain that she has a close friend from college who is having some financial difficulties and is asking for help to pay for her wedding.
A Different Type of Wedding Registry
She said that instead of just typical registry gifts, there are items such as wedding flowers, cake, and decorations. While the original poster (OP) stresses that she loves her friend and feels for her financial situation, she cannot afford to help her as she is studying rather than working now.
The OP also explains that her friends’ fiancé is well-off and that he should, be paying more for the wedding, and that she has told her friend she is not in a position to help her out. Despite her saying no, the OP’s friend still has problems accepting the decision and continually asks for wedding contributions.
You would think that after numerous conversations, her friend would understand the OP’s position. Still, instead, she became angry and called her selfish. It was revealed that this is all linked to a pledge made in college among their friends who agreed they should all help pay for each other’s weddings.
The OP’s friend had contributed to her wedding, which meant that her friend thought she should be fair and give her some money, despite her change in circumstances. Because of the college agreement revelation, there was a lot of hate on the OP, with one person commenting, “YTA. I was going to judge the other way too until she gave me $550. Give her the money”.
The overriding opinion was that the OP was indeed the a**hole, as many people pointed out that she didn’t seem lovely. One person said, “Is it just me, or does the fact that OP’s marriage didn’t last a year make me think they should contribute even more?” This seems harsh, but it does seem that there is more to it when it comes to why the friend is so insistent that the OP should contribute to the wedding.
The OP updated the post to tell us that her other friends will be helping her out by gifting her money to pass on to her friend for the wedding and that the fiancé will pay for her flight to the wedding. However, she will still not have money for a gift, explaining that her being there is a gift.
While the friend who gifted her money to pass on gave her $100, the OP only offered her friend money in increments of $5, which the friend refused and is now saying she may as well not come to the wedding.
The update caused even more outrage towards the OP, with one person pointing out, “My marriage failed, so I’m not going to honor the agreement I made with all my friends, but I don’t want her to tell my friends the truth and for them to realize what a terrible friend I am.”
Another poster gave sound friendship advice when they said, “You’re asking us if it’s ok to only take and never give in a friendship? Well, I can say no, and you’re the user in this equation, not your friends. In case that’s a bit more direct and clearer.”
Whether the OP attends the wedding or not, it is clear that the friendship between the two is strained and needs a lot of work. Plenty of things to write about in the memoir the OP said she was writing!