OP is getting married and has invited her sister-in-law (SIL), E, and her daughter to be the flower girl. OP has been trying to form a good relationship with E, including her in the bachelorette party and giving her and her daughter custom-designed gold lockets.
Image Credit: Shutterstock.
However, E recently informed OP that her daughter would not be at the wedding because OP’s fiancé, E’s brother, called and made offensive comments that were racist, sexist, and homophobic. OP was shocked and asked her fiancé’s mother and wife, but they didn’t recall any such conversation.
Eventually, things seemed to be resolved, but later on, E said her daughter would not be in the wedding because they didn’t want her to be objectified and accused OP and her fiancé of being racist, sexist, and homophobic.
OP was devastated, and her fiancé said some hurtful things. Now, OP is unsure what to do and is considering going without contact. The wedding is only a few months away.
The Wedding Isn’t Ruined
Various Redditors in the thread have discussed that this problem would benefit from being addressed from a different angle.
“Sounds like your fiancé needs to find out what is wrong with his sister. Plan out possible replacements or a way to make it work if there is a no-show… how desperately do you need a flower girl? Can someone step up as a bride’s maid if needed?”
Firstly, many contributors have noted that this is OP’s sister-in-law. Therefore, this is really a person and problem that should be dealt with by OP’s soon-to-be husband. More significantly, he is the one being accused initially of being offensive to his niece. So, he should be the one to deal with his sister and resolve the matter.
Additionally, the commenter makes a point about the capacity for the wedding to continue. It is reasonably easy to assign the role of bridesmaid and flower girl. Therefore, the wedding is not ruined, even if this issue is unresolved.
Huge Red Flag
The thread has also included a Redditor that tried to get the heart of the issue with what appears to be an unreasonable family member:
“You move on with your wedding and do not include your crazy SIL anymore.
I don’t understand why you kept her and her daughter at the wedding party after the first accusations. That is nothing I would want in my wedding party, no matter how hard I tried to have a good relationship with them.”
The writer suggests that the SIL has more issues than it may first appear. Although the OP took the initial ones seriously, it appears she is a little unhinged as they go on.
It might be reasonable to assume that she is very irrational or perhaps has another sister’s agenda to cause disruption on the day.
Removing OP’s SIL and her daughter might be the most appropriate course of action in the eyes of the thread. Clearly, this has the possibility of devastating the celebration, so removing them before things get worse might be the best solution. Given that OP has tried very hard to get them to like her, there is something more concerning going on, and people can clearly see that.
It Might Be a Serious Problem
Some more sympathetic contributors are noting that there might be something else going on that the rest of the family should help resolve:
“Sit down and talk with your fiancé, MIL, and family and see if they know what’s going on.
If nobody has a clue- then maybe assume that something is going on with your SIL and that she needs help. Let your MIL handle that, and stop making this about your wedding. Maybe someone is abusing her or her daughter; maybe she’s lost her job— who knows.”
This is advised to ensure that the SIL gets the support she needs. Most likely, there is something more serious going on that need to be dealt with. The alternative would be that OP’s fiance is very abusive, which would also be a helpful revelation.
Source: Reddit