A young woman recently looked for support on Reddit as she faced a dilemma involving her best friend and marriage proposal.
The woman pained readers that she has been friends with her best friend for over 20 years, and when her boyfriend asked for advice on setting up his proposal, she knew exactly what to do. As well as advising on the ring size, the original poster (OP) explained how her friend would like to be proposed to and who she would like present at the proposal.
The Best Friend is Very Close to Her Family
The OP explained that her friend is “incredibly family and friend oriented” and that she has commented on how her boyfriend has not tried to get close to the people most important to her. The OP observes that her friend’s boyfriend is “self-serving and self-focused.”
The OP was amazed to find out, via a mutual l friend, that the boyfriend had been making plans with his family and friends via group text. Everything he said was his idea was what the OP had suggested. The only difference is that the OP’s best friend’s family had been left out of the plans and would not be present.
This led to the OP having a heated debate with the boyfriend as he was planning for his family and friends to share the special moment but not his girlfriend’s. He told the OP, “this is my proposal, and I’ve spent enough time and money to choose how I do it. Just be happy for your friend. It’s not like you’re not coming to the wedding.”
Her Parents Had no Idea That She Was Getting Engaged.
Still infuriated, the OP ran into her friend’s parents, who said they were unaware of any engagement plans (after gently talking about the issue). This made the OP even madder as she knows her friend has told her BF to ask for permission to get married.
Knowing that her friend will be upset by the whole proposal, she predicts that she will cry and be upset that her parents are a “whopping” 30 minutes away from the proposal. She finished by saying she did not want to spoil the surprise but was torn as she didn’t want her friend to be so upset.
Asking if she is the a**hole, she got this response from one Reddit user, DO NOT TELL HER. As much as you know her and want this proposal to go as planned, it is ultimately up to her boyfriend how he wants to do it”. Another said, “don’t blow the proposal. He can propose however he wants, she gets to decide whether or not to accept. She’s going to be disappointed either way, so leave that on him.”
There was some support for the OP among all of the people that deemed her an a**hole, with one person commenting, “honestly, it sounds like he’s intending to isolate her from anyone that is not in his circles so he can control her actions/behavior and as someone else mentioned, make her an extension of him.”
In an update, the OP did reveal that she had kept her mouth shut, but she was surprised to get a call from the BF shouting at her for not showing up even though she never got an invite.
He said he was expecting the OP to come along with her friend’s parents as his girlfriend was upset because he wasn’t there. The OP was shocked at his behavior and stressed that she knew this would happen to which he said, “you just admitted you knew this would happen, so If you knew the whole time and you cared about her, you would have invited them.”
The Truth About the Proposal Was Revealed
Still annoyed, the OP spoke to her friend, who revealed that he popped the question, and then the people he invited popped out of hiding, meaning she was bombarded by his four friends and his family that held a sign saying “welcome to the family, Mrs (name of the boyfriend.”)
Her friend then revealed that she did not want to change her name as her Ukrainian name means a lot to her, which her BF knew. When she protested the sign, her future MIL said, “Well, the ring is already engraved. No changing it now!”.
When asked if her parents were coming, her BF gave an excuse that he didn’t have their number but finally conceded, “This was my proposal to you, and now My family is your family.”. The GF took the ring and left to tell her parents what had happened. She was upset that her friend knew about the proposal but thanked her for trying to help. The edit ended by saying that she is staying with her parents to mull things over.
It is safe to say that there is a lot to unpack with this whole situation, but the lesson learned is that he should not have messed with his girlfriend’s family and should have known that the woman he wanted to marry was so close to them.