A young woman has taken to the Reddit community Am I The A**hole (AITA) after an intense upset between herself and a close friend, the two young women fighting over the friend’s future.
The young woman, OP, tells us that she is twenty-one and her friend is twenty. They and their families have been close for ten years, and OP cares deeply for her friend. This means worrying about her a lot, especially regarding her romantic escapades—” she falls in love with every guy she dates, and tends to become toxic,” OP states.
Her friend has a borderline personality disorder, or BPD, and one of the ways this manifests is that she becomes intensely attached to men who give her any amount of attention, regardless of anything else about them. These relationships quickly sour because she is inevitably more invested than the other party, the word ‘toxic’ implying an unhealthy degree.
OP states that her friend has recently started a long-distance relationship with a man she met online five months ago. The man in question is twenty-seven years old and lives with his mother three hours away from OP and her friend, who drives in her mother’s car to see him every two weeks. So far, she is s worrying that a twenty-year-old having a romantic and sexual relationship with a twenty-seven-year-old is cause for concern.
She Missed a Period
A week before OP made her post on Reddit, she and her friend were socializing. The friend mentioned that she hadn’t got her period—and added that this was immensely disappointing for her because she and her boyfriend were trying to have a baby!
At OP’s shock, the friend went on a tangent with an “elaborate fantasy” about getting pregnant, marrying her boyfriend, and living in his mother’s house with him (his mother apparently wanted grandkids).
OP told her friend this was a bad idea but refused to listen. Finally, given the seriousness of the situation, OP decided to go for outside help. Given that the friend still lives with her mother and, in fact, uses her car to drive the three-hour trip to see her boyfriend, OP informed the mother what was going on. This resulted in a fight between mother and child, with the friend’s car privileges being revoked so she could no longer see the man.
OP Didn’t Want to Snitch
“I didn’t want to tell on her, but I also couldn’t let her do it,” OP finishes.
If there’s one thing for sure in this situation, OP did the right thing here. “To decide to have a kid, under those circumstances, is insane. And given that she doesn’t live on her own and doesn’t support herself, her reckless decision would have affected more people than just her,” says one comment.
OP’s friend is twenty years old, mentally unwell, and unable to care for a child at this stage. In addition to having BPD, OP mentions that her friend is in therapy but that “they are constantly changing her meds,” which to us seems rather worrying. However, suffering from a mood disorder that significantly impacts your ability to regulate your emotional responses is enough to deal with without adding a constantly changing medical prescription that likely makes things even worse.
One commenter said, “What is more sinister is this twenty-seven-year-old boyfriend encouraging a twenty-year-old to have his child and move in with him, which would likely cut her off from her existing support network.” A seven-year age gap isn’t always a red flag, but it can be an issue when the younger person has a disorder that draws her to intense but unstable relationships.
Hopefully, once she’s had some time separated from him, she’ll be able to think more clearly about her decisions.