When it comes to parenting, the stakes are exceptionally high. The actions and behaviors you display today can significantly affect your child’s future, shaping their character, behaviors, and even their mental health. Alarmingly, some parents inadvertently engage in manners that can damage their children’s growth, often overlooking the red flags that signal inappropriate parenting.
Putting Yourself First
“I was working at a restaurant one night, and a door dash driver pulled up to pick up an order. The pot smoke in the car was so thick that I literally couldn’t see the driver. As I approached, they rolled down the window, and smoke began flowing out enough that I could see the interior of the car. In the backseat, in a car seat, was a toddler. I’m not against it, but hotboxing a three-year-old is completely messed up.”
Refusing To Admit You Were Wrong
“Refusing to admit to their child that they were wrong or made a mistake. It’s really common to feel like you can never admit to being wrong because it would undermine your authority. But all you’re doing is modeling emotional immaturity, breeding resentment, and setting your child up for terrible relationship dynamics in the future.”
Constant Criticism & Negative Focus
“If you’re always pointing out the negative [aspects] of your kid’s personality or ability, they are going to live up to that. Accentuate the positive.”
“I am seeing this now. The neighbor has four kids, all under 8. I remember watching mom yell at the 8-year-old because of the way she was writing.”
Not Allowing Them Their Own Enjoyment
“Belittling your child’s hobbies and interests just because they are different from what you like. Your child is their own person, not just a miniature copy of you.”
Being Emotionally Unavailable
“I’m 34 and only now realize how harmful this has been. Being raised in a cold and formal way is nothing short of emotional neglect.”
“Not showing compassion and patience when their child makes a mistake.”
Momfluencers
“Using the children for content. ESPECIALLY during vulnerable emotional moments. It’s one thing if they’re having fun, but when they’re crying? Put your phone down and give them a hug, for goodness sake. What is wrong with people?”
Forsaking Your Child Because of a New Partner
“Giving your child the shaft because of a romantic partner.”
“You can bet your bottom dollar that they’ll also use the kid as an emotional support system anytime their romantic relationships break down.”
Your Child is Frightened of You
“Ask almost any kid who grew up with abusive or toxic parents. 99% of them will have a similar story, and it’s being afraid of your parents, of being afraid when you’re home, and never feeling safe.”
Weaponizing Your Children
“Turning a child against their other parent. Parental alienation because you hate the other parent. My folks have been divorced for as long as I can remember. My old man has only ever once said anything bad about her and immediately apologized for it. Meanwhile, she talks about him at every opportunity, decades later.”
Shaming Them In Front of Others
“A family member’s wife is constantly shaming my family member’s son (her stepson) even on her wedding day, screaming at him in front of the whole wedding. Poor kid’s so quiet & withdrawn. She absolutely makes me sick. I get laughed at because I speak to my son with kindness & respect.”
Swearing At Them
“I was in the electronics section of Walmart the other day, and a kid was nearby looking at video games. The mother, presumably, comes over and starts dropping F-bombs at him, saying she didn’t have money for any ‘stupid games and to get over here, etc.”
Not Feeding Them a Good Diet
“I met a 300-pound 12-year-old girl. All her mom fed her was Burger King.”
“I knew a family that bulk-bought Big Macs and froze them. One for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Their reasoning was it must be fine because he was skinny. He got scurvy.”
Lack of Discipline
“Letting your kid(s) annoy people without repercussions ex: kicking the back of an airline seat.”
“As a waitress, I agree. I can’t tell you how many restaurants I’ve worked at where the parents just allow the kids to run around, scream, and go up to other people’s tables.”
Lack of Medical Care
“Not bothering to get a child a diagnosis when it’s needed. Usually, the reasons are the parents don’t want to deal with the stigma of the diagnosis and/or don’t want the extra work of appointments/therapies/etc.”
Dismissing Their Emotions/Mental Health
“Thinking you know more about the kid’s mental state than they do. ‘Pfft, I know you’re not depressed. I would know!’ Oh really? Because you didn’t notice the self-harm scars until I pointed it out 3 years later.”
Having Kids For The Wrong Reasons
“Having kids to ‘plug the hole’ in a life that feels incomplete. Having kids to ‘tick the next box’ after mortgage, car, etc. And the worst of all – having kids just to appease your partner when you don’t want them (I’m not talking 60/40, I’m talking when it’s 100/0).”
Selfishness
“Having boyfriends/girlfriends come and go all the time and putting your own needs above your children. I hate that so much. Don’t put your kids in bad situations, and don’t let them see bad things. It isn’t healthy, and they will grow up to resent you.”
Not Keeping A Nest For Them
“Kicking your kid out under any circumstances. Unless they’re a criminal, there should not be a reason for you to kick them out with nowhere else to go, especially if they just turned 18.”
“I got kicked out for grades. Like??? How are they going to improve on the streets?????”
Too Much Screen Time
“Shoving a screen in front of your 2-year-old’s face to keep them entertained 24/7.”
“A relative of mine pretty much does this in order to keep her kids quiet. Her husband, on the other hand, is super active with the kids and takes them outside all the time.”
Never Telling Them No
“When your adult kid turns out to be a massive narcissist who has been coddled and not been told ‘no’ in his entire life, and the mere fact that someone rejects him or doesn’t like him sends him to throw a massive narcissist meltdown.”
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