Talking with people you don’t know super well is never easy. Just how do you keep the conversation light without boring them? It doesn’t have to be as difficult as you think as long as you avoid asking strangers these 18 questions.
Money Matters
“So, how much money do you make?” is one you shouldn’t be asking close friends, let alone acquaintances. Money’s a touchy subject for lots of people, and asking about someone’s paycheck comes across as a bit nosy, even if there are benefits to it. Everyone’s finances are different. Respect that.
Marital Status Musings
When you ask, “Why aren’t you married yet?” it puts someone in a tight spot because this question assumes a lot about their personal goals. Worst of all, it can seem judgmental or like you’re pushing your expectations on them. Just remember that no matter if they’re enjoying the single life or dealing with something more complicated, it’s their story to share.
Relationship Status
Similarly, while asking “Are you seeing anyone?” seems like casual banter, it can pry a bit too much into personal life. Whatever’s going on in their love life, if they want to talk about it, they’ll bring it up. There’s so much more to talk about than who’s dating who. Why make someone feel like they need to share their relationship status with you?
Religious Roundabouts
Curiosity might have you wondering, “Do you go to church?” but let’s avoid that question. Religion is a personal matter, and this kind of question might make someone feel like they need to defend their beliefs or their lack of them. Instead, it’s best to steer the conversation towards more neutral topics like movies or books.
Family Planning
It’s not the 1950s anymore, so there’s no good reason to ask, “When are you two having kids?” That’s a pretty assumptive question and can bring up some bad feelings for people dealing with fertility issues or those who’ve decided they don’t want kids. Leave the family planning to the planners because not everyone’s life needs to include being a parent.
Body Talk
Mentioning someone’s body, even innocently, like asking, “Have you gained weight?” will only make people feel self-conscious. You might mean it as a simple observation, but it can hurt their feelings or stir up insecurities. Avoid the whole thing by sticking to topics that don’t involve personal appearance so that everyone stays comfortable in their skin.
Ethnic Enquiries
“What’s your ethnic background?” is a surefire way to make people feel like they’re being put in a box. After all, not everyone’s keen on discussing their heritage in casual conversation, so this question can make them uncomfortable. Instead, let them share their personal details naturally over time rather than giving them the third degree.
Sobriety Queries
You might ask, “Why don’t you drink alcohol?” because you’re genuinely interested, but keep it to yourself. Asking this could force someone to disclose personal or health reasons that they’d prefer to keep private, especially since they might avoid alcohol for reasons they’d rather not say. If someone turns down a drink, just let it be.
Age Inquiries
Age is a number, yet so many of us think it’s acceptable to ask “How old are you, anyway?” to complete strangers, particularly if they’re women. You wouldn’t want to be judged for your age, would you? You’re better off focusing on topics that don’t depend on how many candles they’re blowing out, particularly when you’re just looking to enjoy someone’s company.
Food Focus
When you notice someone’s not eating much and ask, “Why aren’t you eating much?” it might come from a place of concern. But really, it just puts them on the spot, as they might be dealing with dietary restrictions or health issues. Most of all, everyone has different appetites and food preferences, which are their prerogative. There’s no need to make a meal out of it.
Political Probe
Never ask, “Did you vote for [Politician]?” unless you’re really close to the person you’re talking to. Otherwise, you’ll open a can of worms that you probably weren’t intending to, which might end with a falling out. Politics is usually personal and always divisive, so keep the conversation politically neutral to prevent a pleasant night from turning into a debate session.
Career Critique
“When are you going to get a real job?” comes across as though you’re dismissing someone’s current gig. What might not seem like a “real job” to some could be a passion project or a stepping stone for others, and you should respect that. It’s okay for everyone’s career path to look different. If we all did the same job, that’d be a pretty boring world, wouldn’t it?
Job Judgement
Speaking of jobs, the question, “Why are you still working there?” suggests that people should be unhappy with their jobs or looking for something better. Give people the benefit of the doubt that they know what’s best for their careers and happiness because it is their life, after all. Plus, lots of people find value in their work that isn’t visible at first glance, like great coworkers or a short commute.
Social Media Skepticism
Try to avoid asking, “How come you’re not on [Social Media Platform]?” Some people might have some personal reasons for avoiding social media, such as fears about privacy or other issues. Not everyone wants to be online, and although it might be hard to believe, social media isn’t the only way to stay connected.
Look-Related Remarks
It’s okay to be worried about someone, but asking, “Are you sick? You look tired,” is definitely not. This kind of question makes the other person feel like they have to defend their appearance or health. Maybe they had a rough night, or maybe they’re just fine, but either way, let’s focus on how they’re feeling inside rather than how they look.
Spending Scrutiny
If you want to put someone on the defensive, then ask them, “How can you afford that?” after they’ve made a big purchase. If you don’t want to do that, then avoid it altogether. It’s not really our place to quiz other people on their finances or judge their spending habits, so just respect their privacy instead.
Ex-Exploration
We’re all naturally curious, but you know what they say happened to the cat. Asking, “What happened to your ex?” is way too personal and will probably bring up memories they’d rather not revisit. Besides, focusing on past drama is going to dampen the mood of any conversation, which is why you should look towards the future instead.
Homeownership Hurdle
“Why don’t you own a house yet?” can sound like you’re questioning their life choices or financial wisdom. Remember that not everyone dreams about homeownership, and they might see success quite differently from you. Whether they prefer the flexibility of renting or are saving up for something big, their housing situation is their business, and you should just encourage whatever makes them happy.
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