Life takes unexpected turns when you are least prepared for it, for it’s natural for people to struggle with change. However, her ex-husband wants to reclaim his surname, but his ex-wife is reluctant as she has built her life being associated with this name. Is he right to ask for it back, and is she right for wanting to keep it?
The Amicable Split
Meg and her ex-husband of 26 years, who we’ll call Tony, divorced two years ago. They’re the proud parents of four kids. The circumstances of their breakup (he is gay) made for a friendly divorce.
The Lingering Last Name
Meg adopted her husband’s surname out of cultural convention and peer pressure. Her identity, driver’s license, passport, all credit cards, and voter registration card now bear his surname.
The Reluctance To Change
Meg didn’t want to drop his surname because she dreaded the thought of having to go through the hassle of changing her name legally everywhere, from government organizations to credit cards to bank accounts.
Tony’s New Chapter And The Travel Invitation
Tony is engaged and plans to tie the knot within the following year. Their son and his family decided to take a trip, and Meg was invited. The son needed to make reservations and asked for Meg’s ID.
The Party Banter
Meg, Tony, and the fiancee subsequently attended Meg’s grandson’s birthday celebration. Their son joked in the family’s chat circle that he couldn’t believe Meg still used the family name. Meg joked that she was too lazy to immediately start changing everything with her ex’s name on it.
Tony’s Discomfort
Tony began to question whether or not Meg had changed her name, and he claimed that it was strange of Meg to do so while he was engaged to someone else.
Meg’s Practicality
Meg just replied: “Unless you can go to my place, spend hours and hours in lines, and pay hundreds for it, I won’t do it in the near future.” They stopped talking, and the party flowed smoothly.
Tony’s Call
Tony then called Meg and told her she was annoying and weird by refusing to change the name, which made him uneasy.
The Son’s Perspective
Meg talked to their son about it, and he said he could see why Meg didn’t want it but also why Tony wouldn’t want his ex-wife using his last name after the divorce.
What Should Meg Do?
Meg has to decide whether it’s more sensible to keep her last name or save her ex-husband’s feelings. Thus, she goes to an online support group for guidance. People have the following to chime in.
It’s His Cup of Tea
Someone quips that if having his ex share a last name with him bothers him so much, perhaps he should take his fiancé’s name after they marry. A second user replied, “Absolutely,” and added that they hoped he would take his new husband’s name when they marry so he could see how difficult it is to change it. A third user extends it even farther “and then has to alter it all back when the new guy divorces him.”
“I Didn’t Change Mine”
“I didn’t change mine because I had security clearance and various foreign licenses in healthcare in my married name, which dates back to the 1980s,” explains a divorcee. When she tried to change it for a new job, one of the references did not remember her or her work, and things were left out. She finally gave up and accepted. She’s almost ready to retire and claims it’s not worth her time.
The Trouble Involved
Someone remarks, “Imagine having to spend hours queuing to change your last name with a vehicle agency in the most developed country in the world. That’s utterly ridiculous.”
The Problem With Changing It
One person expresses concern that if Meg changes her name, she will no longer have the same surname as her children. A second person declares that after 26 years of marriage and four children, that’s her last name.
My Grandma Never Changed Hers
A user narrates how her grandmother was married to their grandfather for 20 years and had four children. Her grandmother kept their grandfather’s surname 45 years after the divorce despite being married and having a child.
Candid Advice
“You don’t have to do it again,” someone exclaimed. They clarify that Meg has had a double-barrel surname for nearly three decades and is irrelevant to your husband’s subsequent marriage. Another commenter adds that the men must also realize that in a divorce, the woman may not want to change her identity or give her children a different last name.
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Her Ex-Husband Is Getting Married Again And Demands Her To Drop His Surname, But She Doesn’t Want To. Is She Right?
Life takes unexpected turns when you are least prepared for it, for it’s natural for people to struggle with change. However, her ex-husband wants to reclaim his surname, but his ex-wife is reluctant as she has built her life being associated with this name. Is he right to ask for it back, and is she right for wanting to keep it?