Dating is difficult, but occasionally, guys searching for love flounder in the love pool like a dying fish due to these 14 typical errors.
Selective Effort
“Thinking that once you’ve got her, you can stop making any effort. Just try. Even little steps.”
“Offer to cook dinner, even if it’s something unremarkable. Tell her something nice, doesn’t have to be crazy dramatic, just something positive and true.”
“The little things show me that he still cares and thinks about me throughout the day. I feel very loved when he goes to the store and picks up my favorite candy.”
Taking Their Partner For Granted
“After watching my parent’s marriage disintegrate and many of my friends seemingly divorce out of nowhere – I’d say taking your partner for granted ranks up there.”
“Not taking for granted includes more than just doing your share of the household work – it includes thanking them, complimenting them, and letting them know they’re appreciated.”
Not Listening
“Trying to fix rather than listen. It’s frustrating when I’m having a bad day/feeling bad about myself, and my boyfriend tactlessly comments, ‘Well, if you hate your body, you can change it. Just go on a diet.’ He means well but that just makes me feel worse.”
Unhealthy Attitude to Emotions
“Ask your SO clearly what she would like, what she expects, and how she’d like you to deal with her. i.e. does she like to be left alone? brought a cup of tea? Cuddled?”
“If there’s even a hint of tears or red face, I’m immediately ‘illogical’ and ‘too emotional’.”
Laziness
“In my experience – getting lazy once the relationship gets to the “comfortable” phase. I mean that they stop helping with the necessary maintenance to keep a relationship going.
Every failed long-term relationship I’ve been in has done so once I got tired of feeling like I had to initiate everything we did.”
Lack of Communication
“I’d say thinking you know what we want. You should ask us what we want, never assume. Communicate.”
“Communication. By that, I mean not dismissing concerns and saying we’re being oversensitive; assuming instead of asking.”
Indecision
“I think too many men take their serious relationships too lightly initially. If you want to act single, stay single. Don’t walk the line.”
“I don’t want to get in a relationship that looks like it could go somewhere for you to say, ‘Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you thought we were serious,’ especially when you’ve led me to believe that we were going somewhere.”
Identity Loss
“Guys (especially younger ones) getting into relationships and then making that their whole lives. Not having any kind of identity outside of being someone’s loving boyfriend.”
“Thinking that the only reason you’re sad or lonely or depressed is that you don’t have a partner, and expecting a relationship/girlfriend to fix all your problems.”
Selfishness
“I think there is a degree of unselfishness – putting another person’s wants before your own – that doesn’t come naturally to most people.”
“And relationships, successful relationships, require both parties to be unselfish. I don’t think this is exclusive to men, but I think selfishness is what kills most relationships.”
“If one person is a ‘giver’ and the other a ‘taker’ it can lead to serious issues because the ‘giver’ eventually has nothing left to give, and resentment builds up over time.”
Lack of Compromise
“Expecting their partner to consistently make sacrifices for their benefit, especially without being prepared to do anything in return. A lot of our culture focuses on the man’s needs and wants (physical and sexual) and ignores the woman’s. That’s not cool, and it breeds mad resentment.”
Dishonesty
“I would say telling lies. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that women become the best detectives on the planet when it comes to their SO lying to them.”
“There’s no need to lie about your age. There’s no need to lie about where you went or who you were with tonight.”
“And what are his reasons for lying to me in the first place? Once he makes it clear that he can’t be honest, the relationship dies.”
Ex-Partner Projections
“Assuming that I am going to be similar in any way (positive or negative) to your last girlfriend. I’m a different person.”
Not Giving Space
“Parents’ marriage died due to working together. The business became so successful they had to live in separate areas. Never work with your spouse; everyone needs space.”
Hormone Ignorance
“My BF doesn’t take my PMSing seriously. He thinks women use it as an excuse to do things they shouldn’t. I swear to God, there are some moments I can’t control my moods, and I get overly angry or start crying, and I don’t know why. Bros, PMS is real, and we can’t control it.”
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