Internet users share their nuggets of relationship wisdom gained in the last year or so.
Early Warning Signs
“It’s such a cliche, but the red flags you ignore in the beginning always always always end up being the reasons something doesn’t work out. There is excellent cost further down the line when you ignore your initial intuition.”
They Won’t Play Hard To Get
“The biggest thing I’ve come to learn is that the majority of the time when someone’s attracted to you, they’ll make it easy to get to know them. And when someone’s attracted to you AND sees LTR compatibility, most of the time, they’ll make it easy to date them.”
Inconsistency is a Dealbreaker
“Don’t waste your time on people who aren’t consistent with you. If someone can’t be compatible and follow up on what they plan and say they’ll do with you, just let it go. The reason doesn’t matter. They may appear to be everything to you at the moment, but if they’re brushing you off the next day, that isn’t a positive sign, no matter how you try to rationalize for them.”
Don’t Make Excuses for the Other Person’s Behavior
“Look at how it’s affecting you, communicate it, and leave it if it’s not mutually worked out with respect. Don’t try to be a therapist and sort out who hurt them to cause them to act that way. Respect and take care of yourself.”
Step Away From The Dating Pool
“Sometimes the best thing you can do is to take a break from dating, ignore that FOMO. You’ll come back a better, stronger person. Online dating is hard. Also very much agree with what’s been said about if someone is interested in you, they’ll make you very aware of it. Try to look for ‘yes’ rather than ‘hmm, I suppose’”.
Respect is Non-Negotiable
“Don’t be with someone who doesn’t respect you and can’t see your value. If they are okay with letting you go, let them be alone for a while, try to improve what you can about yourself, and start dating again. That’s my approach.”
People Can Only Give You What They’re Able to Give
“Someone can be doing their absolute very best, and it’ll never be enough because their best is not what you’re looking for. My ex wasn’t an emotional person, and I know he ‘tried,’ but if you have no language to express how you feel, and you don’t have the vocabulary beyond ‘good,’ ‘bad,’ and ‘sad,’ I can’t be with you, my feelings have depth and nuance.”
Sometimes Love Dies
“The thing I’ve learned: it doesn’t matter how much you love and cherish someone; one day, either you or your partner might up and decide one day that they don’t love you anymore and can leave at any time. And sometimes it isn’t anyone’s fault, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Bad Behavior & Excuses
“I don’t try to explain away bad behavior with excuses anymore. I just accept it for what it is and don’t take it personally. But I will call it out. I’ve also taken to heart that I need to offer what I’m asking for in a potential match, so that has meant a lot of work on my conflict and communication approach.”
There’s No Harm in Being Single For a While
“I’m taking a break. After finding out the guy I was seeing was lying to me and plenty of other people and also having relations with men, I deleted the apps. I’m going to chill and sit back. If someone comes across my path and we click, then sure. But I’m done searching.”
Communication is Key
“Communication, healthy conflict resolution, and effort must be paramount in dating. When you know, you know. Some of us struggle to try to convert perceived potential into reality. We see the person doesn’t meet our standards and desires, but we persist.”
No Relationship is Perfect
“My mom also gave me some good advice which is that you can’t keep looking for perfection because people aren’t perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect person, perfect relationship, perfect life.”
Interest = Effort
“People who are interested will make the effort to reach out and make plans to be around, people who don’t have no energy. Simple things feel like a chore, can hardly hold a conversation, and replies are dry one-word text with no prospect of continuation. Don’t even bother, you are truly better off.”
Trust Your Intuition
“It knows more than you! Someone could be great on paper but if they don’t make you feel comfortable, they are not great. Someone could make you feel comfortable but you feel like they are hiding a part of themselves, then they are (and you’re not going to like it).”
Online Dating Attracts Some Toxic People
“There are way more narcissists in this world, especially the dating world, than I ever imagined. Also, very strange people. You must be careful. If they seem too good to be true, THEY ARE!”
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