In a virtual inquiry, an individual harnessed the power of the internet to ask a poignant question: “What do you feel is the hardest part about growing up as a boy?” Like a stone cast into the waters of the online realm, this inquiry created ripples of contemplation. In response, diverse voices and viewpoints surfaced, coalescing into a collection of the top fifteen answers. These insights form a tapestry of experiences, shedding light on boys’ multifaceted challenges to adulthood.
Trying To Figure Out What It Means To Be A Man
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Navigating the intricate path of masculinity, an individual shared, “Trying to figure out what it means to be a man while only having crappy human beings give you the worst advice/takes imaginable, and fumbling your way through. At the same time, defending yourself against a piece of a trash human being when you don’t conform to their ideology of ‘manhood.'” This perspective underscored the challenge of deciphering manhood amidst conflicting guidance while encountering resistance from those who rigidly defined it.
The Gender Discrimination – The Other Way Round
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Reflecting on personal experiences, an individual expressed, “I think in a broad, generalized way what I struggled with most was this:
I learned from one incident after another that once you pass out of childhood, almost everyone treats boys and girls very differently. (This may be different from everyone’s experience.) but I witnessed endlessly that when a girl fails, is bullied, needs help, needs guidance, people’s response is essentially, ‘Aww, you poor thing, let me help you,’ and for boys, the answer is ‘What’s wrong with you, just move on.'” This observation underscored the disparate reactions to challenges faced by boys and girls, emphasizing a societal bias that calls for consideration.
Understanding That Boys Are Automatically Perceived As Threats Once They’re Eighteen
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Navigating the intricate path of maturation, an individual grappled with the realization, “Coming to terms with the fact that by the time you’re 18, most women, even if subconsciously see you as a threat and how to navigate making them feel safer around you.” This sentiment underscored the challenge of reconciling with how one is perceived, particularly concerning women, while striving to create an environment of comfort and safety for them.
Being Told Boys Don’t Cry And The Likes Of It
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“Everyone expects you to be tough. Being told boys don’t cry, and when you do cry, it, ohh, that’s nothing. I’ll give you something to cry about,” recounted an individual, shedding light on the societal pressure for emotional resilience. The lingering impact of such upbringing was poignantly expressed by another, “Then as an adult, you have no feelings, no emotions, and you’re a closed book who doesn’t know how to express yourself because you’ve had to suppress your feelings for the first 18 years of your life.” These narratives unveiled the lasting repercussions of stifling emotions during the formative years, resulting in challenges in adult emotional expression.
Not Internalizing The “Men Are Bad” Idea
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Reflecting on a struggle, one expressed, “Not internalizing the ‘men are bad’ idea that gets pushed so heavily. It got into me many years ago, and I’m STILL trying to break away from that internalized hatred.” This sentiment underscored the challenge of combating negative societal narratives, revealing the ongoing effort to distance oneself from harmful self-perceptions ingrained over time.
No “My Body, My Choice” Validation
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Someone highlighted a poignant issue: “Far too many of us didn’t get a ‘my body, my choice’ during our first few days of life and had irreversible procedures done on us.” This perspective sheds light on non-consensual procedures performed on infants, underscoring the potential violation of personal autonomy early in life.
No Role Models Or Just Bad Role Models
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“Trying to figure out how to become a man when you have no male role models around,” articulated an individual, highlighting the struggle of forging an identity without guidance. Another participant accentuated this challenge, remarking, “Or trying to figure out how to become a GOOD man when you’ve only had bad role models.” These insights illuminated the complex journey of male maturation without positive male influences, underscoring the aspiration for virtuous masculinity amid limited examples.
Hitting Puberty Considerably Late
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Reflecting on personal insecurities, an individual noted, “Maybe this is shallow compared to other responses, but I was a very late bloomer while my older brother (18-month age difference) was a full-grown man at age 13. Really affected my confidence in locker rooms, just wearing shorts and seeing other kids had hair on their legs. I didn’t hit puberty until I was 15. Mentally scarring going through the beginning of high school looking like a child.” This narrative revealed the profound impact of physical development on self-esteem during formative years.
No Hormone Excuses
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Highlighting a perceived double standard, an individual remarked, “When girls act erratic, it’s their hormones, but as a boy, you’re just a bad kid with behavior issues…” This perspective illuminated the contrasting interpretations of behavior based on gender, shedding light on the tendency to attribute girls’ actions to hormonal changes while labeling boys differently, potentially leading to an unequal assessment of behavior.
Learning How To Voice Your Emotions
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“Learning how to voice your emotions when you’re already an adult,” remarked an individual, encapsulating a sentiment shared by many. Another participant who stated, “This is huge, and it’s so difficult, underscored the magnitude of this challenge. I can barely recognize my emotions, much less express them healthily.” These voices harmonized to highlight adults’ intricate struggle in articulating their feelings, unveiling a shared journey toward emotional self-expression and understanding.
Being Rarely Considered Innocent
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Reflecting on societal perceptions, one noted, “We rarely get this cute age of innocence where we’re seen as just harmless children. Maybe it’s because I’m Black, but society flips a switch the second we can walk and talk and decides we’re capable and willing to do just any crime or despicable act.” This viewpoint illuminated the intersection of race and age in shaping perceptions, revealing a lament over the early stripping of childhood innocence due to unjust assumptions.
Being Force-Fed Psychotropic Drugs
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Addressing a challenging experience, an individual conveyed, “Being force-fed psychotropic drugs because your little ape body wasn’t designed to sit still and concentrate for 6 hours.” This account sheds light on the struggles of conforming to rigid educational expectations and the potential overreliance on medication to manage natural childhood energy and behavior.
Worrying About Being A Good Provider To Family
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Concerns about being a reliable provider for one’s family were shared, with an individual expressing, “Worrying about if you’ll be a good provider for your family. My parents told me I’d never be a good provider when I was 11.
Being shamed for having emotions. Be Boys Don’t Cry and all that. Feeling like you’re doing something wrong because you like a girl. In general, feeling as if you should apologize for crappy man behavior that you have nothing to do with.” These reflections illuminated the weight of societal expectations and the complexities of navigating traditional gender roles, ultimately touching on the burdens placed on boys from a young age.
Being Expected To Figure Everything Out
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Observing a gap in guidance, an individual remarked, “I feel like we aren’t taught things as we age. We are just expected to figure things out because we are boys. As if we will magically know how to do everything.” This perspective highlighted a sense of unaddressed expectation for boys to acquire skills without explicit instruction, exposing a potential disparity in upbringing and education between genders.
Being Expected To Deal With Bullies By Getting Tough
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“Being expected to deal with bullies by getting tough on my own and not receiving any help from adults supposedly in charge,” voiced an individual, shedding light on a distressing aspect of growing up. Another participant echoed this sentiment, stating, “This. I was bullied my whole childhood in school until I went to the gym every day and became a ‘not so easy’ target in high school. It led to me incorporating physical fitness into my life, which also pulled me through many other things later on.” These reflections poignantly illustrated the challenging dynamics of facing adversity alone during formative years, with physical strength emerging as a source of empowerment.
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