If you’re anything like us, you’ve spent some time daydreaming about your perfect partner. But what exactly makes someone “spouse material”? We came across a post asking this very question, and the answers did not disappoint. Grab a box of tissues (just in case), and join us on this journey of discovering what it really means to be spouse material.
Key Communication
“Good communication and conflict resolution skills. The ability to work through a disagreement calmly and rationally. Sees problems as “us vs. the problem,” not “me vs. you.”
“These traits were totally green flags. They are why I married my partner. We never argue or fight. We discuss the problem at hand and work on it together.
Other green flags are that they don’t rely on me for a complete inventory of our home and can organize, clean, plan, and book. We are equal.”
Bad Family
“I’m not going to lie; I thought you were exaggerating about your family. But you’re not crazy; they really do treat you like garbage.”
“I always felt that my family mistreated me, but nobody ever confirmed it, and I thought, “But how can my own family be like that? I’m probably just trying to be the victim”. When my boyfriend met them, he said, “You see that they are super belittling to you, right?”. I knew he was the one at that point.”
Other People
“Good with kids. Flattered by but not interested in every person who hits on them – knows what they want.”
“YES! The first bit of attention, and they run off for greener grass. Like bro, just water your own?”
Got You
“Someone who will have your back when things are difficult for you.”
“I feel you. Most of my friends are married to a husband just like this. It’s even more frustrating that they expected nothing more than that.
Being Responsible
“Not running away from responsibilities.”
“This is a HUGE one. So many people run from their responsibilities as soon as they think the grass is greener elsewhere. As another person said, security is everything. Security, trust, and being able to rely on your spouse to do the right thing for you and your family— even when things aren’t all rainbows and butterflies.”
Caring for You
“Respecting and caring about my thoughts and feelings more than they care about impressing their male friends.”
“So much, I will always put my partner/loved ones’ opinions over others. I have the privilege of having them in my life, and I don’t intend to waste that trying to impress others that don’t mean as much to me.”
Friendly Fun
“Good banter, excellent communication, ain’t afraid to say what’s on his mind, won’t be trying to play “macho man” if I wanna pay the food bill, romantic chemistry, and is my best friend.”
“She draws the line at Village People.”
Being Wrong
“Being able to admit when you’re wrong, picking your battles, but most importantly (to me); being able to open up about insecurities (not necessarily physical) to the other partner. It makes the partner feel dependable and trusted, reinforcing that the couple is in this together instead of being adversaries or competitors.”
Working Together
“Assertive, time to time chivalrous. Kind, but not a doormat. Open minded. Willing to communicate, listen and improve. Does not judge nor shame anyone for their circumstances. He is reliable and is a teammate instead of an ‘alpha.’ Well… I think I just created a man too good to be true, lol.”
Taking It
“A man who can take my broken brain meltdowns, spotty memory, and erratic personality with a sense of humor. ETA: Some people consider me abusive, and him chuckling along nervously. That’s not what I’m talking about at all. As for what I am talking about, see Mr. Bennet from Pride and Prejudice for reference.”
Not Acting Up
“Just someone who’s got his act together is after something long-term and serious, has the maturity to work through stuff, and is ready to share his life.”
Terrific Teamwork
“Teamwork. That both parties in the relationship view the future as an “us” versus “I.” I no longer have “I” thoughts regarding bigger decisions; I usually think, “Would we like this,” etc. Some guys I dated didn’t realize that I was vetting them when dating. I would be deciding whether they’d be a good life partner. I know how a guy treats me is how he will treat his family/future kids… his level of involvement.”
Not Defensive
“Responds to criticism in a non-confrontational way, doesn’t get defensive, willing to work with you + always honest.”
“I think I’m ready to leave my relationship with an otherwise mature partner because no matter how hard I’ve tried to be our emotional rock, I can’t do it anymore. I can’t take defensiveness in every hard conversation we have.”
Truly Honest
“Someone who is honest and not manipulative. Someone who doesn’t invalidate your feelings and make you feel crazy for having them. Someone who is loyal and faithful. Someone who is willing to work with you on your marriage and not against you and tells you that YOU aren’t working hard enough. Someone who doesn’t put you down every chance they get but builds you up when they see you struggling. Someone who doesn’t do things behind your back. The list could go on and on. Me personally? I prefer honest communication with someone I can trust to hear me, love me, and see my vulnerabilities and help me work through them rather than use them to tear me down.”
Healthcare
“Once, on an early date, my chronic health issue was acting up. Instead of bailing, he went and got me ice cream and a care package and watched a movie with me at home. I married that one.”
“Is he still available?”
Off Paper
“Being with them is better than being single. We can sit around doing nothing much, and it’ll be time well spent. Their company is like a warm hug at the end of a frustrating rainy day. Neither of us is seriously tempted by anyone else. We care about each other’s happiness more than about each other’s attractiveness or success, even though we may invest in the latter things also. We trust that we see each other as humans and care on a human level, treat each other kindly, and don’t default to judgment, condescension, or sexist views of how the other should be. And we are on the same page about the big strokes of how we see the future going. There’s a lot of “good on paper” stuff otherwise, like a good career, good looks, etc., but those things don’t necessarily last nor make for a great dynamic in the long run, IMO.”
Staying Together
“This one is sad, but when my dad was dying, my brother, my partner, and I stayed with him every night. My partner didn’t hesitate; he was always there for me. He held me after my dad took his last breath and supported me when he was sick. I would do weekend shifts at the hospital, come on Saturday morning, sleep there, and go home on Sunday afternoon to start getting ready for my work week. My partner would stay up all night talking to me until I fell asleep, call me when I was in the cafeteria, and reassure me. This meant and helped me so much; that’s why when he asked me to marry him, I had no hesitation.”
Equal Footing
“Taking an equal amount of responsibility for things in the relationship. Want to have dinner on Friday? Sure, I’ll grab the groceries. Can you pick up the wine? The faucet in the bathroom is leaking. Ok, I’ll call the plumber. It is incredibly attractive when someone actively participates in the relationship. It lets me know they are in it just as much as I am, and it signals that they would be a good long-term life partner.”
Getting Closer
“When you are struggling, they draw near to you instead of backing off in fear.”
Good Gifts
“I’d been dating my now-husband for only about a month when a bark box delivery started showing up at my house for my dog. He was just so thoughtful and generous.”
Around Others
“If they’re good with kids, funny, kind-hearted, good communication skills.”
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