Imagine scrolling through your social media feed and you see the post that has everyone’s eyebrows raised and curiosity piqued. With a sparkle in your eye, you realize it’s time to examine the wild and wacky world of strange bragging rights. The question that has intrigued the masses? “What weird flex are you proud of?” As we delve into this treasure trove of weird satisfaction, prepare to be amused, confused, and maybe even encouraged by the internet’s best collection of offbeat achievements.
Mystery Man
“In the 1980s, there used to be a small weekly ad in the back pages of the UK actors’ magazine The Stage for a guy called David Berglas. It was just his silhouette, name, agent’s phone number, and the caption: International Man of Mystery. The simple genius of it was so giddying that I felt compelled to steal it when I wrote the program notes for one of the performers in a student comedy show I directed. Another performer in that show was a guy called Neil Mullarkey, who went on to form a double act with a young Canadian comedian called Mike Myers. He and Mike loved that phrase, but neither knew where I’d got it from, so Mike just stole it again. Decades later, I contacted David Berglas (then aged 90) via his son and apologized for nicking it. He returned to say he was delighted to discover how Mike Myers had come by that phrase and told me I’m forgiven. He’s still alive today and nearly a hundred years old. Berglas was a truly great magician, a huge star of British TV in the 50s and 60s, and deserves acknowledgment for that brilliant strapline. I’m also sheepishly proud of my part in the chain of theft that led to Austin Powers.”
Good Patient
“I got my braces off seven years ago, and I’ve worn my retainer every night since.”
“Can’t say I blame you. I’m 36 and got mine off a couple of years ago. Yes, adult braces; fun. I wear mine every night too. I refuse to lose what I suffered through and paid for.”
Animal Encounter
“I have hugged a penguin.”
“I got spit on by a walrus once.”
“Another weird flex: I got spit on by a bear.”
Amazingly Ambidextrous
“I can write with either hand. Not such an impressive skill, but when my colleague remarked that my handwriting is beautiful despite using my dominant (right) hand also to type simultaneously, it made me blush. It was indeed very beautiful and calligraphic handwriting.”
Good Visit
“Went to the dentist for the first time in 5 years last week for a cleaning/check-up. No cavities.”
“Started going again about three years ago after not going for 15-20 years (turning 40 next month). I’ve never had a cavity!”
Proving Them Wrong
“When I was a little kid, multiple doctors said I would never be able to speak and that I would need assisted living for the rest of my life. Now I’m 16 and capable of taking care of myself, and I can speak perfectly fine other than a slight stutter when I get really anxious.”
“That’s not a weird flex; it’s an awesome accomplishment!”
Tree Planter
“I’ve planted over 2 million trees.”
“This has to be part of your job, right? That’s ~180 trees per day for three decades.”
“It is a job. More like 2000 to 5000 trees a day while working from May to August. Mostly reforestation, some remediation work after fires.”
First Edition
“I bought the two first books of A Song of Ice and Fire from a dude in 1999 I met on Usenet. Couldn’t find them in a bookstore. He said he had cases of them in his basement. And if I wanted them autographed? It was GRRM himself and way before they got popular. Ever so seldom, cute things really happen.”
Hidden Room
“I built and installed a bookshelf doorway with a hidden door handle myself. It leads into a room dedicated only to dungeons and dragons. Childhood dream achieved.”
“I still dream of having a secret room… one day.”
Feeling Sorry
“I got a pity pat from Obama. This was ages ago when he was still just a senator from Illinois. I got a job at a local radio station as a reporter for news in the area. Obama was speaking at a community college in our area, and I was told to listen to his address and ask relevant questions afterward. I had never done that before (or since), and I barely listened, and at the end, he met with the press, which was me and a local newspaper guy. After he finished with the other guy, he looked at me and says, “What can I do for you?” My mind went blank, and I just stood staring at him. This went on for a little too long, and eventually, he reached out a hand, patted me gently on the shoulder, and goes, “…it’s ok.” And then walked off. Lol”
Life Saver
“I’m a psychiatric nurse, and I saved a man’s life when he collapsed outside my apartment. It was during the height of covid. I could hear people shouting, and I looked out the window to the scene of a man face down on the road and people standing around him in a panic. I shoved my PPE equipment on (I keep some at home for cleaning) and ran downstairs in my pajamas, with no socks or shoes on. He wasn’t breathing and had a massive cut on his head so deep you could see his skull. Nobody knew how long he was in cardiac arrest. I managed to get his heart going again by myself. I had so much adrenaline going, and when the paramedics came, I gave them the full handover as they took him away. The paramedics took my details in case the hospital wanted to contact me. A week later, I got a phone call from the man and his wife to thank him for saving his life, and if I ever needed anything, they would help me. After he went away in the ambulance and the adrenaline wore off, I cried my eyes out, praying he would be okay. I still think about him regularly and feel very proud of myself.”
Hard Finish
“I have finished 3 full tubes of chapstick in my life. Not lost or missing. Finished to the end.”
Good Memory
“I have an uncanny knack for remembering people, even people that I see very briefly. For example, I once saw a guy on the escalator in Toronto, and I said, ‘Hey, when did you move here from Vienna,’ he was flabbergasted. I had walked past him on the street once while visiting there, and 5 years later, I recognized him.”
Meme Maker
“I made a meme on a small online forum, and a couple of hours later, my buddy sent me my own meme, not knowing I made it.”
Deep Swimming
“I went swimming over the Mariana Trench (36,000 ft of seawater), was only scared a little bit.”
“Totally makes it worse when you swim down a little bit and immediately feel the temp difference.”
Scary Trail
“I hiked the entire Appalachian trail.”
“Went smoothly? Any creepy stories?”
“I was 21, bored with college, and needing an adventure.”
Record Holder
“Right now, I hold the record at my local arcade for Street Fighter 2. 1,010,000. I also get free beer because of it. It all happened because I was going back and forth with this guy that I hadn’t met yet on who could get the high score on their board. He held the record at 762,000 and then I beat it with 788,000. He’s been trying to beat it ever since I posted that score, and the closest he got was 770,000. When I saw that score posted on the game itself, I had about six beers in me and I walked over there and dropped the million by getting perfect on most of the bosses and a handful of perfects on the regular players. He’s never going to touch that stuff now.”
Campaign Competitor
“My Dungeons and Dragons campaign was recently voted as the campaign of the month on a website that lets you build wikis for your campaign lore and adventure recaps. All that’s left is to win campaign of the year and I’ll put it on my LinkedIn.”
Good Garbage
“Homeowner for 17 years never missed a garbage day (unless the entire family was away). A couple of times got out of bed at 6 am hearing the truck coming and had to run out with the cans in my skivvies.”
“You had me at homeowner!”
No Gossip
“Gossip in the office that comes to me never goes further.”
“Do you kill everyone that knows it or?”
Getting Jobs
“2 positions were coming up for a promotion at my work, and 3 of us applied. My two colleagues got hired, which left me as the losing candidate. So I used this as a fire under myself and applied for another job. The only issue is that the job had a brutal test interview, four hours of memory recall (alphanumeric), and another test, including math by hand. It was on a Saturday at noon. But I worked until 8:30 AM on Saturday (a night shift, punched at 11:45 PM the night before). So I worked my night shift, went home, slept for 45 minutes, showered, shaved, put on a suit, down a triple espresso from Starbucks, and went to the interview sleep deprived, but I wanted out of my old job so bad I decided failure wasn’t an option. I tested 79 WPM typing speed (I can do better, but I was up all night) and 100% memory recall. I got the job and gave my notice at my old job soon thereafter.”
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