OP, a 30-year-old man, and his girlfriend, Laura, who is a 39-year-old senior doctor, went to his parent’s house for a family gathering. OP’s parents believe that women should focus on becoming “a good wife” and mother, dress modestly, and attract a “respectable man.”
However, Laura’s lifestyle is quite different from their beliefs. She is pregnant and plans to return to work after having the baby, which is against OP’s parents’ views. Additionally, she refuses to participate in traditional gender roles at family gatherings.
Being Scrutinized
OP warned Laura that there would be more focus on them now that the pregnancy had been announced and that someone would inevitably mention that they were not married. To avoid causing a scene, OP asked Laura to participate in the traditional kitchen routine, where the women prepare the food and clean up after the meal while the men socialize in the front room.
Although Laura reluctantly agreed to play along, she was enraged afterward and said she wasn’t “a waitress” and that OP had another thing coming if he expected her to participate in such activities in the future. OP didn’t know what to say, as he wasn’t enjoying seeing Laura participate in his family’s traditions. He only wanted to protect her from their criticism and questions about her lifestyle choices during her pregnancy.
OP and Laura have conflicting views about their parents’ traditional values. OP tries to protect Laura from their criticism by asking her to participate in traditional gender roles at family gatherings. However, Laura feels angry and frustrated about it, and they both seem to be struggling with how to navigate these differences.
Why Are You Allowing This
Many were quick to criticize OP in the thread:
“Why are you even tolerating this? Why aren’t you standing up for the mother of your child?
You don’t want to rock the boat with your family? If that’s the case, why bother with Laura and not stick to what your family expects? Why put her through that?
If you have a daughter, will you expect her to conform to these idiotic, patriarchal, and antiquated “roles” in front of her grandparents so they don’t get upset?
Grow up and get a backbone. If you want Laura, stand up for her; if your family doesn’t like it, it’s their problem.”
This scathing review from one commenter makes a lot of serious points about OP’s behavior. They highlight that OP appears not to be as traditional as his family, but he still expects Laura to perform the traditional rules of their family household. This is opposed to his attitude and suggests that OP might, in fact, prefer this style of living.
Moreover, they are angry that given this situation, OP will likely do the same for his other female relatives or children. He is succumbing to his parent’s traditional routines and exposing his partner to something that they both apparently disagree with. This again contradicts OP’s attempt at explaining that he is better than them. It is time that he sticks up for his partner over his old-fashioned family.
It Was For Him, Not Her
“He wasn’t protecting her from OP’s parents; it was protecting OP from having to stand up to his parents about how they treated her.”
OP’s post attempted to make it seem like he was more progressive than his family. His argument for his girlfriend to perform the duties was to ensure his parents did not get annoyed at her.
However, this commenter notes that this is actually to protect OP from having to confront his parents about their strange demands. By making his partner do as the women do, he could avoid any confrontation and enjoy his time at the expense of his pregnant partner.
Source: Reddit