A woman wonders if she was wrong for declining to take out a loan on behalf of her brother and sister-in-law, who are seeking IVF treatment.
They Want Children But Are Unable To Conceive Naturally
The woman’s brother, Reid, and his partner, Nora, have suffered infertility problems.
“Nora had multiple ovarian cysts and eventually needed to have both her ovaries removed as a teenager. Reid and Nora are in their early thirties and are very urgent about needing to try sooner than never because they say they are approaching an age where IVF success rates start to decline.”
An Enormous Cost
They’ve been quoted a huge fee for the treatment.
“Because of Nora’s past medical issues, I am told that she will need extra care, and her round of treatments will be especially expensive; a little over $27,000.”
Family Members Have Helped, But It’s Not Enough
She explains that everyone has chipped in what they can.
“Reid and Nora already have $9,000 set aside in savings for IVF treatments. They’ve raised $1,000 from friends. The rest of the family is pitching in smaller amounts as well. My mother is giving $2,000, Nora’s sister Lauren is giving $1,000, and her parents are giving $4,000. Which leaves about $10,000 left.”
Their Insurance Won’t Cover It
IVF is not considered a medically necessary procedure.
“Reid and Nora have also had difficulty qualifying for an IVF loan as they have poor credit. They are asking me to help because, according to the loan advisor, I am allowed to take out the loan on Reid and Nora’s behalf.”
A Huge Ask
However, the woman is reluctant to borrow that much money.
“$10,000 is a huge ask for me. And the fact that Reid and Nora have poor credit shows they already don’t have a good track record of paying back loans.”
She Wanted To Know Why They Hadn’t Approached Anyone Else
And why they had specifically targeted her. “When I questioned why they didn’t ask Lauren, they claimed they couldn’t because she isn’t single and childless like I am. (They see it as me not having any dependents.) My mother and parents-in-law don’t have a lot of savings, and their earlier mentioned donations were already a huge gift for them.”
Too Risky
The woman thinks it’s too much of a gamble.
“It takes a long time to correct a bad credit score and it makes things much more difficult. And, harsh as it is to say, I don’t want to take out thousands of dollars in a loan for a procedure that has a good chance of not even working.”
She Told Them No
And that their future children are not her responsibility.
“I also wanted to put my foot down now. Because next it’s gonna be private school tuition or a college fund, and that shouldn’t be my responsibility just because I am currently single and childless.”
Her Family Thinks She Is Being Selfish
Her brother, in particular, is very upset.
“Reid was angry, he told me that he would remember this for when I am ever in a time of need so that I will know how it feels to have family turn their back on me. The rest of the family members have essentially told me, ‘We’re not mad at you, just disappointed.’”
She Is Being Guilt-tripped
Her family is giving her a hard time.
“Because Nora worried for years that she would never be able to have children or be a mother. They say Reid and Nora would be wonderful parents, and isn’t right that they can’t conceive naturally (which I do agree with.)”
Standing Her Ground
Despite the mounting family pressure, the woman is sticking to her guns: “However, I still stand by Nora and Reid’s future children not being my responsibility. I don’t think it’s fair that I should delay or give up the possibility of starting my own family in order to finance Reid and Nora’s.”
They Had Much To Say
Online community members voiced their opinions on the situation. One user said this:
“Not the jerk. And as a mom, I wonder if they can afford to have a child if they can’t even take a $10k loan.”
They Can’t Afford The Kid
Users agree that the time isn’t right for the couple to embark on a parental journey:
“If they don’t have $10k for the procedure, AND their credit is too poor to qualify for the loan, they can’t afford the child.”
Misplaced Priorities
One user had this to say, “Truth be told, they should be focusing on fixing their financial problems first… at the very least, enough so they’ll qualify for such a small loan. $10,000 is pennies in banking terms and they couldn’t qualify. You’re not the jerk! AND ignore brother, he’s just lashing out from disappointment and said something horrible that I hope he eventually realizes was so out of line. Let his wife deal with him.”
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