She had no problem taking charge of her BF’s forgetfulness with important documents until he blamed her for it. When Paul forgets his passport before a trip, Rachel proceeds without him, facing accusations of revenge. She takes to an online forum to share her story. We’ll call her Rachel.
A Forgetful Boyfriend and Burdened Responsibility
Rachel and her boyfriend, Paul, have been in a relationship for three years, and recently they started living together. However, one recurring issue strains their dynamic: Paul’s chronic forgetfulness regarding important documents.
Taking Charge
After numerous incidents, Rachel took on the role of safeguarding their documents, although not all can be stored digitally. Despite her efforts, Paul remained stubbornly convinced that digital copies were sufficient for all occasions.
Shifting Responsibility
Once, Paul urgently needed his physical identity card for a specific matter, only to find Rachel had it with her at work. Annoyed by this inconvenience, he scolded her, blaming her for keeping his documents and insisting they should be safely stored at home. Fed up with the responsibility and unappreciated, Rachel returned the documents to him, refusing to be accountable any longer.
The Passport Predicament
Fast forward to their planned New Year’s trip to a foreign country with friends. Passport in hand, Rahel checked her documents, calmly assuring Paul that he had his. Panic swept over him as he realized he had left his passport at home. Paul rushed back to retrieve it, urging Rechael to accompany him, but she chose to stay, not wanting to endure the four-hour car ride. Paul embarked on his frantic mission with a while Rachel continued to the airport with their friends.
Going Without Him
Determined not to let Paul’s tardiness ruin her trip, Rachel switched off her phone and boarded the flight, ready for a 12-hour adventure. Upon arrival at their destination, she was greeted by a barrage of messages from Paul, accusing her of deliberately leaving him behind out of revenge for his previous scolding. He lamented that flights were fully booked or exorbitantly priced, making it unlikely for him to join them.
Her Doubts
Despite her friends’ support, doubts crept into Rachel’s mind, questioning her decision and its perceived intentions. As the conflicting emotions swirl within her, Rachel finds herself at a crossroads, wondering if she acted out of revenge or if she simply chose to proceed with her plans after reaching her limit. The accusations from Paul continue to linger, casting a shadow of uncertainty over their relationship and leaving Rachel grappling with her doubts. People in the forum have the following to say.
A Tiresome One
“He sounds really tiresome,” someone volunteers, and advises that Rechel enjoys her time away because if he joined her, he’d be giving her a hard time while on vacation. Another commenter suggests that Rachel reconsider dating males skilled at reprimanding their girlfriends for doing the right thing while expecting them to be mommies.
He Needs Help
Even if her BF is incapable of doing it himself, he is still wrong. One poster speculates that Rachel’s boyfriend may have ADHD. While they do not use the mental illness card to justify bad behavior, they do accept that persons with ADHD struggle with remaining organized. “It’s not anything we do on purpose or just don’t care about enough. It just happens,” they say from experience. We all forget crucial things from time to time, no matter how hard we try.”
Typical Man’s Behavior
In response to the above, another individual notes that while ADHD difficulties are valid, people should stop stating that all men who refuse to undertake mental labor in a relationship have ADHD. Rachel’s experience exemplifies something all too typical in guys. When they find a mate, that part of their brain relaxes since they have someone else to perform their work for them.
ADHD is Not an Excuse
Seeing the BF’s inadequacy, a second person argues that if they had someone ready to assist them in keeping track of the crucial things that they are unable to keep track of, they would appreciate them rather than be angry and demand their belongings back. Struggling with ADHD themself, they have developed systems for preventing emergencies. Realizing that part of surviving and thriving with a disability is making workable accommodations and not being nasty to people who assist you.
BF’s Double Issues
Everyone involved in the discussion concluded that the BF’s lack of ownership of the situation and how he handles stress and frustration are areas he needs to improve. He obviously has a lot of maturing to do and needs to learn to build a relationship with himself.
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