A woman recently went online to an online community to ask for advice from its members regarding an upcoming family get-together where her sister and her boyfriend were going to announce their pregnancy.
It Also Happens To Be the Poster’s Birthday
“My sister and her boyfriend have been planning on announcing my sister’s pregnancy at the family gathering that we annually do to celebrate my mom’s and my birthday (we’re one day apart).”
The Announcement Was for Her Grandparents
“Most of us know already; it’s just my grandma and grandpa who don’t, so it’s really only for them.”
The parents-to-be were waiting for the end of the first trimester to make it official, and the timing aligned with the birthday party.
She Told Her Friends About the Party Plan
“At first, I was all happy and excited. However, last night I told my friends about my future niece/nephew and the plan for our birthday celebration & they all looked weird and asked if I was ok that she’d make such an announcement on my (and my mom’s) birthday.”
She hadn’t thought of it until then. Still, when she imagined herself, she definitely wouldn’t announce her pregnancy at someone else’s birthday celebration, especially not her sister’s birthday, because she has such respect for her.
She Got Her Mother in on the Day Switch
“So I texted into our (mom, sis, and my) convo that I find it kinda inappropriate, that I wouldn’t go to her birthday party to announce my pregnancy or anything similarly important, so if they can tell our grandparents some other day maybe.”
Her Mother and Sister Disagreed
“My mom replied that she was looking forward to it and found it a perfect occasion. My sister texted back that she thought we’d all be happy to see their reaction and added a little passive-aggressive, ‘I hope my boyfriend’s grandma won’t be upset when we tell her at her birthday party tomorrow’ as they’re currently visiting his side of the family that lives 4 hours away.”
She Gets Their Opinion but Still Disagrees
“I get it that:
- The family won’t get together for some time after that because we all live in different places.
- It’s also my mom’s birthday, hosted at her home.
- I’m all up for sharing this moment, but why does it have to be this day when there are other opportunities or ways to tell them?”
Childhood Trauma May Play a Part
Maybe it’s her childhood trauma of feeling slightly overshadowed by my sister, and she’s overreacting? “They didn’t even ask beforehand if my mom and I were ok with this.”
She Even Talked To Her Therapist About the Situation
“I talked about this with my therapist because I shocked myself with my reaction. I’m not used to asking for things like this; I don’t seek conflicts and never want to bother anyone, especially in my family.”
Two Years of Recovery Therapy Before This
“I’ve been in therapy for two years for ED recovery, trying to find my self-worth and confidence. It seems like my parents prefer my sister over me & me being the one to always make compromises for her is a part of the puzzle here.”
The Poster Gave Two Reasons Why She Thinks She’s in the Wrong
“I asked my sister if she could not announce her pregnancy on my birthday because I wouldn’t do it to her if it were me. I might seem like a selfish little princess who wants attention and is not happy for her. “
Readers Weighed In and Overwhelmingly Determined She ITA
“Your sister and boyfriend aren’t announcing this at your wedding or any such thing but at a family gathering, which is when such things are often announced.
‘Maybe… I’m overreacting.’
Yes.”
Because You’re an Adult
“YTA. I’m assuming you’re an adult, and having to have your birthday all about you seems like a kid thing to me. In my family, adult birthdays are an excuse to get together now and then. It sounds like the announcement will be fine since you said most people already know. I would just let it go.”
Her Friends’ Advice Made Her Change Her Mind
“YTA. You had no problem with the announcement until your friends told you you should have a problem with it.”
Start Your Solo Birthday Celebration Instead
”Well, to prove a point, you could text them all declining your attendance and make your birthday tradition. It sends a clear message, alright. Plus, they didn’t even ask beforehand if it was ok. It sounds like it’s more for your mom’s birthday and your grandparents, so do your own thing and don’t feel bad about it.”
Deep Feelings Mean a Solo Birthday Party
“Seems to me that, deep down, you probably want to have a day where your birthday is about you, which is fine. Your friends pointed it out, and you had a good think on it. Despite what some people here say, sometimes it’s good to realize certain things after friends (people not in the family dynamic) point them out.”
A Soft YTA
“We’re all adults here, right? Birthdays are no longer glitter-covered magical unicorns that we wait all year for, but instead (in this OP’s account) a mini family reunion over a shared meal, where (elderly!) people appear to travel four hours to visit. Also, this baby will be a family member in the future, and your mother is on board with this idea.”
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