Food allergies are serious issues and nothing to be taken lightly. Add in family dynamics, and things can go from bad to worse. This is one such story.
Cooking Classes
A woman we’ll call “Cindy” isn’t a professional chef, but she enjoys taking cooking classes. She then takes what she learns and creates elaborate, delightful meals for her husband, their friends, and their extended family.
Allergies
Cindy’s brother Greg married Cheryl and added Cheryl’s daughter Becca to their family as well. Becca suffers from celiac disease and a severe dairy allergy, requiring her to carry an Epi-pen. Her allergies are such that Cindy does not trust her skills enough to make Becca’s food. And while she’s made specialty meals in the past for other common diets, Cindy also suffers from ADHD, was scared that she’d get distracted, and was terrified of risking Becca’s health.
Good Food
Cindy says that to celebrate her parent’s wedding anniversary, she invited her parents, four of her family’s friends, Greg, Becca, and Cheryl, her sister and brother-in-law, and their twins. Before the meal was ready, Cindy had contacted a restaurant that specialized in gluten and dairy-free cuisine as well as other allergy-free food. She ordered a full meal for Becca and picked it up so she could eat with everyone else.
Dinner Goes Sideways
Cindy says that when they started eating, she could see that Cheryl wasn’t pleased, eyeing Becca’s plate with a “stony face.” Cheryl leaned over and whispered something to Greg, and he asked Cindy if he could talk to her in the kitchen. Once they were away from the family, Gred told Cindy it was “unbelievable” that she couldn’t be bothered to make Becca part of the meal by cooking for her as well. He said he knew she’d made other complicated menus before, and it was obvious she didn’t plan to make Becca feel like part of the family. He then took Cheryl and Becca and left.
Done More
Cindy says that at the time, she felt she’d done well to help include Becca, but now feels as if she should have done more, especially considering Becca’s a relatively new addition to the family. When she posted her story online, the comments flooded in; here are some of the best ones.
Appreciate the Effort
One user thinks Cheryl and Greg should have shown some gratitude. “If someone had gone to the trouble of making sure my child didn’t have a reaction to dinner, I would have been grateful, not upset. I don’t have ADHD, but if I didn’t cook for someone with allergies on a regular basis, I definitely would forget something! It’s sad they couldn’t appreciate your effort.”
Child’s Perspective
Someone added a great point about a child’s point of view. “I mean, as an ex-kid, getting takeout was always the more fun option until I had to pay for it myself. As a person with allergies, I would prefer a completely safe option always over the novelty of food I don’t know because itching and wheezing don’t make a meal more enjoyable.”
Free Meal
A forum reader mentioned complaining about a free meal. “Can you imagine complaining about a free meal that is certain not to give your child an allergic reaction? Ridiculous.”
Effort, Time, and Energy
Someone else understood the lengths Cindy went to for Becca and the whole family. “The meal, in general, should be made with her in mind, and it was. Cindy tried very hard to make an overly nice meal for everyone, and guests still found a way to complain. They obviously don’t know the lengths of effort, time, and energy it takes to cook at this level. I wish I could try what you made.”
Manners
One interested party thinks Cindy should only invite Becca to dinner next time. “The family is so out of line; who cares that you talked up Cindy’s cooking— maybe you should have been talking up how caring and careful Cindy was! Honestly, I would only be inviting the kid back in the future cuz it seems like the kid is the only one that has manners.”
Feel Bad
Another individual knows Cindy shouldn’t feel bad. “I think you did your best to be kind and safe. I would be terrified that an ingredient I used could trigger something or that I would accidentally cross-contaminate. You shouldn’t feel at all bad about this.”
More Confused
One forum respondent was confused by Cheryl and Greg’s reaction. “I’m actually more confused that the parents weren’t happy about this instead of upset. If my kid were that deathly allergic to things, I’d be very nervous about taking her to a homecooked meal like this in general and happy that the host thought to make it feel safer.”
Amazing
One poster on the forum wants Cindy to know she’s amazing. “This was so sweet and considerate of you to not only know your own limitations but to have her health at the forefront of your mind at all times. Please do not let them guilt you into second-guessing yourself because you absolutely did the right thing! Not only did you have her best interests at heart, but you also went out of your way to spend your own money on a meal specifically for her. You are amazing!”
Joy Sponges
Another observant responder thinks Cindy should keep her amazing heart. “My heart broke. You didn’t do a single thing wrong. You went above and beyond to make sure she was safe. You have a wonderful heart. Don’t lose that just because some people are joy sponges.”
Histrionic
Several users think Cheryl is used to getting attention because of Becca’s allergies and likes to create drama. “Mom just wanted to stir up drama. If the kiddo isn’t upset, there is no problem. Mom is mad that Cindy handled it – gracefully and properly, by the way – without breaking a sweat, so to speak. How dare OP be classy and smart and thoughtful! This was all about Mom, and histrionic is the perfect word for her behavior.”
Lay Off
Another person wishes someone had spoken up on Cindy’s behalf. “It’s stories like Cindy’s where I really wish another person would have felt something was off, popped in, heard what these people were saying, and told them to go lay off.”
Wonderful
When asked if Greg had discussed the menu with Cindy beforehand, she replied that she had to make the entire meal because he had a business trip before the party. A commenter wants Cindy to know she was absolutely in the right for showing great concern for her new niece. “So, you showed more concern that his stepdaughter had good food without risk to her medical condition than he did. You’re incredible and sadly, they can’t see just how wonderful you are.”
Mole Hills into Mountains
Personally, it seems as if Cheryl had a chip on her shoulder from the start, just waiting for someone to treat her daughter in a way she disapproved of. It’s a shame they couldn’t see how hard Cindy had worked to include Becca and make sure she was able to eat an enjoyable meal that was safe for her to consume. Can you imagine what would have happened if Becca had ingested something by accident that she was allergic to? Would they then accuse Cindy of trying to harm their daughter? This situation stinks all the way around because Cindy was doomed before they even sat down at the table.
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