Too often, something that starts as a gift can quickly become something other than a nice present. A recent forum discussed one young woman’s experience with such a situation.
Third Choice
“Carrie” is in college and was invited by her former roommate “Meg” to attend a family vacation Meg’s family was planning. Carrie says she was Meg’s third choice as her parents wouldn’t allow her to bring a boy or her other female friend.
Carrie was more than happy to accept and says she “saved up a lot of money so she could pay for her food, any recreational activities, and a dinner for Meg’s family to say ‘thank you’ for the plane ticket and hotel stay.”
Things Slide Sideways
Carrie says that from the beginning, things were bad. Nine people attended this family vacation, and everyone sat in first class except Carrie, who had an economy seat. She said she didn’t complain because the ticket had been free, and she was grateful for it and the resort stay.
When they arrived at their destination, Meg’s family went grocery shopping, preferring to cook their meals in the resort kitchen. Carrie says she didn’t know beforehand; Meg’s family is very traditional and sees cooking as a ‘woman’s job.’
Different Outlooks
This traditional outlook meant that Carrie and Meg had to cook dinner for the entire group, as Meg’s mother had just had hand surgery. Carrie admits she’s not a great cook and messed up the meal by overcooking the chicken and undercooking the steak.
Meg’s father got angry, and Carrie says she got short with him. She told him, “If he knew how to do it better, he could pitch in instead of standing around criticizing.”
Speaking Your Mind
When Meg’s father said he was on vacation, she said she was also trying to have a vacation. Then she asked if they intended to bring her along as an unpaid domestic servant.
Meg’s parents and her father’s friends got mad that she mouthed off and started yelling at her. After an argument ensued, Carrie called herself “the help,” which caused them to kick her out of their suite and tell her to go home.
Vacation Anyway
After Carrie left her friend’s family dinner, she called the airline and asked if there was any way to prevent someone from modifying or canceling her ticket. When they allowed her to put a passcode on her information, and no one would be able to change her flight information, Carrie went to the front desk at the resort and asked about available rooms.
Thankfully the resort had some extra rooms, and she could pay for the rest of her stay and still have money left to do some “touristy stuff.” Carrie enjoyed sightseeing and relaxing on the beach for three days. That’s when Meg’s parents came across her enjoying the beach.
Accusations
They said they thought she had gone home, and she said she decided to stay. They got angry at Carrie for ‘using them for a flight home’ when she could have afforded to purchase her tickets.
Now Carrie’s wondering if she was wrong to stay for the rest of the vacation and use the return ticket instead of just going home. The internet has opinions.
Treated Like Dirt
Our first commentator ultimately agreed with Carrie on how she handled the situation. “You’re right. Meg wasn’t honest with you that you were expected to work for free – it wasn’t a holiday. They were flying out free staff.
“You did great, protecting your ticket and organizing rooms.
Also – what was with their comment? They thought you were poor?! That meant they felt they could treat you like dirt?”
Eggs, Peanut Butter, Cheese
Our couple commenters quickly said that every meal they had to cook for nine people would be of a singular notion. “Eggs, every meal would be eggs.”
“No.. peanut butter sandwiches or cheese sandwiches (not Grilled)!”
Code for Misogyny
One person relayed a story from their childhood and gave a hard slap to misogyny. “It’s funny because my dad was born in the 1920s and was as traditional as they come. But when we were on vacation, he always cooked and highlighted how it was my mom’s vacation from being a homemaker. The meals were simple and very much in the style that he learned as a kid as a sheep rancher before he went to college; lots of grilling for dinner and griddle cakes for breakfast.
Traditional doesn’t have to mean self-centered and misogynistic. But with certain types, it definitely becomes code for misogyny.”
Stranded and Abandoned
One forum user wasn’t taking any excuse Meg’s family could have had. “SERIOUSLY
They thought she was “poor,” – so what was their game plan?? Stranding her in an unfamiliar place (is this out of the country??) without money to do what? Try to get someone back home to front her the money she doesn’t have for a flight home. Hitchhike? Be lost? Homeless? There is NO good outcome. They didn’t care what happened to you, Carrie, AND YOUR FRIEND JUST LET THEM ABANDON YOU WITHOUT EVEN REACHING OUT TO YOU OVER THE LAST THREE DAYS!”
Joke’s On You
Another individual pointed out how spot on Carrie’s joke was about being “the help.”
“Can’t help but notice that only the daughter invited a friend, not any of her brothers, and she couldn’t bring a guy. Mom was injured, so they knew they would need more help. Her joke about the help was dead on.”
Human Trafficking
One contributor thought Carrie had been trafficked. “Carrie – I don’t want to freak you out, but this is trafficking. Not all people who are trafficked work as adult entertainers. You can be trafficked for labor as well. And seeing as they were not paying you for this labor and had no contract in place, and threatening you if you refused to obey, you’ve got a perfect scenario of a trafficking situation. I’m glad they didn’t confiscate your belongings. Maybe their next victim won’t be so lucky.
I understand if you don’t want to report this to the police. After all, your friend may be charged as well.”
Control Disguised as Kindness
If the only option is bad, it’s usually about control, as one observant forum poster pointed out. “Yelling at Carrie because, “we thought you were poor and couldn’t afford this” is very specifically saying, “We thought you were so poor you would have no alternative so would be trapped doing what we want.”
And “you were just using us” is another attempt to control OP using guilt when money failed. And some projection to boot.”
Class
It doesn’t take a genius to see that Meg’s family lacks respect for women. One participant in the forum quickly mentioned another item Meg’s family is sorely lacking. “Too bad Meg didn’t leave with you and let Pops and bros do the cooking. Poor Meg’s family may have money, but they have no class.”
Red Flags
One individual thought Meg was a victim of her family and a pretty crappy friend. “The first red flag for Meg was that she didn’t switch her ticket to economy to sit with her friend but was OK with her guest being stuck in the back while they were all in first class. She does seem to be a victim of her family, but she’s also a pretty crappy friend.”
Haha
Our last comment comes from someone who thought Carrie responded perfectly to Meg’s parents by enjoying her vacation despite the terrible start. “So they want to control your every action on the trip, fail, kick you out of the trip, stranding you….. And THEN, think they can dictate your actions outside of the trip? Hahahahahahaha! Enjoy your vacation. You earned it!”
Take Care
Whether or not this incident could be the ‘legal’ definition of trafficking remains to be seen. Irrespective of that point, however, is a young woman invited on a family trip under false pretenses and then abandoned by that family to fend for herself. Simply because she looked out for her enjoyment, safety, and travel arrangements wasn’t a reason for this family to try and guilt Carrie into feeling responsible for their terrible behavior.
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