A woman recently went to a popular online community to gain insight and advice from its members regarding her mother getting the boot from the delivery room when it was time to have her baby.
She’s Only Six Weeks Pregnant
“I (F20) am only six weeks pregnant with my first child. I’m still planning and figuring out everything that goes along with pregnancy and preparing for a baby.”
The Labor and Delivery Plan Didn’t Involve Mom
“Recently, I started planning my delivery (I know it’s still really early, but I’m just an overly excited first-time mom), and I knew that my labor/delivery plan did not involve having my mom in the room.”
She’s a Private Person
“I’ve always been very private about my body and never even liked seeing my mom naked. My mom, however, is very open about stuff like that.”
But Her Older Sister Didn’t Mind for Her Younger Kids
“To make things worse, my older sister (30) had my mom in the room when giving birth to her second and third children. When having her first child, my sister told my mom to wait in the waiting room while she pushed, but she left because she felt disrespected.”
She’s Easing the Boundaries but Still Not Caving
“Today, I told my mother (F51) that she’s welcome to wait in the waiting room, but I don’t want her in the room while I push. She said she just wouldn’t be there then.”
Like Mother, Like Daughter
“When I prompted her on WHY she wanted to be in the room, she simply said because her mom was in the room with her. I told her that’s not a good reason and that she’s not entitled to be in the room while I give birth just because she’s MY mom.”
If Mom Can’t Be, Then BFF Shouldn’t Be, Either
“She said that if she couldn’t be in the room, my best friend shouldn’t be in the room either and that it’s only fair that way. But my best friend (20F) and I have been friends for ten years.”
The Poster Understands, but Shouldn’t She Get To Choose
“I can understand how my mom might be upset about it, but isn’t it up to me who gets to be in the room for this life-altering moment in MY LIFE?”
The Silent Treatment While Living at Home
“Now she’s giving me the silent treatment, which sucks because I’m staying at her house for a few weeks. Now I’m not even comfortable where I’m staying.”
The Readers Weighed In – NTA
“Childbirth is NOT a spectator experience. The only people that need to be in the delivery room are the people you are comfortable with being in the room.”
Her Delivery, Her Choice
“Your delivery, your choice of who gets to support you. Let your mother be spiteful and stay home. It will affect no one but herself and her ability to meet her grandchild as soon as you would be ready for outside visitors.”
Would Her Mother Want Her in the Same Room for Surgical Procedures
“It all sounds extraordinary and entitled on her behalf. Why does she automatically think she has the right to see you in that vulnerable state? Because you put her in that exact vulnerable state when she had you? Should you invite yourself to her next Pap smear, colonoscopy, or other intimate procedure? “
It’s About Control, Not Love
“She doesn’t care about when she meets her grandchild because this isn’t about care, love, or affection for you or your baby. Her response is all about control. Your mother thinks she needs to be present to supervise the delivery and ensure everything is done how she expects it to be done.”
Ideas for Damage Control
“Damage control idea: (which you’re NOT obligated to do, but it might help). It might be helpful to tell your mother that it’s not because you don’t trust her and want her involved with the baby; you’re just self-conscious (or some other descriptor) and are trying to do what’ll be easiest and the least stressful.”
Stop the Discussion in Its Tracks Now
“NTA, and you’re right on all points, but stop discussing it with her. If she threatens you with not being there, say ok. Trying to understand the WHY of it will never work. She sounds super controlling when ultimately, it’s completely up to you. You don’t need to justify your decision!”
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