Imagine expecting your first baby. All the excitement and planning, all the doctor’s appointments and momentous updates, the baby shower, and preparation for D-day, only to be sorely disappointed in your spouse’s response. This is a similar story, and when it came across an online forum, there was no end to the comments.
No Need
A woman we’ll call “Kayla” and her husband, “Richard,” are expecting their first baby, and according to her, they’re “very excited.” However, one massive disappointment for Kayla in this process is Richard’s lack of interest in attending doctor’s appointments. His comment on the matter was, “I’m not the one carrying the baby; why do I have to go see the doctor with you?”
Invalid Excuses
Kayla says that Richard also brushes off her appointments for the most mundane reasons. Soccer, drinks, and even a board game with friends have all taken precedence over a doctor’s appointment to ensure both she and the baby are doing well.
Gender Reveal
The latest doctor’s appointment was to find out the gender of their baby, and Kayla was really excited. However, Richard decided not to come at the last minute because a friend offered him a fish-n-chips meal. Kayla was crushed but went ahead to the appointment anyway.
Rage Texting
During and after the appointment, Richard kept texting Kayla to find out the gender of their baby, and Kayla ignored him. She thinks if he couldn’t be bothered to attend the appointment, why should she be bothered to tell him anything? When he started calling, she kept hanging up on him, and when she got home, things got worse.
Hill to Die On
Kayla says that Richard was fuming when he came home, demanding she tell him their baby’s gender. She refused and reiterated that if he couldn’t place enough importance on the appointment to attend, then he wouldn’t know what their baby was until the baby was born, and she would die on that hill. Richard continued to fume, calling Kayla immature and dramatic. When he was done, she said he wouldn’t get any results, period.
Family Pressure
Kayla reveals that Richard’s been fuming ever since, and now she’s getting pressure from his family to “stop playing mind games with him.” She still refuses to disclose their baby’s gender. When she posted her story online, it definitely got people talking.
Dropped
One user was adamant that they’d be done if a friend prioritized food over their wife and baby. “I would drop a friend if I found out they prioritized fish-n-chips over their wife and baby’s doctor appointment.”
Not a Gender Scan
Another person let everyone know it’s much more than a gender reveal. “To be clear, this is NOT a gender reveal appointment – it is a full anatomical scan in which they check every organ and limb for potential issues, and as a side note, can also often tell you which genitals baby will have. So partner is not just skipping a ‘gender reveal’ but leaving their pregnant partner to attend a lengthy appointment on their own during which they could possibly receive concerning information about the development of their baby – if there are issues, it’s often during this scan that they are discovered. Richard is incredibly selfish and showing his true colors.”
Just Me
An interested party couldn’t imagine Kayla’s ordeal. “I cannot imagine having to drive myself in for an appointment that important and say ‘Um, it’s just me today,’ knowing the absolutely useless reason the father ‘couldn’t attend.'”
Can’t Get Lower
One individual was sure Richard couldn’t get lower than where he was at. “He is showing you who he is and what his priorities are. Do you really think anything is going to change long term? I mean, he prioritized fish-n-chips… you can’t get much lower than that.”
Sorry…Not Excited
Someone called Richard out for not truly being excited about being a father. “He’s ‘excited’ for the rights and privileges that, in his mind, come with being a father. Take the kids to the park, build a swingset when he has the time, help coach the soccer team, post lots of pictures of his kid on social media, and collect the social clout that comes with being a dad and a family man . . . and, possibly, having undisputed power over a small human at home. He has zero interest in the responsibilities of parenthood or being a partner to his wife.”
Bringing to the Table
Another respondent is concerned about what Richard actually brings to the table. “Honestly, not sure why y’all are together. If he doesn’t care about literally one of the most important things you’ll ever do together, I’m not entirely sure what he’s bringing to the table.”
Failed as a Husband
One participant wants Kayla to know, “He’s failed as a husband already. He’s basically saying, “I don’t see any point in supporting you when I could be eating fried fish with people I do enjoy.”
Babysit
One reader said this about Richard. “This is going to be the dad that complains he has to ‘babysit’ while his wife goes to the store to buy him food.”
Reconsider
One experienced woman implored Kayla to get out now. “You need to reconsider this relationship seriously. He’s showing you that he and his friends are more important than you and the baby. He sees going to appointments with you as punishment, not as a chance to make sure you and the baby are healthy.”
Grateful
An informed reader says Richard should be grateful. “Maybe instead of focusing on what the baby has between their legs, your partner should be grateful that he didn’t get a phone call from you sobbing in a waiting room saying, ‘There’s something terribly wrong.’ If he had, I doubt the fish and chips would have tasted quite so good afterward.”
Suddenly
A father on the forum said this about Richard. “‘I’m not the one carrying that baby; why should I be there?’ and then suddenly, ‘I’m the father; I have the right to know!’ Oh, NOW you want to be a daddy, huh? What a tool.”
Anatomy and Gender
Several commenters on this story made sure to point out that the 20-week ultrasound scan is so much more than just a gender check. It’s a complete anatomy scan. The ultrasound tech will look over all the systems of your baby’s body, all the bones, and the size and scope of the heart, head, and stomach. They check circulation through the body and do measurements to check on the baby’s growth. And then, if you’d like to know, they’ll tell you if your baby is a boy or a girl. If you only make one appointment during your spouse’s pregnancy, make sure it’s this one. Getting terrible news is something you should handle together, not something you should triage afterward.
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