It’s common for people to grow up with one parent absent. Many kids of all ages relish getting to know the absentee parent. A young college student, I’ll call Melissa, had the chance to meet a father she never knew existed. However, their burgeoning father-daughter relationship has run into an obstacle that threatens to ruin it.
A Happy Reunion
Melissa and her father just recently learned about each other. Her mother refused to tell Melissa about him as she was growing up. He’s married with three sons, and he was thrilled to discover her had a daughter, as he’s always wanted one. She frequently visits with her father and his family, and everyone gets along with each other.
An Odd Request
He asked Melissa if she would be okay with him calling her by his grandmother’s middle name instead of her given name. He explained that his grandmother raised him, and he always wanted to name his daughter after her. He insisted this was the perfect name for her.
A Gentle Refusal
Melissa responded to the bizarre request by letting her father know she wouldn’t be comfortable changing her name because it’s part of her identity. She felt bad for disappointing him but insisted on keeping her birth name.
Tensions Arise
Despite her insistence on being called by her birth name, Melissa’s father began calling her by his grandmother’s middle name. When she objected, he said she would get used to it, that he knew this was the perfect name for her, and that she should be grateful for him being so involved in her life.
A Compromise Offer
To meet her father halfway, Melissa offered to add his grandmother’s name as her middle name, but he refused her compromise. Melissa turned to the internet to see if she was being unreasonable, and people had much to say.
Red Flags Everywhere
Users see red flags everywhere in the father’s behavior, with several saying there was probably a good reason why her mother opted not to let him in her life and that Melissa is discovering why her mother didn’t have him around.
Concerning Behavior
The fact that her father is trying to change Melissa’s name against her will is worrying behavior for multiple participants in the discussion. They insist she stands her ground because he’s being highly manipulative.
His Previous History
“Why did your mother not want you to have contact with him? Does he have a history of stuff like this?” someone asks. “Your dad is majorly overstepping, and you’d be within your rights to cut back on or stop seeing him and his family if he refuses to respect you by calling you by your name,” they assert.
Guilt Tripping
Somebody in the discussion finds the father’s behavior weird, writing, “He’s hung up on the fact that you’re his only daughter, trying to rename you, telling you to get over your discomfort that he’s trying to rename you, and basically guilting you into just rolling with what he wants.” Heed their warning.
Disrespectful to Her Mother
An individual reiterates to Melissa that her name is her name. She’s had that name for her entire life. Why would her dad think she’d change it now? Changing her name would likely hurt her mother’s feelings considering she’s been the primary parent. It’s very disrespectful of Melissa’s dad to attempt this.
Suspicious Behavior
Her dad’s behavior is highly suspicious to many people online, with one offering, “If this were me, I would go to my mom and explain everything in great detail. I’m sure she would connect the dots and help me make a better decision based on her previous experience with him.”
Not a House Pet
One online commenter admonishes Melissa’s dad for being a virtual stranger attempting to rename her like a house pet. “She may be seeing why her mother did not want this man in her life. What he is doing is disrespectful, controlling, and objectifying.” You don’t decide to rename a human because their original name is inconvenient.
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