Birthdays are a special occasion for many individuals, marking another year of growth and memories. It’s a day dedicated to celebrating the person and showing them how much they are loved and appreciated.
However, unforeseen circumstances can sometimes disrupt even the most meticulously planned birthday celebrations. OP faces this dilemma as she grapples with whether or not her decision to prioritize something else over her boyfriend’s birthday makes her a terrible person.
It Was His 40th Birthday but She Didn’t Do Birthdays
OP and her boyfriend had been together for a year and a half, with his 40th birthday coming up. OP had never liked big parties or put much importance into birthdays, as her family put little effort into any birthday parties when she was younger.
They Were Going to Have a Weekend Getaway
Her boyfriend decided they would have a weekend getaway instead of a party. They made plans to go to Napa for the weekend and spend quality time together. While it wasn’t exactly what her boyfriend wanted, he was willing to settle for the Napa trip.
She Needed to Go to Her Goddaughter’s Baptism
OP’s best friend had moved across the country a few years ago, and she had just given birth to a daughter. OP was expected to be present for her baptism, as she was to be the godmother to the little girl. She booked a flight to attend the ceremony, excited to be with her friend on such a special occasion.
It Was the Same Weekend
Putting things together, she realized that the baptism was the same weekend as her boyfriend’s birthday weekend. He was quite disappointed when he found out that she had booked a flight. He was also sad as she had double booked, as they had already made their bookings for the Napa trip.
Her Best Friend Needed Her
On Thursday, OP was talking to her friend and realized she would be letting her down by not attending the baptism. With only a few family members scheduled to be in attendance, her best friend needed her there.
She Chose to Go to the Baptism
She decided to change her plans and attend the baptism and called her boyfriend to tell him she had changed her mind about Napa. He argued that it was too late to get his money back for the Napa trip and that they would lose money either way. He had already taken Friday and Monday off and would prefer it if she stayed.
She Took Him to Dinner
OP stuck to her decision and took her boyfriend to dinner to celebrate his birthday. Her boyfriend seemed to handle it well and enjoyed dinner with her.
Then It Went Wrong
However, things took a turn for the worse when OP told her boyfriend she wouldn’t be spending the night with him and would be heading straight to the airport after dinner. He became visibly upset and left in a huff.
She Was Upset With Him
OP called her own Uber and left for the airport the next morning.
“I was kind of upset with the way he acted, so I texted him Happy Birthday but didn’t talk to him otherwise.”
Their Friends Think She’s a Jerk
Upon arriving at her destination, OP met an army of angry texts from nearly all of their friends. Her boyfriend had gone out with some of them to celebrate his birthday since she wasn’t there, and when they found out why, they were all furious. They think OP is a complete jerk for leaving her boyfriend without plans for his 40th and for canceling at the last minute.
Online Forum Users Weigh In
They firmly believe that OP is TA, as her boyfriend tried to make things work for her, but OP was unwilling to do the same.
“YTA. You don’t like big parties, so he couldn’t have one? He went out of his way to accommodate your wants for HIS birthday, and you dropped him at the last minute. In fact, you barely acknowledged his birthday at all and made sure every minute of it was about you, even his birthday dinner. And then have the audacity to complain about the way he was acting.”
Give Him the Money for the Flight
“YTA, for sure. Being out of the flight is your own problem for double booking. You let him continue with Napa plans afterward, only to change your mind at the last second. Then to make it even worse, you booked his apology dinner on a night you can’t fully celebrate because of the trip you’ve planned that messed him up, and want a gold star for it? The least you owe him is to pay for whatever he’s out for the trip and a massive apology.”
A Rock and a Hard Place
One can be caught in a rock and a hard place when they have to choose between two important events on the same day. They would have to choose which one is a higher priority for them. Forum users don’t think OP made the right choice.
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