Sarah and her friends struggle to balance their desire for adult fun with their love and respect for Anna and her baby, leading to a difficult conversation about exclusion and honesty.
Things Changed
Anna had always been a close friend to the group, but ever since she had her baby six months ago, things had changed. “All of us used to hang out a lot before the baby was born. Baby changed dynamics because Anna wanted to bring the baby everywhere with her and it’s a baby. We tried to plan things around the baby to include Anna, but it always ended up badly,” Sarah, one of Anna’s friends, explained.
Difficult to Make Plans
Despite their efforts to include Anna, it had become increasingly difficult to plan outings that accommodated her baby’s needs. “We shouldn’t drink because Anna can’t drink. We shouldn’t be loud because the baby needs to sleep. The icing on the cake is her baby is extremely fussy and cries all the time. It was just a downer for the rest of us,” Sarah said, feeling frustrated by the situation.
They Excluded Her
As a result, the group started to hang out without Anna and her baby. “Last weekend, all of us went on a staycation. We had a great time and posted photos and videos on Instagram. Anna saw these and called me to ask why I did not ask her to come with,” Sarah said, feeling guilty for not inviting Anna.
She Felt Uncomfortable
When Sarah tried to explain that they had gone to a child-free resort, Anna called her bluff and sent photos of a random family with kids at the resort. “She kept forcing me, and I told her we did not want to hang out with her baby. She asked how can I say that about her baby,” Sarah said, feeling uncomfortable with the conversation.
The Baby was the Reason
Despite Sarah’s attempts to end the conversation, Anna continued to press the issue. “I finally told her it’s a baby, and we are all young. We don’t want to live our lives around a baby she chose to have. That we got to do adult stuff and party all we wanted. Her baby is the only reason she wasn’t invited. If she left the baby at home, she can come too,” Sarah said, feeling guilty for her words.
She Didn’t Take it Well
Anna didn’t take the news well and called Sarah a jerk. She also sent a text in the group chat, saying she was disappointed in all of them for excluding her just because she was a mom. “Half of our friend group thinks I should not have told her the real reason and is mad at me. The other half thinks she is unreasonable,” Sarah said, feeling torn between her loyalty to Anna and her desire to be honest with her feelings.
Deeper Rooted
As the group discussed the situation, they realized that there were deeper issues at play. “We all love Anna and her baby, but we also want to be able to have fun and live our lives without feeling like we have to cater to a baby’s needs. It’s not that we don’t want to spend time with Anna, but we also want to be able to do things that don’t involve a baby,” John, another friend of Anna’s, explained.
An Honest Approach
Despite the tension in the group, they all agreed that they needed to have an honest conversation with Anna about their feelings. “We need to be able to talk openly and honestly with Anna about how we feel. We don’t want to hurt her feelings, but we also don’t want to feel like we have to sacrifice our own happiness for her and her baby,” Sarah said, feeling hopeful that they could find a solution that worked for everyone.
Planned Better
Over time, the group began to have more open and honest conversations with Anna about their feelings. “It wasn’t easy, but we eventually found a way to balance our desire to have fun and live our lives with our love and respect for Anna and her baby. We started planning outings that were baby-friendly but also allowed us to have adult fun,” John said, feeling grateful for the group’s ability to work through their differences.
Straight to the Internet
Looking back on the situation, Sarah realized that it was important to be honest with her friends, even if it meant hurting their feelings. Sarah decided, however, to reach out to a popular internet forum page for an outside perspective on the situation to see what they thought.
The Internet Responds
One person writes, “You tried to let her down easy, and she kept on asking. Her life is different, and she probably just needs to find a different set of friends, one that more closely aligns with her interests.”
Another Person Comments
Another commenter puts, “Friend needs to be realistic. Having a kid was her decision, no one else’s. And her life shouldn’t have to stop. Friend should have considered the consequences sooner.”
A Final Comment
A third person writes, “Anna needs to start small. She needs to go out with her friends for an hour for coffee close to home and build up from there. A weekend away might be a bit much for her to handle, but she really should be able to leave the infant with their father for an hour or two for coffee/shopping/brunch.”
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