Having put up with a lifetime of paternal control regarding his educational decisions and success, he finally decided to abandon his promised college fund and pay it himself in order to free himself from the clutches of his dad.
The Weight of Expectations
Growing up, he lived with the looming expectations of his dad regarding his college education, along with his temper. There were strict rules surrounding what his Dad thought was the right educational journey.
A Golden Student
He’d always been a high achiever in school, but his dad had encouraged him to ‘go the extra mile.‘ His argument was that you should ‘reach for the stars’ and that way, you’ll always receive the highest mark.
High Expectations
His dad fully expected him to get top marks for everything, as well as receiving frequent awards. He urged him to be the best at math, languages, science, and sports and aim to be the best in each of his classes.
Extreme Pressure
Though he had once believed his dad’s theory to be the right one, largely due to receiving excellent grades, over time, it had become a tremendous pressure, and the fear of his dad outweighed everything else.
A Controlling College Fund
His dad had set up a college fund for him, but it came with various stipulations, including the demand for nothing less than a B grade, pre-approval of his chosen classes, and weekly grade discussions.
A Stressful Academic Journey
While these stipulations might be reasonable for a typical parent, they turned his academic life into a stress-filled ordeal. He spent his 6th to 12th grade worrying about grades and enduring frequent shouting matches and groundings, often for issues beyond his control.
Demand for Truth
His Dad would push him to reveal his grades for every assignment or test. On one hand, it pushed him to receive the best marks he could to avoid his Dad’s wrath, but equally, he lived in fear of a low grade.
The Unreasonable Searches
To make matters worse, his dad took things to an extreme, resorting to random searches of his backpack and locker without any clear reason other than “to make sure he wasn’t hiding anything.”
A Low Grade
On one occasion, he’d struggled with an assignment, and his grade dropped by a couple of points. Though he was still considered a good student, his dad had hit the roof and shouted at him for it.
A Turning Point
He reached a turning point and decided to take control of his education and finances. He couldn’t bear the thought of being controlled for four more years. It was time to start considering what he wanted for his future.
Self-Payment Decision
In light of his decision, he chose to pay for his college tuition himself. Having given it a lot of thought, the relief of not living in constant fear of his dad’s disapproval was worth the financial burden he’d now shoulder.
A Year of Independence
He successfully completed his first year of college, reveling in the independence and freedom he had gained. He no longer had to share his grades or take classes that didn’t resonate with him. It was all on his terms, and he was much happier for it.
A Family Gathering
The 4th of July brought his family together, where discussions often took nosy turns. The conversation of school and grades would always come up, and he’d feel as though as was being scrutinized.
An Unexpected Question
During the gathering, the topic shifted to his cousin’s college expenses. His uncle directed a question at the man’s dad, “How much is (his name) school costing you?”
A Candid Response
In response, the man decided to be candid, blurting out, “What are you asking him for? I’m the one paying for it!” He knew there would be repercussions as soon as he’d said it, but his resentment had started to become too much to bear.
An Unexpected Outburst
His dad, evidently angered by his response, confronted him later, claiming that he had crossed a line and had embarrassed him. He fully expected him to be annoyed, but he wanted to simply tell the truth about the situation.
Honesty Over Embarrassment
He defended his actions, explaining that he hadn’t meant to embarrass him; he was simply being honest. After all, he didn’t even know the cost of his tuition, so he was the wrong person to ask.
A Battle of Perspective
This incident sparked a family debate about the boundaries of honesty and embarrassment. His mom intervened and said he was wrong for showing his dad up and argued that he could have been less dramatic about it.
Standing His Ground
He argued that his dad had always made him feel guilty, and it was a moment of simply owning his truth. He hadn’t wanted his dad to pretend like he was paying for the tuition when it wasn’t the case.
The Right to Control
He also said that his choice to pay for college had granted him the freedom he’d longed for, but it had also highlighted the tension between independence and parental control.
The Lingering Question
The question of whether he was wrong to address the situation in front of his uncle remained unanswered, leaving him to grapple with the complex dynamics of his family. He wondered whether he really should have just remained silent, as he had always done. But surely that would deny him freedom and independence?
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