Lila struggles to balance her family’s tradition of naming children after deceased family members with her own desires when she becomes pregnant and decides not to continue the tradition.
A Family Tradition
Lila had always known about the family tradition of giving the first child born after the loss of a family member the late family member’s name as their middle name. “My sister and I both have those middle names. Hers is Patricia, after a cousin of our mom’s, and mine is Denise, after my dad’s aunt,” Lila explained. However, when Lila’s sister lost her son, Philip, almost a year ago, the tradition took on a new level of significance for the family. “It was a huge, earth-shattering blow for our family,” Lila said, feeling the weight of the loss.
She Was Pregnant
When Lila found out she was pregnant a few months ago, she knew that the family would expect her to continue the tradition. “When I told her, she said it would be nice to have some positive news to focus on, and she wanted me to continue the tradition our family keeps and give my baby, if a boy, the middle name Philip. She was so happy about the idea. It surprised me a lot. I would have figured she would not be okay with it. But she wanted it,” Lila said, feeling conflicted about the decision.
They Didn’t Want To
Despite her sister’s wishes, Lila and her husband had decided that they did not want to continue with the tradition. “The name isn’t one either of us likes or would ever pick ourselves,” Lila said, feeling guilty about the decision.
The Family Became Upset
When Lila’s family found out about her decision, they were upset and confused. “My family were saying how amazing it will be if my baby is a boy and Philip’s name can be carried on… They asked why, and I said we were thinking of not continuing with the tradition. My family, and by that I mean my parents mostly, were really upset,” Lila said, feeling the weight of their disappointment.
The Sister Was Furious
However, it was Lila’s sister who was the most upset by the decision. “She asked why I wouldn’t want to honor Philip and why it was him the tradition was getting broken. She asked if I saw him as meaning so little, and I said no, of course not. Then she asked if it was his name and we didn’t like it. She said she really hoped it wasn’t that. I said we just didn’t feel like the tradition was something we wanted to continue,” Lila said, feeling the strain on their relationship.
They Remained Set
As the due date approached, Lila and her husband remained firm in their decision, despite the pressure from Lila’s family. “My husband hates them for putting this pressure on us. He said we should be allowed to name our son what we want, and we should not be obliged to use a certain name,” Lila said, feeling grateful for her husband’s support.
Tension Builds
However, the tension between Lila and her family continued to grow. “The decision has brought up a lot of bad feelings, and my sister is especially angry and thinks I’m being insensitive and showing how little I care for my nephew. I feel terrible,” Lila said, feeling torn between her family’s expectations and her own desires.
They Kept it a Surprise
As the day of the birth approached, Lila and her husband decided to keep the name a secret until after the baby was born. “We wanted to avoid any more pressure or arguments from our family. We wanted to be able to enjoy the moment without any added stress,” Lila said, feeling relieved to have a plan in place. Finally, the day arrived, and Lila gave birth to a healthy baby boy. “We looked at each other and knew immediately what we wanted to name him. It wasn’t Philip, but it was a name that was meaningful to us and that we both loved,” Lila said, feeling overjoyed at the arrival of their son.
The Family was Disappointed
When Lila’s family found out the name, they were initially disappointed but eventually came around to the idea. “It took some time, but eventually, they realized that it was our decision to make and that we had chosen a name that was meaningful to us. They may not have agreed with our decision, but they respected it,” Lila said, feeling grateful for the love and support of her family.
To the Internet
Looking back on the experience, Lila realized that it was important to follow her heart and make decisions that felt right for her and her family. “While it was difficult to go against tradition and disappoint my family, I knew that it was important to choose a name that felt right for us. In the end, we were able to find a name that was meaningful and that we both loved,” Lila thought to herself, feeling grateful for the lessons she had learned. However, she couldn’t seem to shake the thought of what she did right for the respect of her family. Lila decides to ask for advice from a popular internet forum.
The Internet Responds
One person comments, “You and your husband have the right to name your child whatever you want. However, your family also has the right to be hurt. Not only is this a tradition, but it’s a tradition that honors people the family has lost. Keep in mind how rarely a middle name is actually used. Is this something you are willing to create a fight over? (As you say, your husband ‘hates’ your family for putting so much pressure on the name.)”
Another Response
Another person writes, “Have you pointed out to your family that your husband has a family of his own and your son is going to be a member of his family too? I’m guessing it won’t help with the more emotional people like your sister, but might be worth pointing out that your family isn’t the only people to consider.”
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