Tom made a comment about his female coworker feeling uncomfortable as the only woman in his male-dominated office and was accused of being sexist by his girlfriend’s friend.
He Was With Friends
Tom was hanging out with his girlfriend and some friends when the conversation turned to work. Tom mentioned that his coworker, who was the only woman in his office, seemed uncomfortable at times. “I feel bad for her,” he said.
This Didn’t Sit Well
But Tom’s comment didn’t sit well with his girlfriend’s friend, who accused him of being a sexist person. “She said I had no right to say that, but I don’t think I said anything wrong,” Tom explained. “Everyone else agrees with me, but I still have some doubts.”
He Was Hurt
Tom was confused and hurt by the accusation. He didn’t think he had said anything sexist, and he didn’t understand why his girlfriend’s friend had reacted so strongly. “I called her a girl because she’s still in college; she works here as an intern,” Tom explained. “My girlfriend’s friend said that I said that women can’t handle the job I do, which I never said. All I said was she was the only girl.”
She Was Still Upset
Tom’s girlfriend tried to mediate the situation, but it was clear that her friend was still upset. “I don’t know why you would say something like that,” she said. “It’s not fair to assume that just because she’s a woman, she can’t handle working in a male-dominated office.” Tom tried to explain that he wasn’t trying to be sexist, but his girlfriend’s friend wasn’t having it. “I think you need to be more careful about what you say,” she said. “You never know who might be listening and how they might interpret your words.”
He Couldn’t Explain
Tom felt embarrassed and ashamed. He didn’t want to be seen as a sexist, but he also didn’t want to feel like he couldn’t express his thoughts and opinions. “I know I need to be more careful about how I phrase things, but I also don’t want to feel like I can’t say what I’m thinking,” he said.
He Changed His Ways
Tom realized that he needed to be more mindful of his language and how it might be perceived by others. “I didn’t mean to come across as sexist, but I can see how my comment might have been interpreted that way,” he said. “I will try to be more careful in the future and avoid making assumptions based on someone’s gender.”
The Girlfriend Calmed
Tom’s girlfriend’s friend eventually calmed down, and they were able to move past the incident. But Tom couldn’t shake the feeling that he had done something wrong. “I still feel bad about what happened,” he said. “I don’t want to be seen as a sexist, and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”
Straight to the Internet
With Tom’s feelings in mind, he decided it was only best to reach out to the internet for other responses to his thoughts and to see if he handled things correctly or not.
The Internet Responds
One person comments, “Noticing that the one woman in the office seems uncomfortable is like…what most women want from dudes. To pay attention and notice these things. I do not get why they said you were sexist. Are you sure that’s ALL you said? You didn’t mention she was pretty or single or say *anything* personal about her at all?”
A Further Comment
Another person writes, “If literally everyone else except OP’s girlfriend’s friend is siding with him, then I take that to mean that’s all he said (unless he’s omitting something?). Because I can’t see the friend’s perspective at all.”
A Final Word
A third person writes, “It does kinda depends on the tone of voice with how it was interpreted too – if GF’s friend doesn’t know him so well she maybe thought the comment that the girl seemed uncomfortable was a criticism, as you’ve said. It also depends on the context of the conversation… like had they just finished discussing a popular YouTuber who disparages women and had agreed with some other stuff? So was this a response to a few things?
If it was just that one thing OPs put as written being misinterpreted, then NTA – but yea, just try building a better relationship with this girl if your gf likes her, cause if not, it could be a pain over not such a big deal/ a misinterpretation or trigger. (Maybe she’s been that girl and not coped well because of blatantly sexist coworkers – it happens). Also, if the crowd was mostly guys and/ or GFs, bear in mind that there will probably be women who might’ve said they didn’t see the issue to please the guys/ keep the peace – that is a thing that happens.
Everyone gets it wrong sometimes – and yeah, she might just be a jerk. But if she was ok otherwise, give her another chance and drop the argument. If it comes up, say you’re sorry it may have come across that way, but actually, you’re just concerned your female co-worker doesn’t feel included/ you’d find hers a challenging position to be in. No point going toe to toe on what you meant being misinterpreted – it’ll just end in a fallout, and it could be your girlfriend who loses most.”
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