Gaslighting is a type of emotional manipulation that involves using words to redirect blame from bad behavior, causing the victim to question themselves. Recently, online forum users shared what they believe are the most common gaslighting phrases.
You’re So Dramatic
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This one is prevalent when calling out someone’s appalling behavior, mainly if it has caused a lot of distress.
One sharer said, “This is often coupled with ‘you have anger issues’ if you’re mad at them for what they did.”
That’s Just How You Interpreted It
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This can often be met with, “Once again, you’ve turned the way I’ve reacted about something into me being selfish.”
Distorting the reality (or outright lying) about an event when called out on it is textbook gaslighting.
All You Do Is Nag
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This one is as old as time itself and is often used against women by their male partners who benefit from the stereotype that calling out their behavior is “nagging.”
One user shared that this was her ex’s go-to response during discussions. “‘All you do is NAG!’ in response to me saying anything about his behavior that hurts me.”
You’re Too Sensitive
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One comment said this was a form of gaslighting they received in a relationship, along with:
“’You’re overreacting,’ ‘I’m an idiot,’ ‘I’m just a moron/idiot/dumb,’ ‘It was a joke.’ His personal favorite: ‘You should have known it was a joke.'”
That’s Your (Insert Mental Illness) Talking
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Many abusive people will gladly date someone they know who has a mental health disorder because it’s ideal fodder for gaslighting.
Another common one is blaming a woman’s menstrual cycle when she calls out lousy behavior.
It’s All In Your Head
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This one often goes hand-in-hand with gaslighting someone with mental health problems because it hones in on the “you are crazy” narrative.
It is often teamed up with “Where’s the evidence then?”. The idea is that there should be tangible proof to back up your “theory.”
That Never Happened
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As well as being a common gaslighting remark, it’s outright dishonesty.
Other variations include: “That never happened… I never did that… name a time I did/said that… you can’t even remember what you ate yesterday, how would you remember I said that?”
You’re Overreacting
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A user weighed on this one, along with her ex’s other “go-to” gaslighting remarks:
“’You’re making mountains out of molehills,’ ‘You never let anything go,’ ‘Just let it go,’ ‘Get over it,’ ‘You never apologize for anything,’ (which is him because I always have to, even if I’m not in the wrong).”
You’re Too Emotional
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A sharer confessed, “Anytime I showed any emotions (shock, surprise, anger), even the smallest amount, towards anything it was like he was filled with disgust.”
“Anytime we had a disagreement, especially towards the end, he remained creepily calm, and if I had any emotions or reactions he’d say ‘You’re the one yelling/crying/etc.’ It was tiring.”
Putting You Down
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One user had an ex who used to “compare” her to other females he knew to make her feel small.
“He just casually dropped comments about how his gal pals were better at different things than me, followed by a display of affection reminding me how awesome he was for putting up with my never-ending deficiencies anyway.”
Certain Derogatory Mannerisms
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This online user said his ex used to have certain go-to comments or mannerisms whenever he opened up to her.
“I would be sharing my heart and she would respond with, ‘Oh what drama,’ or just yawn in my face.”
You Have A Bad Memory
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Or pretending they’re the ones with the bad memory.
“I don’t remember doing that, so you must be making it up.”
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