We wanted to know – what are the biggest humdingers you ever heard about why someone was unfaithful? Some of these folks have a neck longer than a giraffe’s!
Kicked the Big C – Both of Them
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“‘You are dying! Do you really want me alone when you are dead?’ I was fighting cancer. He also told me that I was disgusting and he felt gross touching me.
Kicked the Big C – Both of Them
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“Luckily, both types of cancer are out of my life.”
Phone Philanderer
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“‘You didn’t answer your phone, was I supposed to spend Saturday night alone??’
Phone Philanderer
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“I was at work, and so were you. We worked together, you f*****g moron.”
Marriage Moron
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“She met someone that she immediately saw herself marrying. A month after we broke up she moved across the country, got married, called me to tell me she made a mistake, got divorced, moved back home, got pregnant, and then got married again. Her Current age is 22.”
Illogical
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“He said that he cheated on me because I wanted to have too much s**.”
Illogical
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“More than 5 years later I still can’t find any logic in that.”
Honesty is the Best Policy… Kind Of
“Her response once I caught her was that she was flat-out h***y.
Honesty is the Best Policy… Kind Of
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“But after I said that’s why you have a boyfriend, it was kinda funny how she went dead silent.”
Ties That Bind
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“‘It’s not like we’re married.’
Ties That Bind
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“Apparently, I can’t expect respect from someone who goes from calling me “love of my life” to b***ing her high school s**g toy when he comes back to town.”
That Old Chestnut
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“‘It’s not what you think it is!’
That Old Chestnut
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“After I walked in on them making out. While she was on his lap. Both without shirts.”
Death Becomes Him
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“My ex-girlfriend said, ‘I forgot you were alive.’.
Death Becomes Him
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“For details, I wasn’t in the military, I was in university.”
Lupus Loopiness
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“‘I have needs for s** you aren’t helping me with!’
Lupus Loopiness
“Said to me the day I got home from spending a week in the hospital with kidney failure (lupus).”
A Girl On Every Port
It’s Santa’s Fault
“Well, I know this guy that was convinced he was in an open relationship, except he forgot to let his girlfriend know…. She found out 7 years into the ‘open relationship.’
A Girl On Every Port
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With multiple women in 4 continents. Oh, he also had a book where he’d categorize them….”
It’s Santa’s Fault
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“I can’t stop cheating, I just have so many issues, my mom lied about Santa when I was a kid, and it really f***ed me up. I don’t think I can trust people because of it, so I cheat.”
It’s Santa’s Fault
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Arguably the most hilarious excuse on this list.
Sandwich Sadness
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“‘It’s like if you order the same Subway sandwich for a year, you’ll eventually get bored of it. But you try another flavor, and when you go back to the original one it’s better than you remembered”
Sandwich Sadness
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“Felt not so good being compared to a 6-inch BLT, tbh.”
Onion Objectification
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“I got “I found better” and “I didn’t know I could get someone like her”…
Onion Objectification
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“Then later tells me she talks to and names inanimate objects and has an onion who is her BFF since Covid started.”
Party Pooper
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“He said it was my fault for not being at that party with him.”
Party Pooper
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Even though I wasn’t invited and he didn’t tell me he was going.”
The “Robinson Crusoe Defence”
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“‘I didn’t view it as cheating at the moment; I was exploring a part of myself”
The “Robinson Crusoe Defence”
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“Exploring a part of someone else too…”.
Baby Blues
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“I was pregnant again after a traumatic 18-week loss. He said “You weren’t the same after that. You were a complete basket case and paranoid.”
Baby Blues
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Paranoid that I might lose another baby. Thanks for the support, a**hole.”
Double Standards
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“I’m bi. My ex was gay. Bisexuals still get a bad rep for supposedly being ultra-promiscuous.
Double Standards
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He was afraid I might cheat on him because of that, so he cheated on me first to “lessen the blow’”.
Biblical Baby
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“She told me an angel came to her in a dream and told her she would give birth to the messiah.”
Biblical Baby
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A creative excuse, if nothing else.
The Stats Don’t Lie
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“He couldn’t get me off and wanted to know that he wasn’t totally worthless as a man (his words, mind you)…
The Stats Don’t Lie
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He reassured himself with seven other partners, so I guess he was looking for statistically significant results.”
Tick Removal Service
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“As a gay man in the Midwest who’s experienced this before, I’d say the dumbest excuse was ‘we were checking each other for ticks’.
…with mouths??”
Disagreeable Body Parts
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“I’m monogamous, but my d*** isn’t.”
Disagreeable Body Parts
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Another user weighed in on this surprisingly common excuse: “Oh my God, he hit you with the community property excuse.”. Source: Reddit.
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