OP (a 41-year-old man) was celebrating his birthday, so his wife and three sons made him breakfast and gifted him restored and framed photos of his late mother and him. He cried at the touching gesture, but things soon started to go awry when his eldest son (7 years old) with ADHD began to act out, kicking his 3-year-old younger brother, who was being too loud while he was listening to an audiobook.
OP intervened, but his son started swearing and crying loudly.
His Wife Told Him to Stop
His wife came in and told him to stop, which OP felt was a pattern that sent the signal that she was on their son’s side, causing him to escalate.
He Lost His Temper
His son then said that his late mother would not be proud of him, and OP lost his temper, telling his son that he was awful and did not want him at his birthday.
The Wife Went to Her Mothers With the Kids
His wife started sobbing, and she and the kids left to go to her mother’s.
OP Believes Some of the Situation Is His Wife’s Fault
OP believes that more than a little of the responsibility for the situation lies with his wife, who he says gaslights him and yells at him if there’s conflict. He has urged her to get therapy, but she never follows up.
He’s Apologised but She Thinks He’s Abusive
OP has apologized and wants to mend the family dynamic, but his wife has accused him of being abusive and dominating everything in the family, so all other problems are secondary.
Readers Think He’s in the Wrong
There is a lot of serious criticism in the thread suggesting that OP is the one that is wrong:
“YTA and she probably have to parent you emotionally though you may not see it. If this were a healthy relationship then yes, she would be undermining you, but because you are displaying a big lack of coping skills and are lashing out verbally at your kid, she’s not undermining she’s protecting her child the only way she can.
You need therapy yourself. And a parenting class.”
He May Be a Less Effective Parent
This is a reasonably brutal but truthful perspective from one of the commenters. They are explaining to the OP that he, in fact, is likely to be the cause of his issues.
They illustrate that OP may, in fact, be the less effective parent and, in fact, require support from her as much as the children do. This is likely because OP’s wife is more emotionally mature and is therefore having to intervene and temper arguments that the OP is in with the children. In these instances, it is as if he is not acting like a parent at all.
His Son Is Mimicking Him
There were several seasoned parents that were happy to give some necessary advice too.
“YTA your son is absolutely mimicking you and mom. When we need to calm a child or adult we want to be the thermostat, not the thermometer. You set the tone in the room and be patient enough to let the storm settle. I have 5 kids 2 have autism all 5 have ADHD. When they are struggling I soften my voice, my stance, my face. He’s mimicking you so give him positive behavior to mimic.”
He Is Being a Child
This is essentially critical parenting 101. They have to describe this relatively simple concept to OP. They are suggesting that he is acting like a child and not a parent. He is participating in childish behavior, and being unnecessarily hurtful.
Children Need Teaching What Is Right and Wrong
OP must remember that children need to be taught what is right and wrong. They are always more likely to lash out and be verbally abusive as part of their healthy development.
The Child Is Learning OP’s Behavior
The reader also talked about how he got very offended and upset with his son but needs to understand that the child is doing exactly what OP is doing. The child is learning OP’s behavior as he sees it as the correct way to be.
The Online Community Gave Him Some Harsh Truths
There are a lot of harsh truths in the comment section. It may well be of great benefit to the OP as some kind of objective reflection for his behavior. Hopefully, he learns from the thread.
HIS HOA DEMANDS THE REMOVAL OF SECURITY CAMERAS: THEIR OVERSIGHT TRIGGERS A LEGAL BACKLASH, ENTRAPPING THEM IN A RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE LOOPHOLE!
A couple bought surveillance cameras to monitor their property, which inadvertently waged a costly war with their HOA.
She Demands Her Brother Share His Daughter’s Inheritance With Her Stepdaughter – Who Wasn’t Bequeathed Anything!
When it comes to family dynamics, few things can stir up emotions, quite like inheritance disputes. A contentious situation has emerged in an unfolding saga that tests the bonds of blood and challenges the concept of fairness. At the center of this narrative stands a sister who adamantly demands her brother to share his daughter’s inheritance with her stepdaughter, who, to her dismay, was not bequeathed anything.
HE ISSUES AN ULTIMATUM: IN-LAWS MUST VACATE OR HIS DAUGHTER’S DOOR REMAINS LOCKED IN A HEART-WRENCHING POWER STRUGGLE
OP’s brother-in-law, Sammy, moved in with his twin daughters, Olivia and Sloane, after losing his home due to a divorce. OP’s daughter, Zoey, is 16 years old and gets along fine with her cousins, but they do not respect her privacy.