OP’s brother-in-law, Sammy, moved in with his twin daughters, Olivia and Sloane, after becoming homeless after a divorce. OP’s daughter, Zoey, is 16 years old and gets along fine with her cousins, but they do not respect her privacy.
There’s No Issue?
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Olivia and Sloane walk into Zoey’s room and take whatever they want, including makeup, phone accessories, and clothes. Zoey complains, but Sammy and OP’s wife see no issue with this, claiming that it’s typical teenage behavior.
The Situation Escalated
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The situation escalated when Zoey bought an expensive MAC makeup kit that Sloane ruined by mixing the shades together without permission.
You’re Babying Her
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OP asked the girls to respect Zoey’s privacy and stop taking her things, but Sammy accused him of being overprotective and babying Zoey.
He Installed a Lock
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OP installed a lock on Zoey’s door to prevent her cousins from taking her belongings, which upset Sammy and his daughters.
His Wife Is Angry
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OP’s wife was angry that he installed the lock, saying that he should treat her nieces like daughters.
Her Family Should Have Helped
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OP reminded his wife that he allowed Sammy and his family to move in, which her own family refused to do, and that they wouldn’t be dealing with this disturbance if her family had helped.
They’re Getting the Silent Treatment
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As a result, everyone is giving OP and Zoey the silent treatment, and his wife is upset.
Readers Weigh In
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Family disputes are always difficult, no matter who you are. This is a point mentioned by most, suggesting that there will always be a complication in family matters.
It’s Disrespectful
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However, family disputes are also more significant as wrongdoings have greater ramifications as they are closer to you. Many have suggested that OP should not back down as he and his daughter are being seriously disrespected in their own home.
OP Should Not Back Down
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“NTA. Don’t back down. You are the only one sticking up for Zoey. If her cousins want to use expensive makeup, give them your wife’s. I guarantee she won’t appreciate sharing anymore.
They need to start behaving like appreciative guests.”
Her Cousins Are Evil
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This is a more extreme but warranted response suggested by the commenter. However, no one other than OP seems to be concerned with Zoey’s abuse, so maybe this is the perfect way to demonstrate how evil her cousins are being.
Ineffective Measures
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There is definitely some deliberation in the comments regarding how effective the OP’s measures are at generating respect from the extended family and the OP’s wife.
Readers Support Him
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Although, there is also a plethora of people who support what the OP has done so far:
“Your daughter doesn’t feel like she has any privacy or respect in her own home, and you gave her a lock to give her back her privacy. You tried talking to your wife, your BiL, and your nieces, and that got you nowhere – if your daughter has to accept three additional adults living in her home, they need to accept her very reasonable boundaries of not taking and ruining her things.
Good for you showing your daughter you respect and support her.”
Clear Boundary Violations
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This well-devised summary of the OP’s actions is an excellent example of how reasonable the actions of OP and his daughter have been. They are accurate in stating that there are clear boundary violations that have been addressed in the only way that seemed to work, with a physical lock on the door.
He Needs to Take Revenge
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Sometimes people need to be put in their place. In this instance, there have been various readers who have made some interesting suggestions of ramifications for the family’s actions:
“Throw them out, perhaps? Or start charging them rent (and increase it to pay for damages and stolen items)? No treats or privileges in the house until they improve their behavior? Loads of fun stuff you could do.”
Reasonable Suggestions
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Some are more tongue and cheek than others, but these suggestions are not unreasonable. Charging rent would draw a line in the sad to ensure that OP is being compensated fairly and that financial payments in the form of refund for the makeup stealing could be more seriously considered.
He Sold the Family Home for Three Times What He Paid for It, but Now His Siblings Are Demanding a Share of the Profit
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This Groom Invited His Ex-Girlfriend To His Wedding, But When She Showed Up In Suspenders He Had His Regrets!
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He Was Blinded by Love, Until He Learned About His Romanian Wife’s True Motives
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He Was Blinded by Love, Until He Learned About His Romanian Wife’s True Motives
