Assisting those in need is a kind gesture. Still, it is vital to consider the fine line between being helpful and being a nuisance. One needs to make sure not to overstep boundaries and become a burden. It is a delicate balance to strike, but it is worth finding the right approach.
This online forum user wanted to know if he was in the wrong for snapping at a woman who tried helping his boyfriend.
OP’s Boyfriend Was Home for a Party
OP and his boyfriend are from the same town. However, they attend different universities, keeping them apart from time to time. OP’s boyfriend had come home for the weekend to attend a friend’s birthday party.
He Went to His Parents
After the party, the boyfriend returned to his parent’s home, as his train to school was not scheduled to depart for a few hours. Because of OP’s boyfriend’s strained relationship with his parents, OP did his best to check in on him over text throughout the evening to ensure everything was fine.
Then He Texted OP for Help
Eventually, the train arrived, and OP got a text from his boyfriend, telling him he needed him and what platform in the train station he was on.
He’s on the Autism Spectrum
OP hurried down to the station, as his boyfriend is on the autism spectrum.
He Was Freaking Out – A Woman Was Trying to Help
When OP arrived, he saw a woman trying to help, but from his boyfriend’s reaction, she wasn’t doing much to improve things. OP said he ”got there as quick as I could, and when I found him, he was freaking out; it was a mix of a panic attack and a meltdown, and this woman was trying to help.”
She Was Making It Worse
She kept getting closer to him, not realizing that he was trying to move away from her. The woman then grabbed him, which made things worse. It was apparent to OP that his boyfriend was struggling even more because of this stranger.
OP Calmed Him Down
As OP reached him, the woman tried stopping him from getting to his boyfriend, claiming that OP would scare him even more. Eventually, OP was able to get past the woman and reach the boyfriend. As he calmed him down, the woman tried getting close to them again.
OP Shouted at the Woman
This led OP to snap at the woman, stating that she was not helping and asking her to leave. He continues, “I don’t remember exactly. I was too focused on my bf.”
She Started Calling OP Names
Once he was calm again, OP got him on the train, making sure his boyfriend knew to call him if anything else happened. As OP left the station, the woman came up to him again, calling him names, saying she was just trying to help.
He Half-Heartedly Apologized
OP apologized half-heartedly and told her that anyone could see she was stressing out his boyfriend more and that she needed to let go of her savior complex and let someone who actually knew what to do help.
Now, OP wants to know if he’s TA for reacting like he did.
Online Forum Users Comment
One forum user thinks OP is not wrong and was looking out for someone he cares for.
“NTA, you were trying to protect your partner, and you didn’t necessarily say anything wrong or offensive. You just told her how it is. She may have had good intentions, but she wasn’t being helpful.”
The Woman Only Putting Her Intentions First
Another also agreed with OP and believes he is NTA, with the woman only putting her intentions ahead of how the boyfriend was feeling.
“NTA. She prioritized her desire to be helpful over his well-being. She ignored the signs that her behavior was making it worse. She needed to be told to back off. I would have been more likely to give her the benefit of the doubt if she hadn’t been trying to touch him without his consent and trying to stop you from getting to him. Good intentions or not, her behavior sucked, and she is the AH for getting upset at you for calling that out.”
Did She Like the Idea of Helping More Than Actually Helping?
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