A 34-year-old man (let’s call him Max) and his 37-year-old partner have been together for four years and living together for three. They have a great relationship, except for one thing – the man hates dogs, but his partner adores them too much.
Two Opposites
Despite having dated dog owners in the past, Max has always maintained his boundaries, making it clear that he doesn’t want to be involved in the care of the dogs. He comes from a cultural background where dogs are considered outdoor animals and not equivalent to children. However, his partner views her two dogs as her children.
Moving In Together
When they moved in together, it was a challenging adjustment for both parties due to Max’s aversion to having animals inside the house. They reached a compromise where the living room and master bedroom were designated as dog-free zones, and the man wouldn’t be responsible for the dogs’ care.
Making Compromises
However, recently his girlfriend has been traveling more frequently to assist her parents, leaving the man to take care of the dogs for about a week at a time, including walking them and administering medication to an elderly dog. Although he doesn’t enjoy these tasks, he volunteers to support his partner.
The Argument
Currently, Max has purchased a new home and is excited to embark on this journey with his partner. An argument ensues when she suggests inviting her out-of-town friends to stay, along with their dogs. Max expresses his strong opposition to having animals in the house, reiterating his boundaries.
He Expresses His Hurt
He feels his limits are constantly being violated and believes her friends should make alternative arrangements for their pets.
She’s Upset
His partner becomes upset, saying the new house will never feel like her home. In response, Max suggests that he will not be present when her friends and their pets come over since he wouldn’t be able to welcome them genuinely.
No Way Forward
Max’s partner thinks he’s being insensitive. She explains that her friends cannot afford to board their pets, some of which have special needs. Max, however, doesn’t see it as his responsibility to solve this issue. He believes that individuals should be accountable for their own decisions. If they cannot find suitable care for their pets, it would be better if they didn’t come over. He wonders if he is wrong. Here’s what forum users think.
Incompatible?
Max’s partner has been making concessions on where her dogs are allowed in her home, which is a big deal for dog lovers. However, it must be acknowledged that Max has also made compromises. Max and his girlfriend’s current path may lead to unhappiness, according to a user who’s also a dog lover.
You Shouldn’t Be In a Relationship With Her
“I personally don’t understand people who don’t love dogs. I won’t be in a relationship with such one,” confesses a dog enthusiast. Max and his girlfriend are apparently not on the same page, which could result in mutual resentment. They project that because Max’s animal tolerance is so low, even a single dog will always be too many to handle. Max’s girlfriend may have to sacrifice her preferred way of living with animals because of his discomfort.
The Visitor’s Dogs Is The Issue
Another dog enthusiast recognizes that some people choose not to have a dog in the house. This is not an issue for the pair, given that they’ve been living quietly together for a few years. They only need to figure out how to deal with the guests’ dogs.
Live Apart
Absence may make the heart grow fonder or at least more tolerant of their differences. One user suggests that Max should consider staying in his place, and both can agree to have their own set of rules in their respective homes to keep the relationship going. But that plan could backfire. His girlfriend might end up spending less time at his place because she can’t bring her furry child along.
Too Many Questions
Even if they agree to stay in a relationship, someone who loves animals will not feel great about their partner’s absolute dislike of the dogs they love, one user points out. What happens when the elderly, well-behaved dog dies, and she wants a puppy? What happens if you have kids?
She Doesn’t Understand You
Max’s partner is not a bad person. She’s just too in love with dogs, which makes her blind to Max’s discomfort, one user observes. “She’s trying to have everything her way, with you doing all the compromising and understanding and her doing virtually none.” They advise that if Max is willing to allow the friends’ dogs over and won’t be around, he should stand firm on that decision.
She’s Trying to Change Him
Another person concurs. He characterizes Max’s girlfriend as one of those people who will listen to you when you set boundaries, only to try to change them later. Similar to those relationships where one person is pro-children and the other is not, they continue to date because one believes that not wanting children will change.
“Love is Not Equal Compatibility”
“I can’t imagine a relationship like this working out,” someone blurts. To them, this difference will be a bigger issue than it seems now. “As a pet lover, I would never expect anyone who dislikes a pet to live with them just for me,” they say, “There is compromise, and then there’s giving up things that are important to you to please a partner. Love does not equal compatibility.”
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