Parties can be a lot of fun. They can also be extremely awkward if people who used to be involved show up. That’s what happened to a man who recently posted his story to an online forum. This is Paul’s story.
High School Sweethearts
Paul, who is 35, used to be married to “Kelly,” who is also 35. They were high school sweethearts and enjoyed a great relationship, save one problem. Paul wanted children pretty quickly, and Kelly always seemed to have an excuse for accomplishments that needed to be checked off before they had children.
When
Paul says that whenever he mentioned children, Kelly would bring up something else she needed to see through before they could seriously discuss having a baby. First, it was paying off all their debt and living on their own. Then it was buying a home. After that, it was graduate school. Despite their arguments over children, Paul says he always supported Kelly so she wouldn’t resent him.
Checking In
Paul says he would often check in with Kelly to ensure she hadn’t changed her mind about having children. “She’d always reassure me that she wanted children, just not now.” Paul says he eventually felt like Kelly would “move the goalpost” whenever he mentioned having a baby.
Infertility
After months of not feeling well, Paul reveals that Kelly was diagnosed with an illness that left her infertile. Paul admits that he was angry because Kelly hadn’t been open to having children earlier. She also wasn’t open to using a surrogate, saying, “Either we were both the bio parents or neither of us were.” Eventually, after Kelly had been well for a year and ongoing therapy wasn’t working, Paul divorced her.
Second Chance
Eventually, Paul met and married a woman, Angela. She’s 32 and currently pregnant with their first child, a girl. As he noted in his post, Paul is very excited about impending fatherhood. When a college friend, who’d moved back to the States, invited him to a small get-together, he discreetly asked if he could bring his wife, even knowing Kelly would be there.
Things Go Awry
Paul hadn’t seen Kelly in years but said she looked well enough. Paul was polite but kept his distance. He thought the party went well until the next morning. He apparently got a litany of texts and direct messages (DMs) saying how rude and inconsiderate he’d been to “Parade his new (younger) and heavily pregnant wife in front of Kelly.” Paul was shocked, especially because he’d meant no ill will and had even double-checked beforehand to make sure it was ok. Of course, everyone had an opinion to share once his story went live.
Shocked
One user commented on some obvious points. “You’re divorced, it doesn’t sound like you screwed her over in it, and you each have your own lives now. She should have known having kids was important to you since that was obviously a wedge issue in your relationship with her, so she shouldn’t be shocked that you went on to achieve that goal. Also, 32 is essentially the same age as 35. It’s not like you showed up with a pregnant 20-year-old.”
Bitter
Another contributor thinks Kelly is just bitter. “Honestly, she’s just bitter he was able to move on and live his life the way that made him happy. This is what you get when you aren’t willing to compromise.”
Unfair Expectations
Someone commented on Kelly’s relentless excuses. “You clearly wanted a child, and for a long time, your ex-wife was ambivalent and actually sounded like she was inventing reasons why you couldn’t have children yet. The need you had to be a father was always being put on hold. You’re not selfish for wanting your own children. Infertility is a massive disappointment when you’ve wanted kids, but it’s not fair to expect marriages to survive this.”
Avoidance
One smart man made a great point. “Personally, I’d avoid anyone that wanted me to go somewhere casual without my wife.”
Revealed Preference
Another interested party thinks Kelly was showing what she really wanted despite what she was saying. “It’s called revealed preference – you show what you want by what you choose to do, not by what you say you want. She consistently came up with new reasons not to have kids. Her reasons may have been important to her, and ultimately they were more important than having kids (even if that was something she also wanted).”
More Time
One commenter stuck up for Kelly. “People are acting like she waited unreasonably long. It seems like she was late 20s or early 30s when she got sick. That’s a very common age to have kids. She thought she had more time.”
Normal
Another contributor thinks attending a party with your current spouse is normal. “You were invited, and it’s normal for someone’s spouse to accompany them – plus, you checked with the host in advance. You haven’t seen your ex in years. Life goes on. Nobody should be surprised that you are married again and are having a baby. I also don’t think a 3-year age gap makes your wife a child bride!”
Yes It Sucks
Someone else thinks Kelly’s situation sucks but doesn’t think Paul’s to blame. “Yes, the circumstances for your ex kind of suck. But it would not be such a big deal if she were happy in her own life. Also, you have no responsibility over other people’s reactions, etc. Live your life.”
Irrelevant
One participant believes Kelly’s infertility is irrelevant. “Her infertility is irrelevant. She was never going to have kids. She didn’t want them; she never wanted them; she wanted you and didn’t care if she ruined your life to keep you. It’s not accidental that the goalpost kept moving further away. And she still doesn’t care about your happiness. She wants you to be alone and childless, even when keeping you isn’t an option.”
Understand
Another respondent clearly understands where Paul is coming from. “He just wanted a child. He got married with that being crystal clear, and when it was no longer an option (after being pushed back a million times), what were his options? I understand him leaving.”
Move On
Another individual thinks Kelly should move on and move past the divorce and not having children. “I understand that it could be difficult for your ex-wife to see you ‘winning in life,’ but that’s not something you have to plan your life around. If it’s been years, she should work on moving on from the divorce and not having children. But I’m glad you’re finally on track toward your own life goals. Good for you.”
Different Lives
One participant pointed out Paul and Kelly’s respective, different lives. “You both moved on and have different lives now. Your new wife just being there doesn’t really constitute parading, and you don’t seem to have taken her there with malicious intent.”
Sometimes Things Suck
Life is complicated enough without adding malicious activities to your day. Kelly clearly knew where Paul stood on children. Paul couldn’t have known how Kelly fit because her actions were in direct contradiction to the words she was saying. When Paul moved on and met Angela, was he supposed to check in with Kelly to see if she approved of their marriage or getting pregnant? Divorce and infertility suck so much, but it’s no cause for Paul to hide his wife or downplay his own happiness to shield his ex-wife from something hurtful.
He Sold the Family Home for Three Times What He Paid for It, but Now His Siblings Are Demanding a Share of the Profit
A man bought his two siblings out of their share of the family home when their mother passed away. Now he’s sold the house for three times the amount he paid for it, and his siblings are demanding a cut.
This Groom Invited His Ex-Girlfriend To His Wedding, But When She Showed Up In Suspenders He Had His Regrets!
Recently, a couple decided to have a micro wedding with just their immediate family, around ten people. They chose a venue known for holding significant events, but they hired a smaller room there.
This Groom Invited His Ex-Girlfriend To His Wedding, But When She Showed Up In Suspenders He Had His Regrets!
He Was Blinded by Love, Until He Learned About His Romanian Wife’s True Motives
In a tale fraught with deception and vengeance, a man recently divulged his experience of unmasking his Romanian wife’s infidelity and orchestrating a chain of events that ultimately led to the revocation of her Greencard, laying bare her hidden agenda.
He Was Blinded by Love, Until He Learned About His Romanian Wife’s True Motives