A man asked for advice from an online community about his adoptive son and biological father.
They Adopted Their Nephew
The man explains how he and his wife came to adopt the boy.
“My wife and I adopted our son, Adam, 13, right after he was born. My sister had drug issues, and his bio dad signed away all custody. My sister is MIA to the family for the most part, but Adam knows of her.”
The Boy’s Paternal Side Is A Mess
The man shared how Adam’s dad’s side of the family isn’t ideal.
“His bio dad was imprisoned about ten years ago, and his whole family is messed up. Bio was just recently released from prison, and his caseworker wants him to meet our son and have a better connection with him.”
He Signed Away Custody
So the man was within his rights to refuse this, which he did, and his wife agreed.
“Our son is sensitive and does well in school and will be attending a private science and STEM-focused high school. He’s top of his class. Enjoys music and video games and wants to be an engineer or composer.”
He Should Leave Them Be
The man doesn’t think the biological father has any business having a relationship with Adam.
“I do NOT want some man fresh out of prison to try to create a selfish bond with my son. Bio’s caseworker insists he’s clean and wants to be involved in Adam’s life. I said if he genuinely cared about my son, he’d leave well enough alone until my son was an adult.”
He Was Released Early From Jail
This suggests he has been well-behaved and may be on the road to redemption, but the man isn’t sold.
“I don’t think being released from prison early is enough to merit him a relationship with Adam, and I will spend all of my money on lawyers to make sure it doesn’t happen.”
The Caseworker Disagrees
And feels the biological father deserves a relationship with his son.
“The caseworker said I was wrong for not giving a man a second chance at happiness, but I’m not disrupting my son’s life over this.”
He Needed Advice
The man is adamant he’s made the right decision, despite what the caseworker said, but he wanted to see what unbiased people thought.
So he headed to an online community to ask if he was indeed wrong here.
The Jury’s In
And the community agreed that the man wasn’t wrong.
“The caseworker is biased in favor of bio dad. Suggest you speak with a psychologist on your son’s behalf who will likely recommend bio stay away until the son is ready.”
The Caseworker Is Wrong
Users agreed the caseworker’s view of the situation is myopic.
One user shared this: “The thing that grinds my gears is the caseworker’s assumption that the child will help the bio stay on the straight and narrow. Children are not guardians/support animals/conscious of any person, especially an adult. The CW is part of that annoying subset that gives kids jobs as soon as they are born. The bio needs to get better for himself.”
The Biological Dad Is Being Selfish
Many users didn’t feel that the man’s motives for seeing his son were virtuous.
“Bio dad is trying to connect to his son for his own selfish purposes – to benefit himself. That alone indicates he’s not ready to be in a father role.”
The Caseworker Sounds Incredibly Unprofessional
All users unanimously agreed that the sharer – and indeed the bio dad – wasn’t wrong. The caseworker, on the other hand….
“Caseworker needs to be reported to their manager if they continue to harass OP [original poster] and his family. And geez, I hope biodad (or caseworker) doesn’t have a current address/school because I can just see these people turning up unexpectedly, ‘Son! oh how I need you—until I relapse/get a girlfriend/squirrel!’”
Op Needs To Take Precautions To Protect His Son
Given the attitude of the caseworker, users wouldn’t put it past the bio dad to show up unannounced into his son’s life.
“OP should call the school and warn them. He should also have a talk with his son about this because bio could try to see him elsewhere, and his son should not be blindsided. And make sure son’s and close families’ social media is locked down too.”
No Obligation
The bio dad signed his rights away and has no legal leg to stand on.
“You don’t have any obligation to continue talking to this caseworker. How did the caseworker even get his phone number? Reporting them for harassment is the way to go. The CW is the AH here.”
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