15-year-old OP and his twin recently joined the Civil Air Patrol. Their father, a retired Army veteran, has been nudging them to be physically fit. He offered a deal where they could only attend CAP if they ran two miles three times a week. Although OP started putting effort into exercising and enhancing their fitness level, their father is not letting them run with the dog in the nighttime for safety reasons.
They Did an Indoor Workout Instead
One day, when it was cold and rainy outside, OP texted their father to inform him that they did a workout in their room instead of running.
The Dad Got Angry
However, their father got angry when they asked why they hadn’t run and claimed that they should have worked out even if they didn’t run.
He Wanted Them to Do Indoor CV
When OP explained that they had worked out, their father wanted them to do cardio on an exercise bike instead of just working out at home.
He Asked What He Could Do to Help Them
Their father then asked what he could do to help OP do better, and OP suggested that they face the natural consequences of not working out if they want to develop self-discipline.
He Didn’t Agree With Their Suggestions
However, their father didn’t agree and said that he only cared that they obeyed him.
They Had an Argument
This led to an argument about whether intent and motivation matter, and their father made cutting remarks that minimized OP’s progress in running.
He Accused Them of Gaslighting Him
OP became frustrated and began crying, and their father accused them of gaslighting him. The argument escalated, and OP’s sister defended them while their father sent OP to bed, calling them immature, petty, and not worth talking to like an adult.
They Haven’t Talked Since
They haven’t talked since, and OP acknowledges that they could have conducted themselves better during the argument.
People Commented
Effectively everyone in the thread responded with sympathy for the young OP.
“Not the jerk. So you’ve been running and regularly working out from ages 12-15 and wanted to not run because of rain, but still went and worked out, and your dad got mad? I do not really understand the problem. Unless you are coming up with a different excuse every week (too cold, too tired, too busy, etc.) I’m not seeing the harm in missing a day every once in a while.”
They Try to Get to the Bottom of the Problem
This person is trying to get to the bottom of the upset. Clearly, the OP has been forced to be physically fit since they were fairly young. Regularly running and exercising, as encouraged by their hardline father.
The Argument Seems Way Out of Proportion
Therefore, the commenter makes the point that the argument seems to be way out of proportion if there was only one main incident in the last period where they decided not to run.
It Seems Reasonable for People to Have a Day Off
Intense training for years will inevitably encounter days where the conditions are not suitable, and it would be reasonable for people to not exercise for that reason.
The Father Is Very Much in the Wrong
The commenter believes that if the facts of the story are accurate, then the father is very much in the wrong. They are the ones causing undue upset for what appears to be no reason.
The Father Has an Issue!
Again, if what the OP describes is relatively accurate, then there is definitely an issue with the father and not the OP.
“Not the jerk. Nothing you said/did in any way meets the criteria for ‘gaslighting.’ It sounds like your dad has some serious control issues and is grasping at straws because he doesn’t know how to handle you standing up for yourself.”
They Didn’t Do Anything Wrong
Clearly, the story does not add up to any ill intent from the OP. They were voicing their views and acting reasonably.
He’s Just Far Too Controlling
Moreover, it comes across as if the father is simply far too controlling for what appears to be no reason. It is a concern that the household may face some issues if the kids have to deal with an overly harsh father figure.
He Should Gain Respect, Not Fear
Hopefully, the father can stop being so stubborn and try to regain some respect from his kids rather than fear.
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