It shouldn’t be surprising that not all parent-child relationships are lovely. Besides the normal tension of interactions between parents and their adult children, other factors can make these relationships a nightmare. This is “Steve’s” story.
COVID Complications
“Steve” is married to “Melanie,” and the two have been trying to deal with Steve’s mother, “Mary.” According to Melanie, Steve’s father and grandfather recently died from COVID complications within the last year. When Mary’s husband was in the hospital, she was recovering from surgery.
This situation left Steve to run all the errands for his grandfather before he passed. No one seemed to appreciate Steve’s time and effort to be kind and helpful.
The Illness
When Steve’s grandfather also fell ill with COVID, his mother suffered from an unknown illness in the hospital. After his grandfather passed away, Steve was left to handle his grandfather’s estate as his mother could not do so. Because Mary was incapacitated, Steve dealt with the trust that was willed to his parents.
Melanie says she and Steve worked their tails off to clean out the house, hire a realtor, close his accounts, etc. She then relays that once the house became sellable, Mary made a “miraculous” recovery and demanded to take charge of her father-in-law’s estate.
Challenging Behaviors
Melanie says through the house-selling process, Mary was challenging, to put it mildly, and seemed to be trying to manipulate the situation to her benefit, leaving Steve, Melanie, and Steve’s sister, “Sarah,” out in the cold.
Melanie admits that for her and Steve, as well as Sarah, the money from the sale of his grandfather’s house would have been life-changing. She also says that to Mary, it was just more money she didn’t need.
Here’s the Real Kicker
Melanie says that once Mary had her name on the trust, she and Steve could no longer see where the money was going, and it seems Sarah wasn’t making any headway with Mary either.
According to Melanie, Sarah asked for an itemized list of everything Steve and Mary paid for out of the trust, and Mary said, “I’ll get it to you later.” And when she and Steve asked when they’d see their portion of the inheritance set aside for them, Mary said, “When the trust expenses were paid.”
Melanie insists Steve already took care of all the expenses and had even set aside money to cover any surprise or upcoming medical bills that might come their way.
All The Power
Thinking they might have legal recourse, Steve and Melanie talked to a lawyer only to find out that as of right now, while Mary is the executor of her father-in-law’s estate, there’s nothing they can do but wait and hope she does right by them.
Family relationships are almost never easy, and even in the best circumstances can leave you scratching your head at the terrible ways people treat their loved ones. Here’s some advice people had for Melanie and Steve concerning their estate issues.
Grandfather’s Will
One forum contributor was interested to know was Steve’s Grandfather originally wanted for his grandchildren. “What was specified in Grandfather-in-law’s will? Are Dear Husband and Sister-in-law specifically named as inheritors, or has she just been saying they will get a portion?”
Legal Dispute
Another individual was positive that Steve and Sarah should be able to dispute the trust. “Steve and Sarah are legally allowed to contest. DH says he has proof everything got closed before MIL’s re-entry into the executor position (coincidentally after all the grunt work was done) and has proof he was to get a portion of the trust; the judge would say, “Give your kids their inheritance.”
No Contact
One commentator thought Steve, Melanie, and Sarah should get a lawyer and stop talking to Mary about anything until they had a plan. “I agree with others. Do not give her any warning, Do not pass go; go straight to a lawyer and see what your options are. Also, stop talking to her about anything. I’m not advocating no contact, but I am saying to stop talking to her about anything and everything until you speak to a lawyer and have a strategy to handle this.”
Step Aside
Another person was sure Mary would have to step aside if a judge would reinstate him as executor. Exactly. Your MIL, as executor (even though there may be a moral case stating that your husband should be treated as executor since he and you did the grunt work, legally, I’m not sure.), is legally bound to follow the directions stated in the will. Unless your GFIL had instructions saying MIL should use her discretion regarding how much money SIL and DH receive, she must legally follow it to the letter.
Get a second opinion. In medicine and law, it doesn’t hurt to get one. Get an attorney to CONTEST; perhaps there’s a legal argument a lawyer can dig up saying that since Dear Husband did most of the executor work, he should be seen as the executor, and mother-in-law would have to step aside.”
Don’t Sign
Someone quickly told Melanie that a lawyer was necessary moving forward for everyone’s peace of mind and as protection should Mary ask them to sign anything. “I look at it this way: the grandfather would probably be upset if the money didn’t go to his grandkids…..by getting a lawyer, you and your Dear Husband and Sister-in-law are honoring his wishes / protecting his money from going totally to the MIL (who you said didn’t even love the guy.) Lawyers sound scary and expensive, but the peace of mind of knowing everything is right AND you get to tell her, “Talk to my lawyer / have your lawyer talk to mine” is worth it, IMO, and you won’t have to pay them until you guys get your cut of the estate, most likely. You won’t want to sign anything without a lawyer looking at it anyway, so I would get one on retainer ASAP. All the best, OP!”
Trust Reversal
One forum participant wanted Melanie to know that Steve could possibly terminate the trust. “Getting an accounting, trustee fees/reimbursement for Dear Husband, and closing the trust should be straightforward legal work. Put it like that, and her attorney will probably read her the riot act. Get an attorney now, and stop messing around with MIL.
“This is something I am very familiar with through work, and this is something where the longer you put it off, the worse it gets. Once counsel represents you, you should not speak to MIL or her attorney; all communication should go through attorneys at that point.”
The Best Laid Plans
One panelist wasn’t optimistic that Steve and Sarah would receive money from their grandfather’s trust. “Honestly, I wouldn’t be holding out for any of that money – there are too many variables. If the instructions were that Dear Husband took over the trust ONLY while Mother-in-law was incapacitated and she is the one who will receive all the inheritance, then I would doubt you could legally compel her to give you anything; saying that, there may well be other provisions made that address this – again this is why you need to speak to a professional.”
Split Three Ways
Melanie posted an update in the comments to let everyone know the ‘legalities’ of the grandfather’s will. “It’s split three ways. Steve was the only one to divvy it up while she was incapacitated. Now she’s the one doing it. We know how much we are owed from when Steve was in charge. The frustration is that we did everything, and she took over at the last second to bungle it, seemingly intentionally.
We have spoken with legal professionals and accountants beforehand to ensure GFIL wasn’t being taken advantage of.”
Specifics
One funny person had a specific idea about which sort of lawyer Steve and Melanie should employ.
“Get that lawyer right now.
And choose a shark-toothed one.”
Cut The Losses
One forum user thought Steve, Melanie, and Sarah should cut their losses. “Honestly, I know this won’t be a popular opinion, but…cut your losses and walk away. Completely 100% cut Mother out of your life FOREVER, and stop fretting about the money you may or may not get. You were making it work before the inheritance, and you’ll make it work after. If you do get the money, you will NEVER hear the end of it from this crazy woman, and for me, that’s not worth any amount of money. Life is too short!”
Family Ties
Family connections can be some of the hardest to navigate of all relationship types. Steve, Melanie, and Sarah found that out the hard way. Creating a notarized will and trust is one of the easiest and most cost-effective ways to protect yourself and your loved ones. A will is also a great way to minimize angst and bitterness among family members if they know your last wishes well beforehand.
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