Pirates, such intriguing individuals who aren’t known much for their sense of humor. Yet these jokes would surely raise a smile and a laugh from even from the most stern pirate.
The budding Jack Sparrows in your family will bound to have endless fun telling and retelling these jokes to their friends and family.
So adjust your eye patch, fasten your parrot and practice your pirate laugh with these 100 pirate jokes.
1. When is the best time for a pirate to buy a ship?
When it is on the sail!
2. What kind of ships do pirates find hard to maintain?
Relationships!
3. What did the ocean say to the captain of the pirate ship?
Nothing! The ocean just waved.
4. Which subjects does a pirate enjoy the most in school?
He enjoys ‘Aaaaaaarrrrrtt’.
5. Which costume does a pirate wear for Halloween?
He wears a Pumpkin Patch!
6. What are the only notes a pirate can sing in music class?
High C’s.
7. Which exercise do pirates love doing the most?
They love the plank!
8. Who was the most famous pirate octopus of the seas?
Captain Squid.
9. What has 12 legs, 12 arms, and 12 eyes?
A dozen pirates.
10. How does a pirate, who wears a patch, say “Yes” to the captain?
He says, “Eye Eye, captain”.
11. Which part of the deck stinks the most?
The poop deck.
12. What does one pirate say to his friend?
He says, “I sea you!”
13. What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?
“Aye matey years old!”.
14. What does Santa say while visiting pirates?
He says, “Row row row”.
15. Have you heard any funny pirate jokes?
Well, neither have ayyyyyeee.
16. Why do pirates never shower before they get on the plank?
Because they will just wash up on the shore later.
17. What is a pirate’s most favorite doll?
Baaaaaarrrrrrrbie!
18. Which character from Star Wars do pirates love the most?
The Aaaaaarrrrgh- 2 D-2.
19. Why do pirates take a long time to learn the alphabet?
They take a long time because they always get stuck at “c”!
20. What do pirates say when his wooden leg freezes?
He says “Shiver me timbers!”.
21. Why do people find it very hard to call a pirate?
Because he always leaves his phone off the hook.
22. What was the name of the pirate’s girlfriend?
Peggy!
23. Which instrument do pirates love in music class?
The guitaaarrrrrrr.
24. Why did the pirate want to move to Russia?
To become a Czaaaarrrrrr.
25. Which two football teams were at the finals of the pirate Superbowl?
The Buccaneers and the Seahawks.
26. What is a pirate’s favorite color?
Gold!
27. What is a pirate’s hairstyle called?
A crew cut!
28. How do pirates dispose of their trash?
They throw it in the Gaaaaarrrrbage can.
29. Which is a pirate’s favorite type of fish?
The Swordfish!
30. How much do pirates charge for piercing an ear?
A buck-an-ear!
31. How much do treasures cost for a pirate?
An arm and a leg!
32. Why is it best to avoid taking a pea from a pirate?
He then becomes irate!
33. What game do parrots in pirate ships love playing the most?
Hide and speak!
34. Where do pirates go to get sketch pads and pencils?
The aaaaarrrrtt store!
35. What name do pirates give their spotted, pet dog?
They name his patches!
36. What shivers at the bottom of the seas?
A nervous wreck!
37. Why couldn’t the crew play cards when the captain came?
Because he was standing on the deck!
38. What happened when a pirate fell into the Red Sea?
The pirate got marooned!
39. Why did the pirate in prison dress up as a lawyer?
He wanted to pass the baarrrrrs.
40. Why did the pirate want to get to the other side of the road?
He wanted to go to the second-hand shop!
41. How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!
42. What kind of grades does a pirate get in school?
High seas!
44. Why did the pirate go to the Apple store?
To buy an iPatch.
45. What did the first mate see down the toilet?
The Captains log!
46. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?
He bought it on sail.
47. Why is pirating so addictive?
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!
48. What was the name of the most frugal pirate?
Barry D. Treasure!
49. How do pirates like to cook their steaks?
On a BAAAARRRRRBECUE!
50. How do pirates communicate with each other?
With an Aye phone.
51. Knock Knock!
Who’s there? Garden
Garden who? Garden the treasure
52. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
He got marooned.
53. Knock Knock!
Who’s there? Turner
Turner who? Turner round there’s a pirate behind you!
54. What’s a pirates favorite type of music?
Rum & Bass!
55. Why did the pirate give up playing golf?
Because he kept hooking the ball!
56. How does a pirate get to the top of the building?
By elevataaaaarrrrrr!!!!!
57. Why do pirates carry swords?
Because swords can’t walk.
58. Where do pirates go for a drink?
The sand bar!
59. What is a pirate’s favorite letter?
P. because it would be an R, but it’s missing a leg.
60. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?
Termites.
61. Where’s a pirate’s favorite place to eat breakfast?
IHOP!
62. What would you call a pirate with 4 eyes?
A iiiirate.
63. What is a pirate’s favorite thing about dogs?
They BARRRRK!!
64. What is a pirate’s favorite TV show?
Eeeee Aaarrrh!
65. Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Right where ye left him.
67. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
68. What do pirates do on Black Friday?
Shop for sails!
69. How do pirates make their money?
By hook or by crook!
70. What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
I, I, R, and the seven C’s!
71. How do pirates like their ham?
Carrrrrrved!
72. Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck!
73. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
An arm and a leg.
74. What print do pirates wear on their socks?
Arrrrgghyle!
75. What do you call a pirate who skips class?
Captain Hooky!
76. Which restaurant did the buccaneer go out to for dinner?
Long John Silver’s!
77. What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A rookie.
78. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
79. Where do pirates park their ships?
In the harrrrrrbor
80. Why did the pirate go for a vacation?
He needed a little arrr and arrr.
81. What did the pirate get when he hit the skeleton?
A skull and the CROSS bones.
82. What’s a pirate’s favorite country?
AAARRRGHentina!
83. What is the worst thing about cleaning a pirate ship?
The barrrrrrnacles
84. Why do pirates give away eye patches on Halloween?
Because iPads arrrrr too expensive!
85. What was the name of the pirate’s spotted dog?
Patches
86. Where do pirates keep their valuables?
In a jarrrr
87. What did the pirate’s parrot say when it fell in love with a duck?
Polly wants a ‘quacker.’
88. What did the pirate penguin say to the parrot?
Nothing – penguins don’t speak parrot!
89. How do you save a drowning pirate?
With C P ARRRRR.
90. What does a gourmet pirate add to the plate to make it look nice?
A Garrrrr-nish
91. What’s a pirate’s favorite basketball move?
The hook shot
92. What’s a pirate’s least favorite veggie?
Leeks!
93. I have never heard any funny pirate jokes, have you?
Well, neither have ayyyeee.
94. Which famous pirate was always sad?
Captain Blue-Beard
95. What are a pirate’s favorite letters?
Arrrr (R) and C (sea)
96. What bank is a pirate’s favorite bank?
The sandbank
97. What did the pirate get when he crossed a centipede and a parrot?
A walkie-talkie!
98. What is a pirate’s favorite type of pie?
Rubarrrrrrghb!
99. What do pirates eat on cold winter nights?
Hearrrrrty stews
100. What’s a pirate’s favorite sport?
AAAARRRRrrrm wrestling!
Hooe you enjoyed have a barrel of laughs with these! It’s time to raise the anchor and sail off in hunt for more comedy gold…AAAArrrrr.
Bye, me hearties…
Farah Zeb is a mother of five, including two children with special needs. She shares practical parenting tips and resources to help other families navigate daily challenges and create supportive, nurturing environments.
