OP is a mother to two daughters, Maddy and Jess, who both recently got married. Maddy had a traditional wedding with numerous guests, while Jess wanted a low-key ceremony. Fewer relatives attended Jess’s wedding as she invited fewer people than Maddy, and she received fewer gifts.
Jess Complained About the Lack of Gifts
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Recently, Jess complained about not receiving as much attention or money as Maddy, which OP thought was bratty.
Be Grateful for What You Received
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OP told Jess that she should be grateful for what she received, as she chose not to invite many people to her wedding. Maddy thought OP was harsh, while OP believed that Jess was being overdramatic.
Maddy and Jess’s Wedding’s Reflected Their Personalities
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Maddy and Jess have different personalities, and their wedding choices reflect that. Maddy wanted a big wedding, while Jess wanted a small ceremony. Due to Jess’s choices, fewer people attended her wedding and gave her fewer gifts. Jess was upset about this and complained to OP.
Jess Is Ungrateful
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OP thought that Jess was being ungrateful, given that she chose not to invite many people to her wedding.
Maddy Thinks OP Is Too Harsh
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Maddy thought that OP was too harsh, and the situation remains unresolved.
She’s Being Unreasonable
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This online user suggests that Jess is being very unreasonable regarding money gifts.
“Not the jerk. Why would your family give money to a couple who didn’t even invite them to the wedding?
The cash gift was just that — a gift. They are lucky to have received more than they spent on the wedding (which was paid for by parents.).”
An Excellent Point
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This is an excellent point. A lot of the value of money that was received as a gift came from the number of family members that attended Mady’s wedding. Therefore, choosing to have a smaller wedding would result in fewer people giving gifts.
She Should Have More Grace and Be Grateful
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There is no reason for the money to be exactly the same in this case. More significantly, the money is not something that they deserve but something that they should simply be grateful for. Jess should have more grace and simply be grateful for any money at all rather than comparing the value to her sister.
There Was a Significant Difference
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Another keen commenter also spotted the significance of the difference in ceremonies. Jess opted for a far smaller and less formal affair:
“And it wasn’t even a dinner – just drinks and appetizers. You don’t give a wedding-type gift for some snacks that’s normal. To expect wedding-type gifts for a non-wedding – just a celebration – is warped thinking.”
It Seems Fair
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Such a minor occasion would not necessarily warrant the same level of gift-giving. This commenter suggests that if it does not match the typical large wedding style, it would be wrong for them to expect the same response in terms of gifts.
Maybe OP Was Unfair
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Typically parents try to split their efforts and money equally between their children as a means of being fair:
“This was my first question after reading the post. It sounds like OP likely paid a significantly larger amount to put on a wedding for 150 people for Maddy. If that is the case, the fairest thing for OP to do is gift Jess the difference in money between what her small wedding cost them and what Maddy’s larger wedding cost them.”
Readers Agreed
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This is an excellent detail that many in the thread agreed with. Effectively OP has spent a lot of money on one of their daughters and substantially less on the other. Jess has now missed out on the ability to have an event paid for her because she did not feel the need to do so.
Daughters Should Be Treated Equally
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Therefore, it is maybe not that unreasonable to suggest that both daughters should be treated equally, which means financially rewarding them with the same amount of money.
Split the Money Evenly
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Although some disagreed, it is not a crazy thought to say the OP should have taken the money she had set aside for the weddings and split it evenly. This would mean that they could have whatever celebration they wanted while remaining equally supported by OP.
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