OP has a daughter who is a transgender girl, and only her immediate family knows about it. Her parents use her preferred name and pronouns, but the rest of her family still uses her dead name and male pronouns.
There’s an Upcoming Family Vacation
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They are going on a week-long vacation with some relatives and will be sharing a house.
The Daughter is Not Sure About Going
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The daughter is upset because she will have to present as a male and be referred to by her dead name for the entire week. She is considering not going on vacation at all.
Her Parents Want to Wait Until Afterwards
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Her parents want her to wait until after the vacation to come out to the rest of the family, but the daughter feels this is unfair.
They Are Worried About Them Being Transphobic
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The parents are not worried about the family being transphobic, but they are concerned that the topic of their daughter’s gender identity will dominate the vacation.
They Don’t Want to Have to Deal With It
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They want to have a nice vacation without having to deal with this “gender stuff.”
She Thinks They Are Being Selfish
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The daughter feels that her parents are being selfish by asking her to wait to come out, and she wants to be able to be herself on vacation.
People Comment
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Many readers are in agreement that OP is only concerned with her own experience and not the daughter.
“YTA – the comment about wanting to have a nice holiday and not deal with this gender stuff 😬
That being said, could you tell them before so they have ‘enough time’ to process, and you can all enjoy the holiday, your daughter included?”
OP Is Selfish
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These commenters suggest that OP is being selfish, only considering her own experience on holiday. This is further exemplified by OP’s explanation that her extended family will not likely have any objections to the issues of transgenderism. Therefore, the only issue OP is presenting is that it will take some time for the extended family to process the information and that it will be a primary topic for discussion.
Tell the Family Before You Go Away
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They have suggested that perhaps OP could consider some more sensible solutions to the problem. With the daughter’s permission, they could tell the family prior to the holiday to allow them time to digest the information. There could even be a stipulation that it is not talked about at length to allow the daughter to feel less pressure to discuss their significant life changes.
It’s Cruel to the Daughter
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There is a large portion of the thread that simply feels that OP does not quite grasp how cruel they are being.
“YTA, you’d rather your daughter be dead-named and deal with the dysphoria of having to present male for a solid week to avoid awkward conversations.”
No One Outside Your Home Even Knows
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“’The topic would take up the entire vacation, which no one wants.’ Uhm, no. You don’t want it. No one outside of your home even knows.
‘We all just want a nice vacation without all this gender stuff.’ What is wrong with you??”
They Present a Coherent Argument
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Clearly, this reader is taking serious issue with OP’s actions. However, they are presenting a coherent argument based on all the information OP provided.
They Want to Avoid Awkward Conversations
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They are stating that they are forcing their child to use a name they are uncomfortable with and pronouns that they do not resonate with. All of this is to save OP from having awkward conversations that she anticipates but cannot guarantee will happen.
No One Can Know What the Vacation Would Be Like
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Moreover, OP’s statement that the topic will be present for the entire weekend, which is not what anyone wants, is impossible to know. As the commenter notes, the issues are only known within their household. OP has no idea what the extended family’s reaction will be and how prevalent the conversation will be throughout the vacation.
It Should Be Up to the Daughter
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Ultimately, it should be up to the daughter how they would like their vacation to go.
“YTA. I would let your daughter make the decision. If you are so worried about how people will react to her being transgender, then maybe you shouldn’t go yourself. But she has every right to go and present herself however she would like.”
It’s Her Vacation as Well
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A more measured reader suggests that the decision about OP’s daughter’s gender change should be her own decision. She should be able to be who she wants to be in front of her own family. It is her vacation as well, after all.
HIS HOA DEMANDS THE REMOVAL OF SECURITY CAMERAS: THEIR OVERSIGHT TRIGGERS A LEGAL BACKLASH, ENTRAPPING THEM IN A RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE LOOPHOLE!
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A couple bought surveillance cameras to monitor their property, which inadvertently waged a costly war with their HOA.
She Demands Her Brother Share His Daughter’s Inheritance With Her Stepdaughter – Who Wasn’t Bequeathed Anything!
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When it comes to family dynamics, few things can stir up emotions, quite like inheritance disputes. A contentious situation has emerged in an unfolding saga that tests the bonds of blood and challenges the concept of fairness. At the center of this narrative stands a sister who adamantly demands her brother to share his daughter’s inheritance with her stepdaughter, who, to her dismay, was not bequeathed anything.
HE ISSUES AN ULTIMATUM: IN-LAWS MUST VACATE OR HIS DAUGHTER’S DOOR REMAINS LOCKED IN A HEART-WRENCHING POWER STRUGGLE
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OP’s brother-in-law, Sammy, moved in with his twin daughters, Olivia and Sloane, after losing his home due to a divorce. OP’s daughter, Zoey, is 16 years old and gets along fine with her cousins, but they do not respect her privacy.
