A woman recently visited a popular online community to ask if she was in the wrong for pulling her daughter out of a class trip because of a teacher’s demand to be a “behavior buffer.”
Waterpark Trip
The woman, let’s call her “Steph,” has a daughter, “Bryn,” who is nine years old. She’s excited about going to a nearby water park with her class next week. The little girl loves water and has been talking about it for months.
In Tears
Steph was a bit thrown off a few days ago because Bryn came home crying and told her she didn’t want to go on the class trip. She asked her daughter why, and Bryn refused to answer because she thought her mother would think she was a “bad person.”
Sad News
When Steph finally coaxed the issue out of Bryn, she said her teacher, “Mrs. N,” had forced her to be the “buddy” of her classmate “Ben” for the entirety of the trip. To add to the problem, Bryn was also the only one in class to have a buddy for the field trip.
Buddy Up
Mrs. N told Bryn she’d have to ride the bus with Ben to and from the trip, eat lunch with him, and go on all the rides with him instead of spending time with her friends. Bryn added that nobody likes her classmate, Ben, because he constantly whines when it’s time to do work and picks his nose. Gross, but true.
Unbelievable
Steph, with reason, was horrified, not only because Ms. N had made Bryn do such a thing but also because she had made her believe she was a bad person for not wanting to buddy up with Ben. Unfortunately, this wasn’t Steph’s first experience with Ms. N, as she frequently used the mother’s soft-spoken, intelligent, older daughter as a “behavior buffer” for the naughty boys in class until she threatened to report her to the superintendent.
Old-School Rules
It became clear to Steph that Ms. N is still too comfortable enforcing archaic gender roles on her kids and forcing girls to do “unpaid emotional labor” for the boys’ sake. Knowing this wasn’t the way to keep order in a classroom, Steph immediately sent Ms. N an email condemning her actions – and heard back quickly. Mrs. N responds with the nonsense that ends with either Bryn being Ben’s “buddy” or she’s not allowed to go.
Foot Down
As any mother would, Steph informed the teacher that Bryn would not be attending the waterpark trip. To keep Bryn from feeling bad about the situation, she immediately booked VIP tickets the same day her daughter’s class was going so she could still go to the park and see her friends – and not buddying up.
A Surprise
Bryn is quite popular in school, so Steph has gotten to know many of the moms in her daughter’s class. When she told them what Ms. N did, many were so horrified that they also pulled their kids out of the trip. Eight kids (out of a class of twenty) decided not to attend or go with Bryn and Steph.
Complaints
So Steph got an email from Ms. N saying that because almost half of the class isn’t going, the class either has to raise the cost for the other students or not go. According to the mother, the teacher practically begged her to let Bryn go and told all the other parents to let their kids go. If Steph agreed, she promised she wouldn’t make Bryn do anything she didn’t want to do.
“I told her she should have thought about that before she tried to make my daughter do her job.”
Her Husband Disagrees
Steph’s husband “Dave,” said she was being a bit petty and that Ms. N feels terrible about what she did, so she should let Bryn go as Steph’s already gotten her way. He asked her if she wanted to deprive the children of what they’d been waiting for all year. But because Mrs. N has a pattern of doing this type of behavior, it needs to be put to a stop.
The Receipts – Just In Case
Steph kept all of the information and emails handy just in case the situation escalated to Mrs. N’s superiors. And it did – Mrs. N. was placed on temporary leave while they figured out a more permanent solution. While Steph hopes the teacher gets fired for her nonsensical teaching style, if not, she hopes it teaches her a lesson.
Did Steph do the right thing by coming forward with Mrs. N’s nasty habit? The online community weighed in on the precarious situation.
Stick to It
One commenter thought Steph was right and didn’t need to cave to the teacher’s request of Bryn to attend the field trip,” I’d stick with a simple “Sorry. I’ve already committed to and paid for my own arrangements for that date now.”
The Husband Got it All Wrong
Another chimed in on the Husband’s response: “No, I agree with this. Steph’s Husband is wrong in his assertion the teacher feels bad. She feels bad that her plan to use Bryn backfired so spectacularly, and she now looks like she can’t manage even the basics of a field trip.”
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