Recently a woman told an egregious story about her decision to go no contact with her mother-in-law after the woman blatantly disrespected her deceased infant son. If you thought your family issues were harsh, hold onto your pants. This story is “Isabelle’s.”
Nasty From the Get-Go
It’s normal to be awkward when meeting your significant other’s family for the first time, but as Isabelle relates, her mother-in-law, “Cindy,” was always mean to her.
Round Two
Isabelle says that she and her boyfriend, “Aaron,” were together for a while before he introduced her to his family. Their first official introduction happened at his sister’s soccer game, where Cindy made snide comments about her appearance and tattoos.
Up Next
The second time Isabelle came to encounter Aaron’s family, she asked him to pick her dress to ensure her appearance was acceptable. Attending Aaron’s sister’s high school graduation, Isabelle says that Cindy made her feel uncomfortable by shoving her aside and ensuring she wasn’t included in any photo and was generally excluded.
Three Years
Isabelle reveals that this sort of treatment continued over the following three years, in which she told Aaron that his mother was intentionally rude to her, even going so far as to comment on her Facebook page, leaving nasty comments.
Dance
Because Aaron and Cindy are dance teachers, they often attend the same events. When Isabelle attended her first event with him, she texted Cindy that she’d saved her a seat. Cindy pretended not to see her text and sat on the other side of the auditorium. The next time Cindy caused a lot of drama by making nasty comments about Isabelle to the parents of some of Aaron’s dancers. Isabelle was furious as it undermined Aaron and the trust those parents have in her and Aaron where their children are concerned.
Denial
Cindy denied this accusation, and when Aaron told her to apologize, she texted Isabelle, going off on her about how she was ruining Aaron’s life and how she should have more grace than to cause trouble between her and Aaron.
Teen Pregnancy
When Aaron’s sister became pregnant in her teens, she told Isabelle first because she knew how her parents would react. Isabelle was honored and tried to be there for Aaron’s sister. Cindy, however, made that next to impossible, excluding her at every turn. Not being invited to the baby shower really hurt Isabelle’s feelings. Still, she gave her presents to Aaron’s sister, trying to show her support where she could.
Expecting
The couple discovered they were also expecting not long after Aaron’s sister got pregnant. Wanting to give his sister her moment, they kept the news to themselves. A month after their nephew was born, they announced they were expecting. Cindy dropped off presents for Aaron and the baby on Mother’s Day and purposefully left Isabelle out.
Baby Shower
Isabelle tried to bury the hatchet and invited Cindy to her baby shower. When it came time to open the presents, she found that Cindy had regifted the gifts that Isabelle had given to Aaron’s sister, even using the same packaging. The only thing missing was the high-end items, which Isabelle figures Cindy likely sold.
C-Section
When it came time for their baby to arrive, Isabelle couldn’t eat as she had scheduled a c-section. She kindly asked Aaron to eat anywhere but in their room as she was starving. He said he didn’t want to eat if she couldn’t, and there wasn’t an issue. Cindy came in, bringing food for Aaron and telling Isabelle that just because she couldn’t eat didn’t mean Aaron shouldn’t. This situation led to Cindy badmouthing Isabelle, again, to Aaron. After the baby was born, Cindy was upset because she couldn’t stay as long as Isabelle’s mom could.
Baby Comes Home
After they brought their son home, Isabelle made an effort to include Cindy, taking their baby to see her several times. To Isabelle’s measure, Cindy never matched her effort. However, Isabelle tried to be kind, so she let her visit. When their son was three months old, Isabelle and Aaron lost their baby to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
Funeral Arrangements
On the morning of their son’s funeral, Cindy called Aaron to complain that they didn’t want their 10-month-old nephews to attend the service. She called Isabelle nasty names and skipped her grandson’s funeral, threatening to take her own life just to add insult to injury.
No Contact
The couple had no contact with Cindy for a while, and Isabelle has made it clear to Aaron that she will continue to have no contact with his mother. However, the couple is expecting a new baby, and Aaron is getting pressure from his mother to be allowed to see the baby once it’s born. Isabelle doesn’t want Cindy to be near her new child as she was disrespectful to their son, especially considering the circumstances.
Given the extent of Cindy’s neurosis and Isabelle’s suffering, plenty of people offered encouragement and advice on the subject.
History
One user thinks Isabelle should get Aaron on the same page. “History has shown that being nice doesn’t work. MIL is a bully and enjoys seeing you suffer. I’m truly sorry… for so much. You need to get “B” on the same page.”
Composure
Another commenter was impressed. “I’m amazed by your composure. You have acted like a grown-up at every turn despite Cindy’s atrocious actions. I can honestly say I would’ve burnt her way earlier. Childish of me, I know. I applaud you for your classy conduct.”
No Contact
Someone suggested guidelines for any future visits with Cindy. “Go NC until your child is old enough to communicate. If B wants to take the baby to a family function, please have guidelines in place to protect the baby. If you and Aaron aren’t on the same page, this time will be worse. I hope you have a community that cares for you that you can count on.”
Not Included
An interested party said Aaron should keep Isabelle’s information private. “I am so sorry for your loss. Your priority is you and that little one. Do not let anyone cause you undue stress.
If Aaron wants to talk to her, you can’t stop that but continue to make it clear that you and your little one are off the table. She’s not to be let into your home nor given any information concerning your pregnancy/health. She doesn’t get to be part of your lives if she can’t show you respect.”
Distant Second
One forum participant wanted Isabelle to know that she and her unborn child should come first. “When you are in a long-term committed relationship, Aaron and any children come first. Full stop. No exceptions. Mothers, fathers, grandparents, siblings, cousins, etc., come a distant second. She had her chance, and she showed you nothing but disrespect. “
Be Done
Another person made it nice and easy. “You do not have to tolerate her abuse. Tell your husband you are done, and then be done.”
Peace
One individual was harshly blunt in the best of ways. “I hate your mother-in-law. This tale was horrific. You do whatever YOU feel you need to do, but I would go No Contact if I were you, and I sincerely hope you do. The situation is beyond toxic, and you deserve peace for the REST of your life after this ordeal. Wishing you the best.”
Family
One person thinks Isabelle should know the struggle Aaron is facing. “This is the only type of mothering he has ever known, which is sad. No amount of reasoning or logic will ever work with this woman, and sadly, he’s going to have to accept that for him to have his own family, he will probably lose a relationship with his mother. Stay strong as a team. Make decisions together. Show a united front. If Cindy hurts you, it hurts him. Make sure she knows that.”
More Hate
Another contributor wanted Isabelle to choose her and the baby. “Stay strong, mama. You’ve been the bigger person for long enough. You get to choose you now. You and the baby. I wouldn’t want anyone around my second baby after they showed that they hated me more than they loved my deceased child.”
Devotion
One commenter was impressed with Isabelle’s devotion. “SIDS has to be one of the most traumatic ways an infant can die for those who love them. I don’t know if I could ever give my partner an ultimatum to choose between me and their family, but I would have no issue putting that boundary for the child’s sake. I’m afraid I don’t have an answer, but I so admire your composure and love/devotion to your partner, even though his mother is a nightmare.”
No Cause
Understandably, not all relationships consist of sunshine and rainbows, but Isabelle’s story adds intense heartbreak as it involves the loss of a child. And to think that a grandmother can’t get past her extreme narcissism to attend her grandson’s funeral is beyond unfathomable.
Isabelle did immensely well treating her mother-in-law with kindness and respect at every turn, and to think an older woman couldn’t return even one kindness for the sake of a child is incredibly sad.
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