When a couple turns to therapy to address issues in their marriage, they may have high hopes for a positive outcome. However, even the best efforts and intentions can sometimes lead to disappointing results.
A Reddit post was written by a 28-year-old woman who has been married to her husband for three years and together for almost nine years. She has been battling health and mental health issues. She has been gradually getting better with the help of therapy, surgery, and medication. She turned to Reddit to ask for help.
The couple discussed having children for a few years and agreed to wait until they were financially and emotionally stable. Four months ago, the husband expressed hesitation about having children with her, citing the rough time they had gone through and not being sure she would make a good mother.
They sought therapy and discovered underlying issues in their communication and support for each other. However, after six sessions, the husband stated that he could not see them getting past their issues. The wife then asked him to move out to an Airbnb apartment, leaving their relationship uncertain.
The wife needs help with how to proceed. She is considering options like keeping in touch, giving him time and space, setting a deadline, or giving an ultimatum. She wonders whether or not she is in the wrong and has been unfair in her decision to ask him to move out.
It is commendable that the couple sought therapy to address their issues. Still, it is unfortunate that the husband felt unable to commit to the process. Given the uncertainty of their relationship, it is understandable that the wife is torn about what to do next.
Although the husband was well within his rights to stop going to therapy, the wife may have overreacted. There may be better approaches than ultimatums, as they could create more stress and pressure. For example, asking him to leave the house puts much pressure on the situation and only pushes him away.
The Popular View
Many commenters think the woman writing the post is the problem and is being too harsh. One Redditor commented, “It honestly sounds like you are the issue, and you’re trying to spin this as if he’s in the wrong when he’s not. Accepting that something won’t work doesn’t mean you’re not trying; that’s completely unfair to make it seem like he’s given up or not trying.”
Instead, giving the husband more time and space to figure out his feelings and thoughts may be more helpful in the long run, especially if they can continue communicating and working on their relationship through therapy. It is also essential for the wife to recognize and acknowledge the impact of her struggles on their relationship and the need for mutual support and understanding.
Also, the discussion of who should move out during a breakup is a tricky one. Suppose you’re the one asking to end the relationship. In that case, it is generally considered appropriate for you to be the one to move out if you are living together. However, one commenter states, “You don’t ask people to move out. If you want to break up, YOU move out. You’re the one who wants it done, so you do it.” So, if the wife wants to end the relationship, she should consider moving out herself instead of asking him to.
However, this can depend on factors such as who owns or rents the place, financial considerations, and custody arrangements if children or pets are involved. Therefore, it is essential to communicate with your partner and agree that it works for both of you, even if it may be difficult.