Recently, a woman went to a popular online forum to ask for advice regarding a family matter. Her brother and sister-in-law, unable to conceive traditionally, asked family members and friends to pay for IVF treatments so they could have the family they’ve always wanted.
Why IVF for Her Brother and SIL
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The poster shared the backstory of her brother and sister-in-law.
“My brother, Reid, and sister-in-law, Nora, have always wanted children. However, they are unable to conceive naturally.”
Nora had multiple ovarian cysts and eventually needed both ovaries removed as a teenager.
“Reid and Nora are in their early thirties and are very urgent about needing to try sooner than never because they say they are approaching an age where IVF success rates start to decline.
An Extra Need for Cash
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“Because of Nora’s past medical issues, I am told that she will need extra care, and her round of treatments will be especially expensive; A little over $27,000. Reid and Nora already have $9,000 set aside in savings for IVF treatments.”
“They’ve raised $1,000 from friends. The rest of the family is pitching in smaller amounts as well. My mother is giving $2,000, Nora’s sister Lauren is giving $1,000, and her parents are giving $4,000. Which leaves about $10,000 left.”
The Insurance Company Won’t Pony Up, so She Was Asked To Take Out a Personal Loan
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“Their insurance will not help to cover it because they don’t consider it a medically necessary procedure. Reid and Nora have also had difficulty qualifying for an IVF loan as they have poor credit. Reid and Nora are asking me to help because, according to the loan advisor, I am allowed to take out the loan on Reid and Nora’s behalf.”
Worries About Paying Back the Loan Are Causing Family Strife
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“$10,000 is a huge ask for me. And the fact that Reid and Nora have poor credit shows they already don’t have a good track record of paying back loans. When I questioned why they didn’t ask Lauren, they claimed they couldn’t because she isn’t single and childless like I am. (They see it as me not having any dependents.) My mother and parents-in-law don’t have a lot of savings, and their earlier mentioned donations were already a huge gift for them.”
A Harsh Reality and Low Success Rate Mean a No From the Poster
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“It takes a long time to correct a bad credit score, and it makes things much more difficult. And, harsh as it is to say, I don’t want to take out thousands of dollars in a loan for a procedure that has a good chance of not even working.”
“So I told Reid and Nora no and that their future children are not my responsibility. I also wanted to put my foot down now. Next, it’s gonna be private school tuition or a college fund, and that shouldn’t be my responsibility just because I am currently single and childless.”
Turning Her Back on Her Family for the Sake of a Credit Score
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“Nora was obviously disappointed but told me she respected my choice. Reid was angry; he told me that he would remember this for when I am ever in a time of need so that I will know how it feels to have family turn their back on me. The rest of the family members have essentially told me, ‘We’re not mad at you, just disappointed.'”
“Because Nora worried for years that she would never be able to have children or be a mother. They say Reid and Nora would be wonderful parents, and it isn’t right that they can’t conceive naturally (which I do agree with.).”
She Wants Opinions on Her Decision
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“However, I still stand by Nora and Reid’s future children not being my responsibility. I don’t think it’s fair that I should delay or give up the possibility of starting my own family in order to finance Reid and Nora’s. AITA?”
NTA
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“NTA. And as a mom, I wonder if they can afford to have a child if they can’t even take a 10k loan.”
Other Readers Agree
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“If they don’t have $10 for the procedure, AND their credit is too poor to qualify for the loan, they can’t afford the child.”
“100% THIS. Plus,(the poster’s) sister-in-law understood and accepted OP’s decision. She knows she was asking for something HUGE from the poster and was grown up enough to understand people may not give her the money. They should be focusing on fixing their financial problems first – at the very least, enough so they’ll qualify for such a small loan.”
“$10,000 is pennies in banking terms, and they couldn’t qualify. NTA AND ignore brother; he’s just lashing out from disappointment and said something horrible that I hope he eventually realizes was so out of line. Let his wife deal with him.”
He Sold the Family Home for Three Times What He Paid for It, but Now His Siblings Are Demanding a Share of the Profit
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A man bought his two siblings out of their share of the family home when their mother passed away. Now he’s sold the house for three times the amount he paid for it, and his siblings are demanding a cut.
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Recently, a couple decided to have a micro wedding with just their immediate family, around ten people. They chose a venue known for holding significant events, but they hired a smaller room there.
This Groom Invited His Ex-Girlfriend To His Wedding, But When She Showed Up In Suspenders He Had His Regrets!
He Was Blinded by Love, Until He Learned About His Romanian Wife’s True Motives
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In a tale fraught with deception and vengeance, a man recently divulged his experience of unmasking his Romanian wife’s infidelity and orchestrating a chain of events that ultimately led to the revocation of her Greencard, laying bare her hidden agenda.
He Was Blinded by Love, Until He Learned About His Romanian Wife’s True Motives