When it comes to menopause, it’s a natural transition in a women’s biological life. However, it can be a time that men misunderstand. In order to support your partner during the change, here are 10 things should know regarding menopause.
Don’t complain
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“I have a very intelligent husband. When I’m having bad symptoms he gives a sympathetic grimace, maybe a hug, a cup of tea and then he goes and hides behind his computer. Very clever man.”
Don’t complain
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With the hormones in your partner going all over the place, it can be easy to get her aggravated. Give her support but also find a safe place to retreat to.
Be genuine
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“My husband lets me vent endlessly and the other day he asked me how I’m doing, I gave my habitual response, and then he stopped me and said, “No, how are you really doing today?” And then I talked for about a half hour and he listened attentively – even though he had heard most of it before. I don’t deserve him.”
Be genuine
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Showing your wife that you truly care means a lot to her. Menopause can be a difficult stage in life to go through. When the woman in your life knows that you genuinely want to know how she feels, it is awesome.
Your wife hasn’t changed
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“some guy asked if this was going to be permanent with his wife.
Your wife hasn’t changed
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He said something like “it’s not like she’s a monster or anything…” Man I wanted to ream him a new one. To come into a room of menopausal and perimenopausal women and say that was all I needed to know about what his wife was dealing with.
Your wife hasn’t changed
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My personal feeling is they think we’ve changed. But the reality is we are just saying out loud the things we used to keep quiet to keep the peace. And oh boy they cannot freakin handle it.”
Your wife hasn’t changed
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At times the hormones can cause a temporary fluctuation in a woman’s personality. Yet, fundamentally the menopausal female is still the same person she was (and is going to be) once the process is over.
There may be assertiveness
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“I’ve noticed my tendency to not swallow my words like a good girl when I feel like I’m getting stepped on. I’m not mean, I just lay out exactly how it makes me feel. I wish I’d been this assertive when I was younger. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble.”
There may be assertiveness
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Guys you may be shocked that your wife is starting to tell you straight what she thinks. Don’t take that as a negative. She still loves and appreciates you.
Increase the communication
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“I got dumped quite unceremoniously into surgical menopause and from the get go was very open in communicating with my husband that I am learning to live in a new body, effectively, so there are going to be some bumps in the road. I can’t expect him to know what I’m going through if I don’t communicate and I wanted him to understand it was OK to ask if he thought something seemed off.”
Increase the communication
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Both husband and wife need to talk about what’s happening physically. Men, don’t be afraid to talk to your wife if there is something you don’t understand about menopause.
Find support for yourself
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“Men don’t reach out to their friends or other men to talk about the changes they are going through, they just aren’t wired to do that. They just stuff it and sometimes it comes out in snarky comments about menopause, but those comments are really about them feeling insecure about themselves and also feeling helpless because they don’t know how to help us.”
Find support for yourself
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Menopause is a major life change for both parties in the relationship. Women can easily turn to those who are also going through menopause, but men can struggle to find similar support for themselves. Yet, it’s important to b able to reach out to someone to talk about how the change is affecting you. Don’t bottle it up and have the frustration eventually boil over in an argument with your wife.
Sometimes the woman wants alone time
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“Admittedly, my husband has been pretty good. Doesn’t understand, doesn’t care to but just let’s me be me. I go upstairs if I’m just not feeling like talking.”
Sometimes the woman wants alone time
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At times allowing your wife to have time by herself is the best solution. Trying to pretend you understand when you don’t only leads to an argument. Give her the alone time she needs.
Your wife can’t do some things she used to
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“I’ve always been a worker and carried heavy things around and in general did some very physical labor and things. But for a few years now I just can’t function like I once could. My husband could not understand and at times was even mean about it.”
Your wife can’t do some things she used to
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Menopause causes a lot of physical changes in a woman. One of these can be that she is no longer able to do some general activities. That doesn’t give you a right to make her feel bad about a natural change she has no control over. Show empathy towards your wife.
Some doctors aren’t able to give you advice
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“I have to keep reminding myself…They don’t teach about menopause in med school. Let that hang for a sec.”
Some doctors aren’t able to give you advice
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“I do not believe the way we are experiencing menopause is “natural” We are suffering from medical neglect. Gaslighting happens because they get tired of saying I don’t know 50 percent of their patients. That isn’t good for business. If the medical profession doesn’t acknowledge it then in a sense it doesn’t exist. The rest of the population Isn’t going to give it much credence.”
Some doctors aren’t able to give you advice
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If those training to be doctors are taught about menopause, you may find that your doctor may not be able to help you. That doesn’t mean you should shun medical advice altogether. You merely need to find a medical professional that has the knowledge you need.
You can still have intimate moments
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“What I can personally say about my libido is that even with hormones it’s gone. I have no interest in being Intimate even though it still works, and isn’t particularly painful, it’s just completely uninteresting to me. It can be really good, but somehow I still have no real desire for it. And in and of itself I am perfectly, infinitely happy with that.
You can still have intimate moments
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Of course it can’t be that simple.
You can still have intimate moments
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“It’s hard to explain but a) don’t take it personally and b) if you actually crave intimacy, and aren’t using that as code for s**ual activity, what about cuddles, touch, deep conversations, or other intimate activities?”
You can still have intimate moments
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“With menopause comes a drop in the s** drive of your wife. However, you don’t need to say farewell to intimacy. Cuddle together on the couch while watching TV. Ask her what she would like you to do regarding keeping the physicality of the relationship alive.”
You can still have intimate moments
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Menopause signals a dramatic change in a female’s life. Men need to be supportive and show empathy towards their wives. The hormones will have your partner sometimes getting verbally aggressive, but it’s only a symptom of what she is going through. Don’t take it personally. Allow her some time alone. During this transition stage, let your wife know you are there for her.
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