OP’s partner’s family has a history of poor money management, often relying on their daughter/sister to lend them money to pay for their basic bills and necessities. Although OP’s partner has improved with budgeting and living within her means, her family continues to struggle financially.
Last month, OP lent the family £150 when they needed it to pay for their bills, but only received the money back from his partner’s budget a few weeks ago. Now, the family is asking for more money, but OP refuses to lend them more, stating that they will never learn to manage their finances if they keep getting bailed out.
OP asked for a complete list of their bills, income, and why they cannot afford necessities, but his partner said it would be embarrassing to ask for such information. The situation saddens OP’s partner, but OP believes that the family needs to take responsibility for their finances and not rely on his partner’s money.
Money Management Lessons
Money management is a serious and contentious topic for many of us. We all have a right to spend our money as we please; however, there are some critical limitations and rules to follow.
Typically there are no hard and fast rules to guarantee financial security. Still, there are some crucial steps to minimize the risk of overspending and being left with sizable bills.
One commenter sympathetically suggested:
“Can you send them a link to money management courses? Maybe offer to sponsor them in those? But you are correct in that enabling their poor money management means that it absolutely will continue.”
This may seem drastic or rude to some, but so is not paying back money to family members. The commentator is very understanding go the OP’s difficult position, appreciating that they have to stop what they are doing and that the OP can help them with that.
A money management course might cost OP more money in the short term. However, it could be the solution to resolve the family problems indefinitely.
The OP is Enabling Ther Behavior
Although many can relate to the OP and try to empathize with the surprisingly common situation, some are less concerned about holding back.
Many suggest that a tough love approach is more appropriate due to the ongoing disrespect and expectation of OP and her partner:
“NTA they can pay their bills, but they are choosing not to. They decided a hotel for Valentine’s Day was more important than electricity. This is not your problem. If they suffer the consequences of their poor choices, they will learn to make better financial decisions. Your wife needs to stop enabling them.”
This Redditor clearly would not hold back, but maybe that is a good idea. They suggest that the family is cut off and made to face their poor financial decisions with the appropriate consequences.
Many were shocked to understand that they would be willing to pay for luxuries like a hotel knowing fine well that they would not have enough to pay their bills at the end of the month. Sometimes the harshed response is the most appropriate, forcing people to pay for their actions rather than expect a bailout.
Understand The Situation
“It’s important to decide where you stand on this now because if you loan/give them the money and stay with your partner you may be supporting them for life. The quote “Begin as you mean to continue.” comes to mind.”
A more inspiring post notes that the OP has a hard decision to make and a perspective to hold. In many ways, it is clear that the OP knows something must be done. However, many of us are pulled to appease our friends and loved ones to keep them happy.
Their quote is a gentle representation of what may be a more important lesson for OP generally, that you are what you do today, and the only way to change the future is to change now.
HIS STONE COLD GREED. WIFE TRAGICALLY LOSES HER PARENTS BUT HER HUSBAND DEMANDS INHERITANCE
Source: Reddit